The Price of Love Was Only Despair and Hell

“Everyone thinks I’m always happy. Sweet parents, the grace of a duke with both wealth and honor…”

Sarubia lowered her head slightly, gazing at the petals floating in the teacup. Her heart was always dry, like a withered flower petal. She laughed when asked to laugh among people and cried when asked to cry.

“His Majesty thought so of me.”

“…I did.”

Jenaden could not deny Sarubia’s words. Sarubia had always smiled. That smile, which was crystal clear, unsettled Jenaden. He had often scoffed inwardly at her.

‘You don’t know anything,’ he thought as he looked at her.

“My parents used me as a tool, a tool to make me empress and achieve their own desires.”

Every day had been hard. She constantly feared making mistakes in etiquette, knowing that if she does, there would be no meal for the day.

Others spoke of Sarubia, who didn’t even have a common debutante, as if the Duke and Duchess of Bronar cared so much for their daughter that they wouldn’t even let her out into society.

It was purely because the two appeared affectionate toward her in public.

In truth, they had no intention of letting Sarubia step out. Their ultimate goal was for Sarubia to become empress.

“I became an empress because of their strictness. It’s just a shell of a title, but…”

“A shell? You are the queen of a country.”

“Oh, is it not?” Sarubia folded her eyes and smiled faintly. Jenaden’s expression grew grim.

“Perhaps my parents would have abandoned me if I had not become the empress.”

Sarubia spoke calmly, as though narrating a simple story. Jenaden’s pupils shook.

‘Could parents truly abandon their own daughter, no matter how cold they were?’

Perhaps Sarubia’s situation was similar to himself. The duke always smiled and treated him politely as the emperor, but behind that facade, he manipulated him like a puppet.

Now that Jenaden had grown older and wiser, he understood the old wolf’s shallow schemes and pretended to be unaware. But in his younger days, those words had quivered him with fear.

As unpleasant memories resurfaced, Jenaden closed his eyes momentarily, then opened them again.

‘Not anymore. I was no longer that powerless child.’

“Oh, Your Majesty…”

“What’s the matter?”

“I’d like to prepare something special for your birthday. I was thinking of holding it as a masquerade ball.”

“Hmm…” Jenaden responded in a casual tone, as though indifferent.

“Why the sudden idea?”

“I want this banquet to be special for some reason. And I might not be in the palace next year.”

Sarubia had long dreamed of leaving the palace before the following year. She couldn’t wait to find freedom and live somewhere where neither Jenaden nor her father would be present.

“You sound certain.”

“Your Majesty, don’t you want to break up with me?”

Sarubia stared at Jenaden as if seeking his agreement, but his tightly closed lips did not open.

“Your Majesty, then I suppose I must begin preparing for your birthday.”

Jenaden, still silent, looked uncomfortable. Sarubia stood up from her seat. Jenaden glanced at her and nodded as though in understanding.

***

Sarubia’s steps slowed as she left the imperial garden and returned to the Imperial Palace. In the middle of the long corridor, she paused and turned her head toward the window. Beyond the arched glass with colorful lily patterns, the wide blue sky stretched endlessly.

She muttered to herself. “At the Emperor’s birthday ball, Jenaden and Elaine will meet again.”

That unforgettable voice of Elaine echoed in her memory.

‘Your Majesty and I have been together since his birthday,’ Elaine had once said with a smile.

While Sarubia had enjoyed the ball in blissful ignorance, the two had met again and fallen in love.

Elaine’s image shimmered like a mirage before Sarubia’s eyes. How could she forget the woman who she had both envied and hated?

Elaine’s long, straight blonde hair shimmered like silk, which reached her waist, was always shiny and her large emerald-green eyes bloomed like flowers whenever she smiled. Her rosy cheeks and porcelain-white skin made her stand out even more.

Sarubia had often been called beautiful, but it was Elaine who was truly beautiful.

How could Jenaden forget her? How could anyone forget an angelic woman who seemed to have descended from heaven?

A bitter smirk curled Sarubia’s lips.

