The Wind of My Life

Meanwhile elsewhere...

10:25 PM

- For more good days ahead! Hemeyah!

- Hemeyah…

As much as the day has been much busier than usual, I can say that tonight is being much more relaxing than I was expecting. As we had arranged, Mary and I came to Kennedy's, a bar we used to go to to hang out and spend the night drinking. As it is a very large place and very frequented by college people, it has become a popular meeting point where, in addition to drinking, eating and enjoying the night, there are also karaoke and shows from time to time by garage bands or musical groups from the college. It's an excellent place to forget about life's problems.

- (Mary bringing a shot) Ella, go! Are you up for a shot?

- You know I don't like strong drink, Mary.

- I told you we were going to enjoy tonight, didn't I? So... bottoms up!

- Yeah, but I don't want to stop behind the bar and throw up whatever you offer me. We're still in the middle of the week.

- And? The hard part of classes is over. Come on, just one sip.

- (? taking the shot and taking it) Hand it over.

When we look to the side, we see Nathaly taking the shot that Mary was offering me.

- (Mary) Nataly, you came~~

- (Nathaly) Of course I came. You wouldn't stop texting… Wait, what was it?

- (Mary) Vodka.

- (Nathaly) Ohh. It's really strong~~ Anyway, you didn't have to be texting me every 5 minutes asking me to come when you already knew I was coming, your bratty.

- (Mary) I needed it, right? You're not the only one who was also in need of rest. A pretty, hot woman like you doesn't have to be serious and professional all the time.

- Mary, if she punches you, I won't defend you.

- (Nathaly) Easy, Ella. I won't take my anger out on this reckless blonde.

- (Mary) Gross~~

- (Nathaly) So, is Belchior coming too?

- Yup. He and Eli said they would come too, they just didn't say when.

- (Mary) Oh, come on. It was supposed to be girls' night.

- (Nathaly starting to pointing) Relax. Besides, we're going to need them today.

When Nathaly finishes saying that, she ends up pointing to a table full of guys talking and drinking, and realizing a little better, it's the boys from the Gallstone fraternity. Typical college partiers who go out to make s*** and right now they're here. I just hope David doesn't show up here today to avoid trouble.

- (Mary) Anything, I let him touch me and yell that it's abuse.

- Mary, don't exaggerate. Let's just ignore them and wait for Bel and Eli.

- (Mary) Speaking of him…

At that moment, Mary just leaned against Nathaly, who, seeing her look, started to get uncomfortable.

- (Nathaly) What?

- (Mary) Nothing. I just wanted to see if you're okay, my dear~~

- (Nathaly) Calm with what?

- (Mary) Do you know. You and Bel getting married in the future.

- (Nathaly) Do you have your head in the clouds, right? I don't even…

- (Mary) Even what, Miss Nathaly~~?

- (Nathaly stares at me) Did you tell her something Ella?

- And did I need to tell her when you and Bel were clearly eyeballing each other most of the time?

- (Mary) Look on the bright side. You don't have to hide it from us anymore.

- (Nathaly) Okay, but what about his colleagues? Will I have to listen to jokes like, "Look! He's getting that hag!"?

- (Mary) Look, you're not old enough to be in the hag category. Mature yes, hag no.

- (Nathaly) Mary, are you wanting to see how mature my punch in your face is?

- (Mary smiling) Not today. Even because today I'm going to need my beautiful face without injuries until 23:00.

- Because?

- (?) Mary!

When we look back, we end up seeing Sarah, a friend of Mary's. If that's what I'm thinking...

- (Mary) Little sister~~

- (Sarah) Little sister my... Oh, Hi Nathaly~~Hi, Raphaella~~

- (Me and Nathaly) Good night, Sarah.

- (Sarah) So can I count on you two?

- (Mary) Eh, Saraaah...I didn't warn theeeem...

- (Me and Nathaly) Warned what, Mary?

- (Mary laughing nervously) Hehe~~

- (Sarah) Calm down, girls. I really thought this airhead would warn you in time. So the lead singer of the band ended up having a fight with the drummer because Mary can't shut up, and she told me the two of you could sing a few songs with us.

- (Nathaly) Mary, seriously...

- (Mary) Wait, I already said that it wasn't me who said that I saw the vocalist making out with…

- (Sarah) Shut up, your reckless blondie!

