The Wind of My Life

…

As much as I couldn't see his face clearly, I noticed a slight redness on his face, as if his shame had passed mine. And holding my hand, he finally looked at my face with all the courage and boldness he was having during all this time that he was with me.

- Have you ever thought what it would be like if I hadn't left that day? How would our lives have been so different and happier if we simply accepted what we never imagined, just like those couples in romantic movies who always make exaggerated drama when it was just telling the truth instead of hiding our feelings?

Even though I knew he was saying so calmly and simply, it seemed to me that he was not simply saying things in the wind ... It was like he was confessing to me ... And as much as it was tacky ... I just wanted to say something in the same measure to make him realize how lost in passion I was for him ...

- (laughing lightly) Well ... It would have been a complicated life, don't you think? It would be difficult for me to try to please you. You know, I wouldn't know where to start ...

- You don't have to force yourself to think you need to please me. What matters...

Before completing, I saw him come out of the protection bar and slowly came towards me, showing an expression of shame. I couldn't just laugh or change my eyes knowing that he got all the courage to call me here and say everything he kept that he felt for me. So, with the little posture that I still had left knowing that at any moment I would fall to the ground to start crying for knowing that what we feel is reciprocal and for having waited all these years for that moment, I kept standing and I waited for him, until he approached me and ...

- We will be together. And I would… no, I will do anything to make you feel special.

It was then that I was trying not to start crying and he was putting his right hand on my face, facing me, with the difference in height that always made me welcome in his warm embraces ...

CUUUUUT!

Aug. 29.2018

Out of nowhere, it seemed that the teacher's scream echoed throughout the theater. Yeah, I think this suffering is finally over, so I just sigh in relief, just like my stage partner.

- Good job, Raphaella ~~

- Thank you, Eli.

After that, the classmates who were behind the curtains, taking care of the lights, others who were in the audience and those who were in the sound control came close to where our teacher who was in the front row writing something on his clipboard after interrupting the presentation with his shout.

- First… Congratulations to those involved in this presentation. I would say that it was well organized and structured in a very coherent way, the atmosphere that you brought here really made me slightly immersed and the story, even though it was slightly cliché, made me interested in how it would end, so I say I'm happy that result has been very good. Second... Raphaella and Elijah. you were incredible. If you weren't great performers, I would have thrown a bucket of cold water at both of you because if it were a couple without chemistry, I would have already interrupted you in the first scene that you did. But... managed to surprise me. A little, but did it.

- (Me and Elijah) Thank you, teacher.

- Well, I can't say it was wonderful, but I see that it took a very dedicated effort by everyone to make it work, and that is what ends many pieces and the like that work. I particularly like novels that develop with more time and that feel coherent to be realistic, so for a team work developed in 2 weeks, it was a very pleasurable presentation.

After that comment, the teacher just got up, took his clipboard and sighed, getting ready to leave the theater.

- Anyway, we ended this small marathon of student presentations. The notes will be released over the weekend, so until then ... Suffer from anxiety or take the opportunity to go out and then die from anxiety.

Everyone started laughing, but honestly, having an anxiety attack is quite possible, considering that these are very important assessments for us, especially for me. Even more now that…

- Anyway, everyone's released for today. Just clean up before you leave. Until next week.

With that, the teacher being accompanied by some students ended up leaving, and the other students who stayed at the theater were talking or tidying up the set. I breathed a little easier and out of nowhere, I feel a hand resting on my shoulder.

- Couple without chemistry? Where do people get this from?

- Eck... But... Eli, do you hear? Great acting ~~

- I can't believe he said that. I thought he was going to say something like "I would do better" than those retired Hollywood actors teaching without the slightest bit of will.

- If he said that, I would hit the bucket in his face.

- Too daring for a student, huh.

- (?) I was going to say the same ~~

Turning my gaze to the direction from which they take care of the sound system, I see a blonde girl almost jumping for joy and going up on stage.

- So ... Tell me what you promised me ~~ And speak very slowly ~~

- Alright… You were right, Mary.

- Yeah~~ Never go against my creative intuition.

- (Elijah) You only saw Midnight Sun ...

- (Mary putting her finger to shut up Elijah) Shhhh~~ Don't say anything you don't understand, B actor ~~

- (making an expression of contentment) Better not even question, Eli. Go for me ...

After a few minutes, Mary and I went to a storage room for me to change, while Elijah had gone to help whoever was cleaning the stage.