It wasn’t because she still harbored feelings for Jenaden that she planned to interfere with their meeting. Once her deal with Jenaden progressed further, she would let them meet. That way, Jenaden would have complete trust in her.

“I just want to have my way…” Sarubia muttered, but unease gnawed at her. She bit her lower lip.

***

Sarubia busied herself selecting dresses. Behind her, servants hurried around with armfuls of garments and luggage.

Once the birthday preparations were complete, she would spend a vacation with Jenaden at one of the Bronar family’s villas. Naturally, her parents would accompany them. Even though it was a short three-day stay, the number of items packed was enough to fill an entire carriage.

With the help of Asta and Stella, Sarubia chose simpler, more practical dresses and handed them to other servants.

“Have you prepared His Majesty’s gift?” Sarubia asked.

Stella nodded confidently. “Of course!”

“That’s a relief.” Sarubia smiled.

One by one, the luggage was loaded onto the carriage, and she waited for Jenaden in front of the carriage with her servants.

Her attire was unusually comfortable, a light dress adorned with an ostrich feather hat decorated with roses. Sarubia felt a thrill wearing something more practical after being confined to corsets and heavy gowns inside the palace.

“Stella, please take care of the palace while I’m away,” Sarubia said with a gentle smile.

Stella’s lips pouted out because she couldn’t go together, and Asta, who was standing next to her, elbowed her teasingly.

Sarubia couldn’t help but chuckle.

“His Majesty is coming!” a servant announced.

The imperial guards parted to make way for Jenaden, who walked with an air of elegance. His long, pitch-black hair fluttered in the wind. His attire was simple, enough for him to look like an ordinary aristocrat. The coat embroidered with blue and gold-threaded coat accentuated his striking blue eyes.

Upon seeing Sarubia, Jenaden’s eyes softened with a smile.

“Empress, you are even more beautiful today.”

Sarubia, looking around with a sidelong glance, sighed quietly when she saw people looking at the two movingly.

People are falling for it again.

She longed to drop the act but couldn’t under the watchful eyes of onlookers. For now, she decided to play along.

“You are very handsome as well, Your Majesty.”

Jenaden’s eyebrow twitched subtly, but no one noticed.

After checking the luggage, they were ready to leave immediately. Jenaden boarded the carriage and turned around, extending his hand to Sarubia, who was stepping on the scaffold.

“Be careful, Empress.”

Sarubia gave him a pointed look before taking his hand. As soon as the door closed, she remarked, “You’re pretty good at acting.”

“Is that so?” Jenaden smirked.

“Yes, very much.”

Her pout amused him. Strangely, Jenaden found himself more at ease when Sarubia revealed her sharp edges than when she was obsessively devoted to him.

“Why did you suddenly decide on a vacation at the Bronar family’s villa?” Jenaden asked.

“Consider it your birthday present, Your Majesty.” Sarubia turned toward the window and fell silent.

Maybe it’s because it’s morning. The air was quite chilly.

The duke’s villa was just a short distance from the capital. It was obvious that her father and mother were already in the villa. They will probably show their innermost feelings by pretending to be nice to Jenaden and himself.

It won’t be the same this time.

She is not the weak empress anymore like before her regression.

* * *

“Welcome. Your Majesty.”

As they arrived at the villa, Sarubia’s parents greeted them warmly, their smiles masking ulterior motives. As Jenaden and Sarubia got off the wagon, the Duke of Bronar laughed, folding his sharp-looking eyes in half.

The Duchess next to him also made a quick trip to Sarubia and held her hand tightly with both hands. On the surface, it was like a mother and daughter who looked so sweet.

The newly painted villa gleamed white, and inside, a grand chandelier adorned with gold and jewels hung from the ceiling.

The Duke and Duchess of Bronar seemed frugal, but they actually liked to be extravagant.

Sarubia glanced at the duke, who looked at her with a brazen smile.

“Your Majesty, shall we have lunch first?” he suggested.

Sarubia felt a bad premonition as she noticed the gleam in his eyes.

‘What would he say during lunch?’ The thought made her stomach churn.

But she forced a smile and nodded.

‘I feel like I’m walking into a tiger’s den,’ Her lips felt dry.