The Female Lead Found My Suicide Note

Favor

A non-recyclable trash of the Lercier family.
This was the first phrase that appeared in the novel when describing the character Deren that I possessed.
‘Not just trash, but seeing how they wrote non-recyclable trash, it’s basically the same as the author declaring they absolutely won’t redeem him.’
This character Deren, whom even the author designated as absolute evil, frequently showed traits of being truly irredeemable as described.
Among those, the most representative examples were his actions toward the female protagonist.
[When Deren failed to possess Rumi, the female protagonist, he began tormenting her at the academy to an obsessive degree.
Normally, there would have been at least one person who would stop or report this, but.
Everyone in the classroom turned a blind eye to Rumi, afraid of the family prestige that Deren had backing him.]
Though detailed descriptions didn’t appear, seeing how it was written that new wounds kept appearing on the female lead’s body before the old ones could heal due to Deren.
It was clear that Deren’s violence continued without missing a single day.
‘Ugly and disgusting’
Even when reading it as a novel I thought this wasn’t right, but now that it’s become reality, facing this reality makes it even more disgusting.
I let out a sigh while looking at Rumi who was listening to the lecture with her body tightly curled up in the front seat of the classroom.
‘In any case, what’s important now is thinking about how to live.’
Not a philosophical contemplation but literally thinking about how to live.
If this were reality, it would be a matter that didn’t need much thought since the path would already be set, but.
Because I possessed a character backed by a family with immense wealth and power, the choices became infinite.
‘So I need to decide at least what kind of feeling to live with… this is quite troubling.’
Since I suffered from overtime work and poverty on Earth, should I live extravagantly here?
Or should I run on the path to success to wash away the frustration of never being able to escape rock bottom life despite all efforts?
‘Or else…’
Though not particularly appealing, there’s also the option of making efforts to return home.
‘Honestly, I don’t want to return home but.’
Still, since I don’t know what might happen, I decided to include it as an option.
I was having the happy deliberation of choosing between extravagance and success, just this morning…

“I don’t care what you do. Everything surrounding this world belongs solely to the Lercier family. Therefore, I won’t care if you do things worthy of condemnation, or break rules… but if you fail to prove your capability as a person of the Lercier family, that’s a different story.”
As soon as I returned from the academy, all plans were shattered by Demian, Deren’s father and the current head of the Lercier family.
“So prove it. Whether you seize it with your own hands, or borrow the family’s power, use everything at your disposal to prove your capability.”
I smiled wryly while hearing words telling his son that it’s fine to commit crimes as long as he brings good results.
In the novel, it simply said:
[The people of the Lercier family mobilize all methods to achieve results]
So I only knew it as them doing their best to achieve results, but.
Experiencing it firsthand, I realized this wasn’t an exaggeration but truth that had to be taken literally.
At first, since it was such an abnormal demand, I felt repulsion but.
‘Since I’ll need the family’s power to live in luxury here anyway.’
Thinking it would be better to use this rather than needlessly getting upset and becoming enemies with the family, I nodded.
At my response, the family head nodded expressionlessly and withdrew his gaze from me.
“You may go then.”
“Yes.”
I gave a perfunctory greeting and hurriedly slipped out of the office.