- (Mary) Ok~~

- (Nathaly) Look, as much as I'm in the mood, singing karaoke is one thing. In a band and doing a show, it's another.

- (Sarah) I know, but my voice is not good because I would be the one to sing. If I could, I would be doing it, but I can't. Please help me. I'll pay you for the show if you want.

- (Nathaly)Look, apart from the money part… I wouldn't have a problem and you were just a victim of Mary's scams. So I can help.

- (Sarah) Thank you so much, Nath~~ And you, Raphaella?

- Sorry, but I'm not really in the mood for...

Before I could say anything, I quickly glanced at Mary.

- Jesus… Yeah. I'll sing.

- (Sarah) Thank you, Ella~~

- (Raphella) But already warning you that I'm not much for singing.

- (Mary gesturing) Come on, Ella~~ If you want, we'll do a duet and make up for your "singing deficiency".

- What?

- (Mary) You sing too well, Ella. You're just not used to singing in public.

- (Nathaly) I hate to admit it, but Mary is right. Just accept and doesn't let me be embarrassed, please?

- (Raphaella) Will you sing too, Mary?

- (Sarah pressing Mary's shoulders) Yes, she will, right?

- (Mary laughing nervously) Yeah yeah…

- (Sarah) Right. The show starts around 10:45 pm. Girls want to play rock music, acoustic and other improvised genres, so if you want to pick a song for them to get ready, say it now.

- (Mary) Don't worry, Sarah. The songs have already been chosen~~

- (Nathaly) Mary! Don't f*** with us.

- (Mary) Calm. They are your favourites. At least Raphaella's.

- Facedown by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus?

- (Mary) Exactly~~ And we sing along, okay?

- (Sighing) Fine.

- (Nathaly) And mine would be?

- (Mary) Dream On by Aerosmith~~

- (Nathaly) Mary, what did you do to my sister for her to tell you?

- (Mary) I don't know... Maybe a gold necklace, perhaps?

- (Sarah) Decided then? Only sing your favorite that the rest, Mary and the band can handle.

- (Me, Nathaly and Mary) Alright.

After that, Sarah smiled and headed towards where her bandmates were, tuning and looking at the instruments.

- (Mary) So I go there with them. See you soon, singers~~

With that, Mary was also in the direction of the band, laving me and Nathaly with neutral faces.

- … Ella, do I look like an acoustic cover singer?

- None at all, but who says you need to have a face to say what genre of music you like?

- It was just curiosity. You didn't need to start asking your existential questions…

- Sorry, I just didn't expect Mary to have this already planned.

- Really… One day, I'll still bury her and you'll dig the hole.

- Noted.

…

A few minutes passed and the band began to organize themselves on stage at Kennedy's. As there was still a while and I wouldn't be the first to sing according to Sarah, I decided to go to the bar to get something to clear my head, while Nathaly went to help the girls on the stage to test the microphones and instruments.

- (?) Speak, Raphaella!

- Hey, Tom.

- The girls said you're going to sing. Did you decide to accept my proposal or are you just doing it for fun?

- Just to enjoy. I said I'm not going to pursue a music career like you hope just for work here.

- What a shame. Your voice is fascinating to sing some cover songs.

- You're confusing me with Mary. You should ask her to sing here sometimes.

- Yeah, but I don't trust her enough to leave her free to sing whatever she wants.

- You have a point.

- Anyway… What do you want?

- Caipirinha with ice~~

- Make yourself comfortable. Just wait a little.

- Fine.

As our group comes here often for drinks, singing karaoke or just hanging out, Tom is very easygoing with me. He doesn't treat me any differently from the crowd just because I end up paying most of the bill we leave here, plus he suggests I do some karaoke shows to get people who spend the night here. As much as I've been told that I have a good singing voice, I don't think it would be worth investing in this path, because I'm better at acting than singing, so I keep refusing his attempts to convince me to "work" here at the bar as a singer.

- (?) Hey, you up for some company, lady?

- (?) Thanks for the offer, but I'll pass.

- (?) Really? It will be good to enjoy the night with me and my colleagues there. Drinking, talking, that sort of thing.

- I already said. I'll pass.

Even without meaning to, I started listening to this chat and looking through my peripheral vision.

- (?) You're sure? It's not good to be alone...

- (?) Can you let go of your hand from me?

- (Tom bringing drinks) Here, Raphaella.

- Tom, bring me two more.

