The Love They Never Had

I buried myself in work and tried my best to ignore her after that dream, even going as far as taking on cases outside the village as general inspector for a while since my dealing's with her brother were now getting out out of control and I didn't want Yeon to see how stressed out I was. But no matter how hard I tried to keep busy, there would always be something that reminded me of her, whether it would be watching girls huddle in groups around books, jewellery pieces that were in her favourite colours or even watching lovers desperately trying to find places to meet up. Every time Yeon crept up in my mind, so did her brother's reaction when he found out about my very real very deep feelings for her…after all of this mess it was still up to me to reunite them…but knowing Hwi, he would most definitely take her away from me just to hide from my father. In fact, I'm pretty sure that he would even go as far as to marry her off just to ensure her safety…

Just that very thought made me break the glass I was holding in my hands in my first brothel that I had stepped into. I was not a man that particularly divulged into pleasure like this apart from my drinks, so I felt disgusted by myself for even stepping foot here…I felt as if I was betraying her. But I had to at least try to move on for her brother's sake, the last thing that should happen was that I take her right back from him after stealing her in the first place…more or less…and she was very on and off with me already; somedays she would be comforting and other days she would keep her distance due to me still hiding her and not telling her about her memories properly…but no matter what mood she was in she would always give me the same smile that I gave her to tell her that everything was ok. And when I tried to approach her she just used the same cold excuses that that I did to maintain my distance from her, leaving me reeling in my own guilt that I was barely able to survive in. Yeon was having an effect on me that was slowly swallowing me whole; every single day I was by her side she would follow me, but now that she was no longer waiting for me and was doing things without my consultation or guidance I felt completely lost and cold with no path to walk on until Yeon had carried out her plans. Now that I got a tase of what I myself had put her through I had never felt so miserable, sad and almost disoriented in my entire life.

So I took a look around at the women who were all either too young, too old, too dense or over-confident in their selves to be here. I had some throw themselves at me from the minute I walked inside and drag me to a spot where could indulge myself as much as possible. But no matter how many women were sent to me, they couldn't make up for her warm presence and secret smiles that Yeon had only for me. I had been here for only a few minutes but she was still the only thing I could think about…and right now, for the first time in my life longed to be home…maybe if I told her everything that was going on, I wold be absolved of this emotional torture much sooner, no matter how she saw me after this. I would give her as much space as she needed…but as for her brother's wishes…I had to talk to them, both of them to not only clear up any misunderstandings between us…but to secure our lives together…through marriage. Even if Yeon hated me for the rest of her life I would have her besides me, where she would surely in time forgive me, and would hopefully give us both a fresh new start and a brand new future to look forward to. I knew she wasn't one to pass time just by being a housewife. If she wanted to be educated, I would work to support that, and if she wanted to take up work…well I wouldn't be too enthusiastic about it, but if that was what she wanted to do, I would only allow it if she worked under me. Now that she was free of her epilepsy, I knew that she would want to make the most of her time and intelligence, but there was no way that I would allow her to work for somebody that I didn't know…in fact I didn't want her working with anyone else at all, and I'm pretty sure that I had her brother's support on that, no matter how strained we were at the moment.

I still had all of these thoughts going through my mind that I didn't even notice that The Lady Min of all people had actually followed me well out of the village with a furious look on her face. Before I could fully process her presence she had actually barged her way past me and grabbed the hair of the nearest prostitute that was standing next to me with her arm wrapped around mine. I hand't even noticed that but I couldn't say anything either as The Lady Min actually…wrestled this girl to the ground before she started slapping her aggressively and even started pulling out chunks of this woman's hair before I started pulling her off and trying to push her out of the door. This crazy bitch actually had the nerve to slap me before confronting me as if she was my wife. I would only laugh myself silly at this situation; I couldn't stand the girl who was obsessed with me and she was acting like the woman I wanted to be by my side who probably hadn't even noticed that I wasn't home at all. I kept laughing until I collapsed to the ground, and I finally decided to humour her, god knows I needed at distraction right about now. "Just what the hell are you laughing at? You actually have the nerve to be caught in a place like this and you're laughing at me? After everything I have done for you, you dare to be unfaithful to me?!" "Are you out of your senses? How am I being unfaithful to a person I had no ties with at all?" And with that, I tried to walk away but she stepped out in front of me, and started clinging onto me in full view of everyone that was outside "are you being serious right now? You know that I only came home just for you when I could have carried on with my travels. I missed you and I want us to finally get married."

