The Love They Never Had

From the moment that I set my eyes on this lowborn girl who was clearly trying to pass as a noblewoman, I immediately felt like there was something between the both of them. I had caught them both in each other's faces as if they were prepared to fight each other, and yet the minute I noticed the girl, The Young Master Nam had almost thrown himself in front of her as if anyone who saw her was going to hurt her. This left me feeling confused; I thought he had his eyes on the kisaeng girl? That was the reason why I introduced her to my brother-in-law behind my sister's back. Anyone could see the tension between the two men back at the army camp and I had to admit that there was not a day that had gone by that I didn't think of the most handsome man that I had ever seen in my entire life. It was too bad that he had such a bad public history that his father was not willing to cover up in any way. But even the new Emperor looked at the Young Master Nam differently, which told me that he definitely had potential in the palace. He just needed a new backer instead of his greedy father who was most definitely holding him back and everyone around him knew it. But before I made my move on him, I had to find out exactly what was going on between him and this little girl who obviously had eyes for him.

But after the way that Yeon blatantly spoke to me as if we were equals once again, I could sense that this girl was hiding something that not even the Young Master Nam who claimed to knew her from childhood knew. She was trying to pass herself off as a naive and clumsy little girl, and she was doing a very bad job of it. I have no idea what sort of spell she cast on the Young Master, but it looked like he believed anything she said and did. But I didn't expect her to pull such a vile trick on me within the first 10 minutes of our first meeting with The Young Master; how dare she put salt in my tea? And right in front of the Young Master as well? Then she actually had the nerve to throw my own dish right back at me and all over my fancy new dress that I had bought specifically for my next meeting with him tonight! If she didn't like spicy food, all she had to do was to refuse the dish. What sort of malicious person would do such a thing outright in front of everyone! I would have slapped her right there and then if the you master did not hide her somewhere in the residence. Instead, he instantly called out for all of the servants to be brought outside and pin the blame on one of them instead. But before I could even protest, both of our father's had already come out to see what was going on whilst my legs were positively burning from the hotpot that I had brought over.

"My Lord, the maids here have obviously lacked any sort of discipline at all. One of them even feels comfortable enough under our name to pull a prank on the Lady Min by putting extra condiments in her tea and even gave her an unstable hot dish that has ruined her clothing." "Is that so? I wonder who shaped them out to be that way…" "Enough! These servants belong to this residence, so vent your anger out somewhere else!"

I could sense the anger that the young maser was trying to restrain in himself whenever someone brought up that girl's name and it was seriously getting to me.. How could such a poorly girl have so much power over such an ambitious man? After all that he had done to get where he is, surely he wouldn't throw it away for a girl with no parentage, no money and no connections. No, I was just panicking. It was surely the kisaeng girl from the brothel that was casting such a spell on him that he was in danger of loosing his only support before he found a new one. That girl…was just a little sister to him, as he said…he clearly cared a great deal about her, so I had to treat her with some level of respect at least…

"Forgive me My Lord, I was the one who decided to take a stroll around this residence and I came across this girl myself, more than once in fact. The Young Master only followed me in…" here I was, defending the young master and he actually just disappeared instead of making sure I was ok, if I was clean and safe. He hadn't even ordered a new change of clothes for me. My legs were still burring and it was taking all of my restraint not to cry in front of the people whom I now considered my future in-laws. Nam-Jeon seemed to buy my excuse for now and I excused myself as quickly as I could. I needed to go back to my quaters, bathe and throw these clothes away before anyone got the wrong impression of me.

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The days that went by without Yeon's presence from that day on was like a slow torture that I had to endure despite the new changes that had come into my life. I had gained respect from my colleagues for the first time in my life and my so-called marriage was only proving how others saw me. Everyone in the palace knew my father too well to know how embarrassed he was because of the situation that Hwi had put me in. Even I knew that Da-In was just as angry at me for what had happened, but I had no idea what my father had promised her but her family was working wonders to heal my reputation. She was doing everything that I had expected from her as my so-called finance…but she just wasn't Yeon. Yeon was warm and did everything she could for me out in genuine love, but her status wasn't looked favourably in our society. Truly, if I wanted to marry her then I could only really take her in as a concubine, but after what had happened to my mother, I had long sworn to myself that I would never take in a concubine.

