The Female Lead Found My Suicide Note

Favor (2)

Using mana was easy to a degree that was difficult even for me to understand.
I don’t know if it’s because this is my original talent, or if some other power is at work.
I could use mana freely with the same level of difficulty as breathing in and out.
‘… Does this make sense?’
In the novel, only some people have the talent to use mana.
Furthermore, there’s a description that those who can properly use mana are extremely rare.
‘But seeing how I used mana as if it were natural.’
I could intuitively sense that the talent I possessed wasn’t ordinary.
While I was enjoying this by continuously making mana rise from my hands in delight.
A system message appeared before my eyes.
–
[You have acquired the Magic Mastery skill.]
[Magic Mastery Lv:1]
-Understanding and proficiency in magic increases as level rises.
–
Seeing how it wrote understanding and proficiency.
It seemed that raising this would not only make me better at using magic, but theoretical aspects would grow as well.
I tried to check if magical knowledge had appeared but.
‘Nothing particularly comes to mind.’
Maybe because it was level 1, but nothing came to mind immediately.
Having no choice, I decided to check on this later and turned my gaze away.
‘About a week remains until the exam. During that time, I have no choice but to grind as much as possible.’
Whatever I do, thinking it won’t be as hard as that time when I couldn’t even go home for a month and just worked under comprehensive wage system at the company, I pulled up mana.

Repetition and repetition.
Whether it’s frustration about all the unfairness I received for not living diligently during school years.
Or whether it’s because of tolerance developed while working at a shit company, I’m not sure.
I was repeating training without noticing time passing as the real-time growing magic training was quite enjoyable.
While feeling considerable achievement desire looking at the ‘Magic Mastery skill’ floating beside me.
Suddenly my head turns pure white and vomit surges up.
“……”
Seeing how all strength drains from my body, it seems mana has been depleted.
Since this was a situation I’d already experienced several times before, I somewhat skillfully drank the mana potion beside me.
‘I’m really going to die.’
Separate from getting used to it, the incoming lethargy, nausea, and headache don’t get any easier to adapt to.
I held my throbbing head and rested for a moment before slowly getting up.
‘… Though I’d like to repeat drinking potions before mana depletes, drinking before it depletes.’
Because of content I saw in the novel, I was deliberately repeating complete mana depletion.
[If it’s simply to increase total mana amount, just consuming mana would suffice.
But to gather not ordinary mana but noble and refined mana, one must repeat the process of depleting all mana in the body and then recovering.]
Content that came out when Rumi, the female protagonist, received her first teaching from the great mage.
Training this way is more effective and powerful for mana training, but the problem is…
‘Securing mana potions.’
To be precise, the money needed to secure them.
‘Even just low-grade mana potions cost several hundred thousand won in Korean terms. It’s reality that ordinary people can’t even think about it.’
If it was just drinking one or two potion bottles that would be one thing.
Even just the mana potions I’ve drunk now exceed ten bottles.
By the time training ends, I can’t even guess how many bottles I’ll need to drink.
Thinking there probably aren’t many training methods with such poor cost effectiveness as this, I downed all the mana potions.
‘Since it’s not my money anyway, let’s suck up as much as possible while we can.’
Even the family head said to grow by any means necessary, so he probably can’t say much.
Thinking my stomach felt heavy from continuously drinking mana potions, I manifested mana.
[Magic Mastery level has risen!]
[Magic Mastery Lv: 6]
The skill level rising more smoothly than imagined.
Though I still wasn’t sure about changes in theoretical knowledge, it felt satisfying as it felt more proficient than when I first used it.
I rubbed my stomach that felt like it would burst as I got up and slowly looked around.
‘Well, now that I seem to have roughly increased mana amount…’
Now what’s important would be learning magic and practicing to use it in actual combat.
I smiled bitterly looking at the books piled near the training ground.
Since I needed to understand the structure and principles to learn magic anyway, I had to examine these.
Thinking it’s funny that I’m opening books here that I hadn’t opened since school days, when I opened the book.
Fortunately, the language of this continent was automatically translated and entered my eyes.
‘Well, communication worked from the start too. Of course reading would work.’
Thinking this fortunate, I calmly read the text.
… To put it in conclusion, it wasn’t difficult. No, it would be right to say it was easy.
From the components of magic contained in the book to manifestation.
Understanding all of these at once and implementing magic didn’t even take 3 minutes.
‘I don’t know why.’
It was just stupidly easy.
To the point where I didn’t understand why they even needed to write this in books.
Though I was starting to gradually realize how strangely excellent my magical talent was.
Since I had no points of comparison except the novel’s descriptions, I decided to wait and see for now.
‘Then I guess I should skim through all the books here first.’
Deciding to do so since it wouldn’t take long anyway.
I opened the book stacked at the very top.