When I say that, I cast my gaze to the side, and realizing the situation, Tom just sighed.

- … Don't throw on the counter.

- Fine. - Time to act!

3, 2 , 1…

*throwing the liquid at the boy by "accident"

SPLASHHH!

- (Boy) F***! What the f*** was that...

- Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't want to…

- (Boy) Oh you wretch! Any idea how much that shirt cost?

- I'm sorry, I…

- (Tom raising his voice) What's going on here?

- (Boy) This crazy girl threw caipirinha on me, Tom.

- I already apologized. I tripped and accidentally dropped everything on top of him.

- (Boy almost raising his hand) As? I saw you pretend...

- (Tom) Mate, she apologized. If you keep insisting on pissing off her and the girl you're bothering here, I'm going to ask you to leave.

- (Boy) What the ...?!

- (Tom) House rules, mate.

- (Boy) Go to hell, Tom. Just is…

- (Tom raising his hands and making a intimidanting pose) Boy, there are exceptions to the rules and you know how I deal with that, don't you?

Hearing this and noticing people looking at the situation and seeing Tom show a serious face, the guy just scrunched his face and headed towards the bathroom, probably to clean his shirt or wherever else he got it dirty. The plan was a success!

- Sorry you saw this. I didn't mean to scare you.

- No problem. Thank you very much.

When I take a closer look at the girl, I realize that even wearing a red vneck outfit, jeans and a modest shoe, her face is very familiar... Oh, I remembered.

- Luiselle?

- Hey… Aren't you the library girl from the other day?

- Yes it's me. Raphaella.

- Ah, I knew I was recognizing you from somewhere. Anyway, thanks for the help.

- You don't have to. That guy and his colleagues have this annoying habit of pissing off people who want to be cool.

- Do you know him?

- Just by sight, but it's not the first time he or some of their colleagues have done this. At least, this time I was able to give it a whirl.

- I understand. Thanks.

- But hey… How are you?

- I'm fine. Except for a bratt who almost shook my hand, it's okay. And you?

- I'm fine too. So… What does a bar like this have the presence of a girl like you? I swear I'm not hitting on you, okay?

- First, thanks~~ Well, I'm just passing the time enjoying a drink to clear my head a bit. You know, forgeting about everyday stuff for a moment.

- I know how it is. And your husband? Has he come to Madison yet?

- Oh yes. We were supposed to meet here today, but he ended up having to stay late at work to get to know the company where he's going to work and the places he'll have to remember to get his bearings here.

- Wow. Generally, people would find strange a woman, with all due respect, beautiful and married, alone in a bar.

- Thanks for the compliment, but I don't think people should think the obvious about these things. Not everything that appears must be interpreted by erroneous common sense.

- Or am I drunk and I didn't notice or did you look a lot more reflective than you did that day?

- Blame it on the books I read every day. They make me think thoughts that make me review how I see things and I end up traveling a lot when it comes to that.

- Well, you could say it's your charm, don't you think?

- Raphaella, if I weren't smart, I'd say you're saying something that will lead you in bad ways, don't you think?

- Oh sorry. Is that…

- (Tom) She loosens up with a little drink, Miss. She is the most respectful person I go to here.

All of a sudden, I just see Tom bringing a caipirinha and putting it in front of me.

- It's kind of unpleasant to get into other people's conversations, Tom.

- (Tom) I know, but it wasn't my intention. I just wanted to know if you're okay, Miss.

- (Luiselle) Oh yeah. Everything is fine.

- (Tom) If that boy or someone bothers you, you can talk to me and we'll find a way to stop this antics. A place to relax and be nice is what I expect from this bar.

- (Luiselle) Thanks.

-Tom, by any chance… Have you seen David around here?

- (Tom) Not that I know. Only those idiots came, but nothing from young David.

- I understood. If he shows up, don't even say the girls and I are here, okay?

- (Tom) Okay.

Saying that, Tom just walked away and went to meet another group of bar patrons.

- (Luiselle laughing lightly) Complicated love affair?

- Yeah~ ~ ~ More or less.

- I know we don't know each other well, but if you want, I can hear you. I can give you a hint of what you can try. I have experience in the matter.

- Know. But anyway.. It's not complicated and maybe you won't find it interesting.

- Besides reading, listening to love gossip is something I like too. So… If you're comfortable, I'll be here to listen.

- Thanks. Then…

...