The fact that Yeon hadn't bothered to get in touch with me was really starting to mess me up. I had returned to my vices since they were the only comfort that I had now. At least they would never leave me like the Seo's did. But I thought…I thought that Yeon somehow secretly knew about the pain that I was going through, isn't that why she cared for me the way that she did? Isn't that why she took so much pains to make sure I came home in comfort from the palace? No, no Yeon loved me too much, she always has. She would never betray me, she was just probably scared of the implications that her return would have for me. She was the only who thought that way, she was always thinking about everyone else before she gave a single thought to herself. And if I hadn't witnessed what Yeon had done tonight with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed that she was guileful in the least, it just didn't suit her personality at all. But she had really impressed me tonight after a long time, and I need answers. Just who was this bold woman I was living with and taking care of? What else was she capable of? And more importantly, what were her limits? Or did I just have a reckless teenager on my hands who had finally hit puberty and was using her confinement as an excuse to act wildly? Where are you Seo Hwi? Is there any chance that you can put down your resentment of me for a single night and help me out with your sister? She needs to now more than ever…she is lashing out because she misses you so much when she can barely even remember who you are…and so do I…

I re-entered Yeon's chambers only to see that little brat reading one my books on my damned bed as if we both almost didn't loose our lives tonight. She even had the nerve to just sit there and act as if he couldn't see me at all for a full 5 minutes. But instead of loosing my temper as I always did, I chose to once again, steal these precious moments just for myself. She had changed her look once again and I barely had the time to notice at all; was her hair always that thick? No wonder she didn't bother with any intricate hairstyles and just let her hair out all day long. Her skin was still milky white and pure whilst Hui-Jee's was tanned like Hwi's, but their scents were completely different. Hui-Jee was a year older than us whilst Yeon was 4 years younger than me…she had to be in the prime of her beauty right now. Her lips were full, her nose was small and thin and her mannerisms…the clothes I gave to Yeon were too big for her despite me buying the smallest size that I could find.

"So? How is the patient? Did she almost burn the house down with her tears?" "You goddamned brat!" "Excuse me? You should be thanking me right now for getting the both of us out of that ridiculous situation!" "You almost got yourself killed! Just what the hell were you thinking!" "Good god almighty, how are you lecturing me right now?" "This isn't a game, Yeonnie! You could have been in serious trouble and even I wouldn't have had a way out to help you! I…"

"So what exactly are you angry about? That I beat you in finding a way to escape her? That I helped you? Or are you genuinely so angry and worried that I might potentially end up in danger? For someone who avoids me as much as you do, I find it strange that you are getting so angry over me so consistently." She still didn't even cast me a single glance, but when I marched over to her to throw the damned book away, I accidentally got close enough to feel her breath once again on my cheek and I got a whiff of her perfume. I had never in my life felt myself blush as hard as I was right now, and I couldn't be more grateful that she still had her face buried into the book so she couldn't see what a fool I was making of myself right now.

"When she imposed her favourite dish onto us, so I just found a way out of it." "And the salt?" "It wasn't me. I'm being serious now, I didn't put salt in the tea, or I wouldn't have served it to you either. But the maids were punished, right?" "You…" "…what exactly is the difference between both of your lives and being a monk?" "Huh?" "You both live with purified minds and are expected to diminish your desires to hold up your images as part of the higher class that tramples on others. The only thing you both do not do is chant sutra's or meditate. I am not exactly a religious person, our lives are short here in this life, do you both not regret the things that you miss out on every night when you both go to bed. Neither of you come out of your comfort zone; have you ever stayed up so late that you have witnesses the sun rise? Have you indulged yourself in the delights that happen outside of these walls? Have you ever tried more than one flavour of tea? Have you ever skived off your studies? Or has she? How can you walk in the market without gambling? Drinking? Trying different flavours of tteok (sticky rice cakes)? Because of who your father was and who she is, you both have to try and keep as clean as possible and let life go past you until you achieve wha you want. But have you ever considered how much the world would have changed by then? Even when she tried to mess with me, she got nothing in the end apart from her own karma. She is trying to out-do her sister, but she doesn't know how to go about it, which will just result in her own failures no matter how many tricks she tries to pull on anyone. Nothing she does will be successful without her own family's backing, which she does not have since they are all running after the older sibling to squeeze whatever favours they can pull from her. And as for you, you can be res assured; the third prince doesn't like you, which means his wife doesn't, which means that they will oppose the marriage that she wants. She will not be disowned for her own childish fancies…" "Childish fancies? Is that what you call it?" "So you think she will fail because of that?"