“You are a child who must become unhappy.”
Around when Rumi turned six.
That first word, close to a curse, was what she heard from the foster parents who took her in.
“You must not be happy, must not be joyful, we sincerely wish for you to only be sad.”
Though she couldn’t understand what their words meant at that young age.
She had memories of smiling along with them simply because she liked seeing them smile kindly at her for the first time in her life.
Not knowing that might be her last smile of childhood.
“Rumi? We told you, didn’t we? Everything is the will of the Heaven God. Even a worthless and meaningless child like you being alive is all thanks to the Heaven God’s grace.”
“I’m so… sorry. I won’t do it again… reading books and looking out the window…”
“Rumi, you seem to be misunderstanding something. We don’t want you to repent. As we said before, we simply want you to become unhappy.”
“… Y-yes.”
“So focus on becoming unhappy. Only then can you be chosen by the Heaven God.”
“……”
“Now then, let’s say it today too. Say you’re sorry for being alive.”
“I-I’m sorry… for being alive.”
“Good. Keep repeating that while facing the wall. That’s all you need to do today.”
From the moment she was adopted, all her actions were interfered with and restrained.
Since they were consistently people who only wanted her to be unhappy.
They repeatedly became greatly angry and inflicted punishment too horrible to even imagine the moment she showed happiness.
‘After repeating that for years.’
At some point, the formula ‘must never be caught liking anything’ was established in her mind.
Since the moment she was caught, whatever it was would be taken away and broken.
Therefore, even if she developed interest or came to like something, she tried her best to stay far away while pretending to dislike it, but.

Don’t… forgive me.

For the first time in her life receiving an apology… no, at those words volunteering to be the villain, she ended up developing interest in a certain man.
‘To be precise, curiosity rather than favor.’
Right, how could she possibly like a man who used violence and kidnapped her here in the first place?
Therefore, she couldn’t feel even a speck of favorable aspects from him, but.
Living in this world, she received an apology from him for the first time in her life.
Though it was recovery medicine, perhaps because it was the first gift she’d ever received, she couldn’t help developing interest.
‘And above all, I’m not someone who deserves an apology.’
So she rather felt sorry to him who apologized… no, that’s a needless thought.
While wrapping her head thinking she didn’t even know what she was saying now.
She hears her foster parents entering the house.
“If it weren’t for the Archbishop’s words, there would have been no need to send her to the academy… it’s really regrettable.”
“That’s what I’m saying. If we had just a little more time, we could have perfectly stained her in despair.”
Words she had been hearing continuously since entering the academy.
Though it wasn’t particularly surprising anymore since she’d heard it so much, she still couldn’t help being bothered by it.
As she closed her eyes trying her best to pretend she hadn’t heard while holding her breath.

Don’t forgive me.

His voice comes to mind again.
What on earth was his intention in saying not to forgive him?
As her thoughts became more and more complicated the more she thought about it, she absent-mindedly scratched at the scar on her wrist with her fingernail before shaking her head and letting out a sigh.
‘Let’s not take interest.’
Since whatever it is will break the moment she takes interest in it.
She shook off the thoughts, deciding to stop here and forget about it.
—-