- I still wonder how the teacher liked your script.

- (Mary speaking proudly) You know how it is ... Creative minds understand each other with few looks. And you know what? He may seem like a serious teacher, but he's a lot more fun when he's drunk.

- Where did you see him drinking, huh?

- He went to a bar where I was with the girls from the course last week. He got really loose that night.

- So I already know why he approved your script, right?

- Hey! You cannot deny the creation of a creative artist like me!

- There's nothing creative about making a repeat scene from a romantic movie.

- The important thing is not whether the scene is repeated, but the way it is presented. Why do you think I suggested that you and Eli play the lead roles?

- Because did you want to fantasize about me in this passionate girl outfit wanting to get the attention of the nerd crush?

- Because I love you ... And that was also it, but more because I love you ~~

- What a sick love, huh.

- Nhaaa. I know you love me, just don't admit it, Ella ~~

- Stop making that silly face and help me out here.

- Ok ~~

Mary is the type of girl who is difficult to control when she is excited about some idea or plan of hers. Even though she looks like a daughter of a traditional North American family with her short blond hair, light blue eyes, white skin, wearing clothes that let her slightly slender body become much more charming, her personality is very "strong", being very proactive and having a courage to do the things that scare me sometimes. And because of that, we both ended up becoming best friends. Not only because of her way, but because she was the first person besides the teachers who knew about my family secret and ended up helping me to keep this different life that I am leading here in Madison.

- It looks like there will be an open bar there at Kennedy's today after 11 pm. Shall we go?

- 11 pm? I thought it was just to get drunk on weekends.

- Well, yes, but I don't know ... I thought it would be a good idea to let it go without a script or without anything scheduled. Besides, I wanted you to go ... You look very tired these days and also ... you know, for you to clear your head.

- Ah, I see…

I just turn my gaze and start to put my clothes on quietly, avoiding looking at Mary.

- Look, I know I said that I would not meddle in your bidding and that whatever you decide I would support, but don't you think it was too much? Like, he hesitated and he's wrong, but you doesn't need to distance yourself from everything because of him. You know, the girls from the course keep asking me if you would like to enjoy a night with us and I am a little anxious to know that you are not coming because you are not feeling well.

- Well, that's why you didn't stop going with them.

- What I mean is ... Don't you think it's time to get back to normal? You know, being Raphaella from a few days ago, the one who drank 4 cans of beer and was already singing those songs, you know?

- Don't you think you're overreacting a little?

- Did you understand what I said. I just want it back to normal, you know?

As much as Mary is very creative in these productive aspects, she is unable to say the right words to someone at times like this. She would make a bad joke for someone who would be suffering from something too painful to get a sense of, but thanks to the time we spent together, I started to understand more of her analogies to try to cheer someone up, so even though it may seem strange to her to say these things without a proper filter, I understand her intention.

I sigh quickly and just turn my gaze to her, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and one leg propped against the wall.

- Being very honest with you, Mary ... I don't know if it's a good drink on a weekday.

- (Mary turning red) So ... I don't know, it just shows up there. It's not a good night without you around.

- You don't need to say it that way. It looks like you're trying to hit on me ...

- Who knows ~~

- Mary. Less please.

- And so? Will you go or not?

Even though today is going to be complicated ...

"Ellyn, I'm going to try to take care of my little world, so rest assured ~~"

- Wants to know... Why not?

- (Mary cracking a smile) Really? You are going???

- Why the surprise? If it is to cheer up a little, let's go before I regret it.

- Well, it's only around 11 at night, so, logically ... You'll have to wait a bit.

- It spoils pleasure, Mary. I didn't need to say that because now I want to regret it.

- Hold the spice up there, Ella ~~

Thank you for being with me, Mary ...

…

After a few minutes, Mary and I left the warehouse and we realized that the stage is almost tidy and there are few students here inside the theater. Looking to the side, I see Elijah coming in his more hippie style with the clothes he wore during the staging.

- (Mary holding out a bag) Donations are well accepted.

With a sarcastic laugh, he ends up putting the staging clothes I used in the bag and Mary closes it with plastic tape and holds the bag with both hands.

- I thought Nataly would not let us use the clothes made in her store.

- (Elijah) Really. Mary, what was it that made you convince her to release the clothes?

- (Mary) Nothing much. I only paid about U$ 150, but ...

- (Me and Elijah) WHAT ???

