Miss, It’s Just a Cold

Chapter 66: Just

In the end, my life wasn’t particularly amusing, nor was it all that exciting.

It was dreary and drained of energy, and it didn’t seem like it would change anytime soon.

Ah, but of course, I was still one of the “highborn,” and so was Ernst.

Maybe someday, in my grandson’s or great-grandson’s time, commoners will be so desperate to cut off the heads of nobles that they won’t be able to contain themselves. But that’s a story for the distant future.

It’s not like it’s about my children anyway.

That kind of thing is for people higher up and far more capable than me to handle.

The engagement was sealed with the ring Ernst had given me when I was feeling despondent.

And the wedding—if you could even call it that—was so small it felt embarrassing to use the term. Not that I minded.

Ernst seemed to find it oddly out of place, but really, what more do you need than two people saying they’ll spend the rest of their lives together?

The ceremony took place in a modest church near Altenburg’s villa. I wore a decent dress, and the priest officiating was respectable enough. 

Attendees included Ernst’s parents, Ariana, an elderly doctor who had been kind to me, and for some reason, Rin, a servant from Ernst’s household.

Oh, and Ernst’s friends showed up too. But instead of congratulating us, they only glared at me like I was some kind of monster before leaving abruptly.

And that was that. The wedding was over.

As for the first night… Well, it’s not something I’d like to dwell on.

A kiss, some effortful movement, coughing up blood, and ruining the mood—that’s not exactly a delightful story to recount.

I apologized to Ernst that night.

I begged him not to cast me out, pleading that it was fine if he met someone else, so long as he didn’t abandon me.

I’m not sure why I did that.

Maybe because Ernst was the only thread I had left.

If even that thread were cut, there’d be no reason for me to keep living in this world.

Sure, I had a reason to live growing in my belly, but I hadn’t seen its face yet.

Sometimes, I think about it.

What if my body weren’t like this?

What if I had been just a little healthier?

What if I hadn’t thrown up my meals in the bathroom after feeling a pang of sadness or emotion?

What if I hadn’t been born into the Reichten family?

Could I have lived a normal life, loved someone, and been happy?

Probably not.

I’m like most people—an insatiable creature who doesn’t know satisfaction.

Even so, I suppose this could be called a happy life.

I avoided Ernst’s parents by staying at the villa, barely seeing anyone. My belly grew steadily larger as I lived alone.

But at least no one was trying to kill me anymore.

Wasn’t Mozart’s music supposed to be good for unborn children?

Sitting at the piano Ernst had obtained for me, I spent my days playing the keys. When I got bored, I’d switch to the violin, and when that too grew tiresome, I’d sit in a padded chair and write down every piece of music I could remember onto sheet music.

If anyone asked why I hadn’t written my will yet, I’d say that was a task for later.

Perhaps the music I was leaving behind was my best will—not in words, but as my legacy.

The reason I hadn’t written a formal will yet was that my remaining time felt uncertain.

If I was unlucky, I’d have ten years. If I was lucky, I might live to see my first child fully grown.

And if I was very lucky, I could hope to grow old and die alongside Ernst after a long, quiet life.

Though I doubted I’d last that long.

Even now, when I closed my eyes to sleep, my mother, Fabian, Regen, Daniel, Ellie, and my father appeared, their bodies twisted grotesquely, slowly approaching me.

They’d stare at me for what felt like forever, always holding a gun in their hands.

My mother’s and father’s distorted faces were the easiest to deal with. Daniel, even with his head smashed in, would groan and approach me.

Pulling the trigger fixed everything.

Just as it had in reality, it worked in my dreams.

The gun didn’t make a sound in the dream, but the scene played out exactly as it had before—the same deaths.

Fabian and Ellie were the hardest to face.

They walked toward me, perfectly intact, without saying a word, simply staring at me.

Sometimes their expressions changed—usually when I taunted them, asking why they hadn’t gone to hell yet.

But they never answered.

Even my dreadful mother would curse me.