As I slipped out of the office like that, the butler waiting nearby greeted me.
Though the butler’s excessively polite behavior was quite burdensome.
Since Deren would have accepted such behavior as natural, I endured it deliberately and nodded.
“What is it?”
Short and arrogant.
As I looked at the butler while imitating Deren’s way of speaking.
The butler maintained his polite posture and opened his mouth.
“The family head wishes for young master to achieve first place in this exam.”
“…What?”
“Since every member of the Lercier family maintained first place throughout their school years without exception. It seems he wishes for young master to prove the same.”
“……”
“Though regrettably young master remained in second place behind a commoner girl named Rumi in the entrance exam. Please don’t worry too much as there will be family support in the upcoming first exam.”
The moment I heard those words, the scattered puzzle pieces roughly came together.
‘Ah so that’s why.’
I let out a wry laugh realizing why Deren tormented Rumi so obsessively, and furthermore why he tried to rape her.
‘It was because of test scores.’
He needed to be first place, but when some unknown commoner woman snatched the top spot, he took revenge out of anger about this.
‘No, maybe rather than revenge, he might have tried to give her an indelible wound so she couldn’t focus on the next exam.’
As the family head Demian said, because anything I commit can be covered up with the family’s power, that seems to be why he made such a choice, but.
What’s somewhat incomprehensible here is why he tried to lower her grades through such an inefficient method as rape.
‘Rather than that, it seems like threatening her openly or killing her would have been better, so why did he do such a thing?’
Though such doubts arose.
All the doubts that had arisen disappeared as soon as Rumi’s face appeared in my mind.
I turned my body while thinking that anyway, the more you dig into Deren, the more detestable he becomes.

I returned straight to my room and fell into contemplation.
‘So what’s important now is taking the first place spot and continuing to receive family support.’
The problem was that I had no confidence in doing well on that exam.
‘I only know the novel’s contents. I don’t know anything about how to use magic or furthermore about swordsmanship or theoretical studies.’
In other words, I was in a blank state where I couldn’t do anything.
I pressed my forehead firmly while thinking the current situation had become excessively troublesome.
‘That means I need to learn things like magic, swordsmanship, and basic theory somehow…’
It was questionable whether I could accomplish all those things within a few weeks.
While walking around the room biting my nails, just in case, I called the butler to ask about ‘the worst case scenario’.
“Regarding what happens if you not only fail to achieve first place, but also end up in the lower ranks, it’s difficult to answer as there are no precedents, however.”
The butler made a calm expression and gave an answer that was terribly awful.
“I have heard stories that in the past, family members who brought shame to the Lercier family’s face were sent to the ice prison and imprisoned for life.”
“Ice prison?”
“Yes. The ice prison in the frozen mountain range.”
You might think surely they wouldn’t send someone to the ice prison where they say people eat their own children due to lack of food and make clothes from the remaining flesh, just for failing an exam.
But one thing was certain – even if they don’t send you to such a place, the family quickly cuts off those who don’t meet the standards.
‘This is troublesome.’
I let out a sigh while looking at the ceiling, then closed my eyes and fell into thought.
‘Separate from building up ability, I’m in a situation where I’ll have to get entangled with the female lead contrary to my intentions.’
I squeezed my eyes shut remembering how many cancer-inducing elements appeared in the novel because of this.
‘Since there’s no other way. It can’t be helped.’
Still, I decided to enter training while resolving to avoid getting entangled with the female lead as much as possible.

‘So how am I supposed to train in magic?’
Let alone using magic, I have no idea how to use mana since I came from a world where it only existed in imagination.
The novel said you use it by pulling out a fluid that’s lumpy and sticky like it’s clinging to you, but.
In my entire life the only similar thing I’ve done is pulling out white fluid so this brings some conflict.
‘I don’t know. Something will work out as I do it.’
And if that really doesn’t work, I could ask for private tutoring from a magician belonging to the family.
I thought that and tried applying force while recalling the novel’s description, but as I expected, nothing…

Whoosh!

Before I could finish speaking, yellow flames blazed up in my palm.
Though there was no explanation written about what this was, I could intuitively know what it was.
‘Mana.’
And lightning attribute mana which is said to have the strongest power at that.
I showed bewilderment at that fact first.
‘Why is this so easy?’
I think I saw descriptions saying you need at least several years of training to manifest mana.
It was strange that I could manifest mana without much difficulty just by giving it a feeling of pulling up.
Just in case, since this was Deren’s body, I wondered if I was just using Deren’s abilities as is, but.
‘Considering that Deren has ice attribute not lightning attribute, so using lightning attribute mana is impossible…’
This magical ability should be seen as my own unique ability.
At that fact, I thought that perhaps achieving first place might not be so difficult.