- (Mary) What is it? She wouldn't just give it away for free, would she?

- (Elijah) Was it 150 dollars? Really?

- (Mary) Have you seen Raphaella's wardrobe? There was nothing there that could be used for my masterpiece and I'm not even going to say about your preferences, Eli ... Not wanting to offend you, okay?

- It was supposed to have been said before that we helped with that. It's not like we don't have the money to pay.

- (Mary) I know. But do you really think I was going to let you… YOU… Raphaella choose? You were going to choose the first red outfit that appeared in front of you.

- (Elijah) And why do you think my style was not going to help? I'm a lot more vain than you think, Mary.

- (Mary looking Elijah up and down) Aaaaah, no. No way, indie fashion design ~~

- (Elijah) You know it hurts my heart, right?

And since when do you have this, Elijah? I thought it was already shattered, destroyed, pulverized ...

- (Elijah) I already understood, Raphaela. You can stop there ...

- (Voice over intercom) The cleaning has been completed. Whoever is the last to leave, locks and gives the key to the course coordinator.

After hearing this, the 3 of us decided to leave the theater and go outside. Leaving the theater, we see many students walking through the campus covered patio, where they connect with many buildings and the rest of the campus. I can see that the sun is shining a lot, especially when I see that it is 12:30 pm so, because it is the time for recess for many courses, it explains the large number of students walking around here.

- (Mary) So, I'm going to store the clothes in my closet, so I'll see you in the cafeteria shortly.

- You will not get lost. If you text to my cell phone, I'll ignore everything.

- (Mary) What a cruelty. You wouldn't do that to me, your besto friend, would you?

- You doubt?

When I said that, Mary made an expression of nervousness, she turned around and started walking mechanically.

- (Mary) See you soon!

- (Elijah) You need to stop threatening people with this.

- She knows I would never do that to her, but she never dares to doubt me.

- (Elijah) You two, huh ...

After Mary left our sight, Elijah and I started walking towards the university cafeteria. It is even easy to locate where it is because of the students who are walking along a certain path that leads to another building near the theater.

- So, will you be free afterwards?

- Today is Wednesday, so ... I think so. Because?

- I was wondering if we could go for a walk. You know, watching a movie or something.

- (chuckling slightly) Eli, I already said. I'm not really in the mood to go out like that, you know.

- Ah, relax. I didn't mean to imply a date. I was going to call Mary, Nathaly and Belchior, so it would be a tour between friends, you know?

- Ah understood. Well, Mary will accept it for sure. As for Nathaly and Bel, you'll have to bargain with them.

- Because? Time is money for them?

- For Nathaly, it is. For Bel, it's more if you call Nataly, then convince each other that the other will go.

- Who knew he liked Nathaly. He surprised me with this one.

- I thought he was interested in Mary, but I think he realized that she is a path of pain and suffering if he wanted something with her.

- Is Mary that complicated?

- The last time she told me that she had a date, the poor guy had to go with her to a mosh pit and he left with a purple eye. He didn't even talk to her after that day.

- First, how did she convince this poor boy to go to a mosh pit ???

- The guy just wanted to have a much hotter night with her and she knew it. I think it was her "affectionate" way of saying no.

- Oh gosh ... That's why I prefer you to her.

I just laugh. As much as Elijah is a nice guy, I don't know if it would be good to give him a chance. Not that he does my type, but honestly ... I didn't want to not think about that type of thing for a while until I decided what I was going to do. And as I have already decided to resolve this soon, I want to make sure that nothing wrong happens and that it does not make me feel worse than I am already in rejecting Elijah's attempts.

- Eli, could you give me your opinion on something?

- Sure~~.

- Well ... Let's say that a friend of mine is having a problem deciding whether to continue with someone she likes or to move on.

- Very specific and repetitive, but okay. Continue.

- (sighing) So ... If you were that friend of mine, what would you do?

After I said that, I realized the s**t I just talked about, but honestly, it would be nice to hear the opinion of a guy other than Jack.

- Well ... The obvious would be to think a little about how much it is worth to strive for this person that she likes. Like, if he makes her feel good, if he has a nice personality, things like that.

- So it is. I also said this to my friend.

- But you know what ... I would ask the person right away what he feels. As painful as it is to hear something you don't like, it is better to know the truth soon than to prolong and create complicated situations afterwards.

- Even if people change their minds?