The worst part was that sometimes, even when I wasn’t asleep, I’d see them in front of me.

One day, after somehow finding a gun and trying to blow my head off, Ernst grabbed my arm and locked me in my room. He searched the entire house for every weapon and hid them somewhere.

He even assigned a servant to keep an eye on me.

That servant, of course, was Rin.

For some reason, I found it difficult to treat Rin harshly, even though I used to look down on her as a mere commoner.

Maybe it was because I’d spared her that day.

The visions of the past were nothing but burdens and pressure.

And I had no talent for enduring such things.

At least I hadn’t yet reached the point of confusing dreams with reality.

“…Ah.”

When I sat up in bed, I noticed the sheets and the dress I’d slept in were soaked with sweat.

The weather was cool, so why?

Moments like this always made me inexplicably angry.

I wandered over to the piano again but stopped before pressing a key.

I remembered the guitar Ernst had recently acquired for me and decided to fetch it from the music room.

Since I couldn’t strain my belly, I set it on a nearby table and plucked at the strings aimlessly.

It didn’t matter if the chords were perfect—just hearing them was enough.

Humming snatches of songs I used to hear, I filled in the forgotten lyrics with whatever came to mind.

Eventually, I got bored and laid my head down on the desk.

That was when Rin came running toward me, holding a broom as if she’d been sweeping moments before.

“Miss, there’s a visitor!”

“Mm…”

It sounded exhausting.

Rin said she liked working at Altenburg’s estate—it paid well and wasn’t too difficult—but I couldn’t bring myself to care much.

After all, only one person could possibly be visiting.

Ernst had said he’d be out today and wouldn’t return until evening, maybe tomorrow.

If he came back, it’d probably be with a slightly apologetic face, and that would suit me just fine.

I had told Ernst before:

When he eventually got sick of me or started finding me bothersome, he could just leave me here and find another woman.

It’s not like I’m in good health, and I can’t even properly handle bedroom matters.

Though he probably wouldn’t do it, I don’t think I’d be upset if he did find someone else.

Honestly, someone like Ernst is far too good for someone like me.

Besides, it’s practically standard in this era to have one or two mistresses.

As long as I wasn’t abandoned entirely, that would be enough for me.

In the meantime, chatting away to pass the time didn’t sound so bad.

You see it a lot in movies or dramas, don’t you?

Women gathering together to gossip about this and that, wasting time, and doing nothing of consequence.

In the drawing room, where visitors were typically received, Ariana was already comfortably seated, as if she belonged there.

She had even brewed tea and was already pouring it!

“Just sitting here like this is a bit dull. Shall I tell you a story or something?”

To this, Ariana gave a slightly unexpected reply.

“When are you going to stop being so formal? I thought we were pretty close by now.”

“Well, to me, you’ll always be a proper lady.”

“…What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing’s really changed. A few things around us disappeared, that’s all.

I’m still Emily, and you, Ariana… Let’s stop talking about this. It’s only going to make things awkward.”

Ariana glanced briefly at my belly before replying, “Alright.”

“By the way, how’s Ernst these days?

Before the baby, he was practically glued to your side all day long.”

He was, quite literally.

“Just the usual.

He studies during the day, then sometimes visits the house when he gets bored. Occasionally, he spends the whole day here, or he goes out for a bit and comes back.”

“You’re… managing, at least?”

She trailed off before finishing the question.

Ernst, even if he were to have an affair, would probably tell me about it first.

He’s not the type to lie, and I’ve already given him permission, so what could I say?

It’s not his fault my body is the way it is.

Back when I was living in the Reichten household, with my mother, I had once thought about breaking a window and running away to survive by whatever means necessary. But looking back now, that had been completely unrealistic.

I probably wouldn’t have lasted more than a few days.

“I’m the one who told him it’s fine, so… epuch—”

I coughed mid-sentence, hastily covering my mouth.

“I told him it’s fine.”

“…I hope you recover quickly. Are you feeling alright?”

“It’s just a cold. I’m perfectly fine.”

I smiled brightly as I answered.