My jaw hit the floor at this point and I started to laugh, thinking about all the tricks she would pull in my home when she visited, which was almost every single day. She took over the kitchen on the first day and surprised us all with a home cooked meal which tasted more rancid than anything I had ever tried, even in the military. The next day I got sent mismatched and badly sewn clothes with an entirely new scent that I'm pretty sure she had invented herself. Even before Yeon's memory loss she wasn't this bad, in fact she still hadn't done anything like this at all. I could only roll my eyes at this and it honestly made things awkward between myself and Yeon, whom The Lady Min was continuously trying to meet. I had no choice but to lock up Yeon myself in case this crazy bitch did something horrible to her. The Lady Min had a reputation of being an extremely jealous woman and had been known 'to deal' with maids to tried to pass themselves at her father or brother; some ended up fired, poisoned, barren or even dead. But what bothered me more than anything was the fact that Yeon didn't even bother pleading for her freedom, or for me to show her mercy…she didn't even look at me as I had to not only lock her doors but I also threw in someone guards to protect her. She didn't wish me good luck on my travels like she used to, or pack up some food and clothes for me….she didn't say anything to me at all. And now that I had that weird vision, dream or whatever it was, it was getting harder to face her whilst I was withholding the truth about her past and her brother this whole time. I tried to walk away once again, long drowning out The Lady Min delusional speech's when I decided to go back to Yeon and ask her to see the lanterns with me before I threw myself back into work and finished what I started without taking anymore breaks. And I needed t finally come to a decision about what my new future looked like with Yeon since it looked like fate had forced me to abandon my goals that were outgrowing me. And maybe, just maybe, Yeon's plans didn't seem too incredulous after all.

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I tried to bury all of my feelings once Seon-Ho locked me up in my room and The Lady Min had now resorted to stalking him everywhere that he went. She was the same age as me but it was clear that she still revelled in her long gone noble status, which was troubling to all of us. But my…man was threatening me with my brother and as soon as I looked into what he had left behind for me, it strangely coincided with my own plans but on a much detailed level, so I could have a new distraction that would bring me home sooner rather than later. And I was now too preoccupied with my own issues to hold grudges and what not. Plus our relationship was very on and off at this point; he was most definitely upset that I wasn't begging him to replace everything that he broke. I thought his guest would keep him preoccupied but that was the last thing that happened; the more she clung onto him and followed him everywhere, the more he would throw tantrums and get into jealous rages on the rare occasions that he let me out of the room whenever The Lady Min forced him to take me anywhere and when anyone else so much as looked my way. I had a funny feeling that he was using her to make me jealous but I just took it as him being confused about his feelings, but the more quiet I got the more upset he got. I couldn't win with him at all so I just left it alone…barely.

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I never knew Yeon to be this stubborn and wilful just like her goddamned brother. The Yeon I was used to was always dutiful and filial to her brother. She kept doing small things to make sure he came back to a happy home every day from work or sparring with me, so why was she being stubborn with me now? She had been in love with me since we met and even again when she had lost her memories. So what exactly happened for her to doubt me when I finally wanted to reciprocate her feelings. What did I miss? Or what misunderstanding was preventing her coming to me? Despite her keeping her distance from me recently, her eyes still followed me every time I came home, she still tended to me…and that kiss, which she had matched so passionately…even now with her arms around my back and the look in her eyes and on her face when I turned around to meet her gaze…I knew her for more than a decade at this point, so I knew when she was hiding things from me, which wasn't often at all. I took her face in my hands again to meet my eyes which she was trying to avoid for the first time. I knew she wouldn't push me away if I wanted to touch her, but when I tried to I could feel her flinch…but it wasn't in disgust or because of social norms. And when I tried to make her look at me again, I could tell that she had 100 things to tell me, 100 things she was keeping from me and 100 reason to break down in my arms right here and now.

I had never noticed it before, because Yeon was always smiling and happy despite her own personal obstacles , but right now she looked as broken as I felt. And I felt ashamed of myself; I had been pulled in too many directions since this whole mess started to look after her properly. She must have read my mind as she was the ones who took may face into her hands and kept reassuring me that I hadn't done anything wrong at all…if only she knew what I was hiding from her…what I had done to herself and her brother…I felt the guilt I had managed to bury for a little while managed to claw its way up my throat and onto my skin in the form of the blood and scars that were on her brother's face last time. I ripped myself from her in a panic and I tired to scrub the blood off of my arms with her hands, completely forgetting that she was there in the moment.