- Well, people always change their minds after a while or situation. But living with one foot in the past for a long time can be detrimental to finding a way to a much more promising and opportunity-rich future. Of course, people can go crazy or take extremely unpleasant measures, but to keep fighting because of something you decide and regret later… It means you are never ready to have a responsibility.

I only look at Elijah when he finishes saying that. Living with one foot in the past ... Why did that sound so convenient to me?

- Raphaella?

- Oh, sorry. It's just ... I didn't know you thought that way.

- Well, after 2 breakups and a romance that didn't work, we start trying to understand what is going wrong.

- It seems kind of depressing to say that ...

- Well, it's just a way of looking at things. In a complicated way, but it is a way.

- I understand ... And yet, do you insist on looking for someone?

- Every minute, we always find someone who completes us in some good or bad way, but it only takes one day to find someone who makes us feel complete ~~

I just smile when he says that. Elijah joined me in the scenic arts course and he was always too sentimental, which is quite different when he acts, since he has a change in expressions and sensations that makes me slightly inferior to him in that respect. It is no wonder that he is one of the best students in practical terms, and at the same time, he is genuinely true to the people around him. Some people took advantage of this and it resulted in these 2 breakups and the romance that didn't work out, and yet, he was still the same nice guy I know.

- That's weird.

- What is it, Eli?

- Is it my impression or are there more people than usual here?

I look around and realize that there are actually more people than usual on weekdays in the cafeteria. Usually, some students leave campus to eat at a few restaurants or nearby self-service places on weekdays, so all of these people being here is really weird to me.

When Elijah and I turn around a corner that gives a direct view of where lunch is served, I see something a little unlikely. Instead of some cooks serving, there are about 7 boys, with aprons written "I'll never do something wrong again" on huge prints. And from the boys' faces, it looks like they've done something and are being punished for it.

- Hey, aren't those over there from the Gallstone fraternity?

-Wait, what?

And looking more closely, they really are members of the Gamma Fraternity, the fraternity that is known on campus because of its leader, who is only Frederic Gallstone, one of the heirs of one of Madison's most famous families. And strange as it may seem, there is Frederic serving food, with a smile on his face when serving food to the students.

- Ehhh ... I suspect something went wrong for them.

- (laughing sarcastically) Do you still suspect that, Eli?

- Will you still want to eat here?

- Well… due to the number of people in the queue, I don't think there will be much left for us to eat.

- Do you want to try at least?

As much as I am slightly uncomfortable, I end up sighing and…

- Let's go…

After that, Elijah and I ended up taking a plate each and started walking in this row full of students wanting to see the faces of the boys who are serving up close, especially Frederic. Being very sincere, I would do the same, but the reason for the discomfort is not because of this, but because if a certain person is there serving, I think that person will misinterpret me. But even so, Elijah and I keep walking. When it comes time to be served, I just ask, keep walking and don't even look at the boys. It must be very humiliating to see people making fun of you for something you did, but to be here, it must have been light. I keep walking ...

- I want the salad.

- Would you like some vinegar?

- (sighing) Yes, I want to.

I see the hand of the person who is serving the vinegar, and even with the glove, I notice a scar on that hand. Right now, I just look at my food in a way that I don't have to look at the face of the person who is serving me, even though I already know what that person's face looks like very well.

- T-Thank you.

I end up walking some more to get some juice ...

- Man... Seriously?

- Elijah, this is not a good time. Choose soon and then we'll talk, bro.

- No problem. Salad and a little vinegar.

- At your service ~~

I'm glad he didn't realize it was me. It would be very strange ...

- Raphaella!

- Huh?

SPLAAASH!

Out of nowhere, I feel my face all wet. I start to hear a commotion behind me and some laughter coming from the student's row. I open my eyes and realize that my plate was going to fall off the support grid where I was pulling my plate to get what I was going to eat. Seeing better, I see that my plate ended up being pulled by Elijah who was on the side of the person who was taking food and the boy who was serving the juice would hold my plate, but when Elijah pulled my plate, the boy got awkward and ended up playing the juice in my face. What the hell… And the worst of it is that…

- Excuse! I didn't want…

- (speaking in a disguised way) Easy. Just give me something to wipe my face, please.

- (?) Here, Raphaella.

When I take a small towel and start rubbing it on my face, I realize that it is right in front of me ... Short hair with a small ponytail, sharp green eyes, a very firm and soft touch at the same time ... And I still look directly at him without wasting an expression so as not to run from shame.

- Thank you David...