Even though she's not someone I don't know well, Luiselle is someone who pays attention as if she were an acting professor in the college's performing arts course. The minutes passed and I explained to her what had happened…

Some minutes later

- That's it.

- Right. Since the two of you talked and settled about trying to get back to having a more friendly relationship after all that you've told me, I don't see why things can be tense and complicated.

- That's the point. I'm afraid this might give him a chance to try something with me, thinking I'll take it lightly. Not to mention my friends who didn't really like what he did and even want to keep him away from me for fear of him hurting me emotionally.

- It's natural for people close to you to do this for someone's sake, but sometimes, it can be troublesome for the victim. It makes you feel helpless, as if you can't handle the situation.

- Really. And I started to feel this way when I took it longer than I should have. I miss having a pleasant conversation with him, spending some quiet time with him… And even so, I'm not sure if everything is the way I imagine it. Good for both parties.

- … I felt this way once. It's not quite like that, but it was something similar.

- Seriously?

- Yup. Before I met my husband, I was someone who had been raised to follow the ideal of person that many expected of me. Responsibilities, traditions and thoughts. Any difference from that was synonymous with everything going wrong and I was very charged for that. Friends, family… There was no one I could just tell how I felt, and that left me with a void.

- Wow… And how did you handle it?

- I started to ask myself what I wanted, what was good for me, what was bad for me, I got to know myself. I tried to live my life giving priority to myself, but paying attention to the expectations of others, as long as it didn't get in the way. It might be selfish to say it that way, but before you love others, you need to love yourself first. There will be situations that can be harmful, such as a heartbreak relationship or an unexpected loss, and it always seems that there is no solution or effective remedy to prevent the pain it causes, but by nature, we complicate something whose answer would be simpler if we were honest with ourselves and with the people involved.

- …

- So what I say is… Do you really want to have something with him again out of need for a common relationship or try to start over by prioritizing your emotions and trying something new?

In that moment, it was as if I understood Luiselle's point, but at the same time, wondering if it was worth going with the second option. I like David on a similar level as I like Mary, Eli, Nathaly or any of my friends, but for him, having the past we have and what we wanted before the situation between us exploded into a mess… leaves me confused and afraid to risk it again…

- As I said, I can only give my opinion based on my experience, and it's hardly going to come close to a heartbreak, but I can only say what I know. What you decide is up to you.

- I understood. Thank you, Luiselle.

- You're welcome.

- (Tom) Raphaella, Mary over there.

When Tom approaches and says that, I turn towards the bar stage and see Mary calling me to go there.

- Anyway, I think I'm going.

- Seriously? It's still early, Luiselle.

- Yeah, but I don't have the same drive when I was younger and now I have the responsibility of a married woman, so you know.

- I understand. Thank you once again. It was nice talking to you.

- Equally. If you have time, we can meet and talk more.

- So, give me your cell number and we'll dial.

- Oh, that. Yeah… I don't have a cell phone.

- Wait... What?

- I… I haven't bought it yet and I'm traveling around the library so much that when I look at the time, the stores are already closed.

- Oh I see. So, see you at the library one of these days?

- Yeah, I'm usually there, reading something new.

- OK then. Until next time, Luiselle~~

When I turned to go towards Mary, I just felt my arm being held.

- (Luiselle smiling) Raphaella… Have sweet dreams today.

- Ah… Thank you~~

Saying that, Luiselle went towards the exit of the bar and left. How weird not having a cell phone and saying that, but compared to Mary, she doesn't seem all that weird.

…

*hearing Mary sing "By the Way by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers"

The show started a few minutes after Luiselle left. A few songs were played and as promised to Sarah, Mary and the band started playing some rock cover songs, while Nathaly and I sat at the nearest table so that when we were called, we could go on stage without any problems.

- "She's a lover, baby, and a fighter / Should've seen it coming when I got a little brighter / With a name like Dani California / Day was gonna come when I was gonna mourn ya [...]"

I'm surprised that Mary is the "emergency" type of person. I can't count how many things Mary can do and be good at what she does, like singing, cooking, drawing, scripting, dancing... a job in this art business, but as usual, she says something unnecessary or does something unusual and misses those chances. I don't blame people for thinking that about her, but they could give people with mild eccentricities a chance who are good at what they do. And in the case of singing, Mary's voice can fit in all genres, which I wouldn't be surprised if she accepted by free and spontaneous pressure to be the replacement vocalist of this show.

*last guitar chord accompanied by clapping

- So everyone~~ I know you're enjoying it, but it's time to make some changes here. So I'd like to ask my friend Nathaly to sing a song. Go up!

As he says that, a round of applause and some whistles, some normal and some with ulterior motives, begin to echo through the bar. And going up on stage, Nathaly just faces the microphone and sighs.

*first guitar notes being played

- "Every time that I look in the mirror/ All these lines on my face getting clearer/ The past is gone/ Oh, it went by like dusk to dawn/ Isn't that the way?/Everybody's got their dues in life to pay , Oh oh oh[...]"

- Unlike Mary's performances, Nathaly has a slightly thick voice compared to me and Mary, but when she sings, it's like the more elegant side of her that she refuses to have around us comes out and leaves the song with a more melancholy feel and more flashy. Whoever was listening started to generate a silence, making Nathaly's voice echo more strongly through the bar, and honestly, it's as if everyone was mesmerized by her voice, and that went on until the end of the song.

*last guitar chord being played accompanied by screams

- (Mary on the michophone) I said people would like your voice, Nathaly~~

- (Nathaly) Go to hell, Mary.

- Fine. Now…

Before saying anything, Mary just laughed looking at me. Looks like it's my turn.

- (Mary smiling) Now, I'm going to call another friend of mine to help here. Come on, Ella~~

As I walked up to the stage, I started hearing claps and whistles, similar to Nathaly's, but this time...

- JUST BECAUSE DAVID IS NOT HERE, IS IT?!

Unsurprisingly, one of the Gallstone frat boys let out a scream that echoed through the bar, making Mary and Nathaly angry, but when Mary was about to grab the mic to say something, I stopped her.

- (speaking softly) Let's just go~~

Hearing this, Mary only laughed and stamped her foot.

*first drum beats and guitar chords

- (Mary) "Hey girl you know you drive me crazy/ One look puts the rhythm in my hand/ Still I'll never understand why you hang around/ I see what's going down [...]"

My time...

- "Cover up with make up in the mirror/ Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again/ You cry alone and then he swears he loves you! [...]"

I'm aware that this song is not the kind that would draw attention as it is a lighter hard rock song compared to the songs Mary was singing and some people weren't even paying attention, but I could see some other people paying attention, as well as Tom, Nathaly, Belchior and Elijah who had just entered the bar.

As Mary and I sang, I was reminded why this song is my favorite. It was David who listened to this song directly that he asked me to listen to. It wasn't because the music was cool, because I wasn't into rock back then. It wasn't because of the instruments because I didn't understand anything and it was too noisy to distinguish which instruments were. And it wasn't even the lyrics because it sounded too much like someone throwing it in someone else's face how harmful it was to hurt a girl or something. But…

It was his serene smile that made me listen more. And now, some time later, I'm singing this song thinking that… In the lyrics… I'm the girl with the lyrics. The one who got hurt, the one whose face was thrown straight to the ground. But… I don't want to have that feeling… I just want to sing it as a way of letting him know… How hurt I was… How sad and desolate I was… How… Lonely I was.

- (Mary) "Face down in the dirt/ She said "This doesn't hurt!"/ She said "I finally had enough!"

- (Almost screaming) "ONE DAY SHE WILL TELL YOU THAT SHE HAD ENOUGH!!! It's coming round again!!!"

*screams from bar patrons

DAMN IT! It was the loudest scream I gave! Everyone started to pay attention and started whistling and screaming along with the music. And I wasn't even looking to see why I noticed that I started to cry lightly. Wants to know? Screw it.

*last guitar chords

Mary just hugged me and wiped my face, while I just smiled and walked down the stage. Nathaly came and gave me mineral water, while Belchior and Elijah approached me asking if I was okay. And honestly… I WAS GREAT! I finally let go of what was stuck in my mouth for a while, even if not in the way I imagined it, but it was a relief to have to do something I enjoy and let go of this weight I was feeling.

- I just want to see the rest of the show. Let's go~~?

Everyone there agreed and we sat near the stage, watching the show go on, with Maty occasionally looking at me, but smiling, understanding what had happened. And I'm guessing she had this planned. That little bastard~~

…

In another place at the same time

- (?) P-Please…

*sound of flames coming up

- (?) Mercy after having pointed a gun? Pathetic… Hmm?

? watching the skies

- (? smiling) Interesting~~