Harmonious Love

First Kiss (12)

So, Tae Young-won was experiencing for the first time in his life a lukewarm response when proposing to be sex partners.

“Ra-rarity, no, sunbae, that’s not the issue…”

“Answer me, have you ever met a man like me elsewhere?”

“N-no?”

Certainly, Mo Yeon had never heard of or seen someone like Tae Young-won. Was there anyone else who could so shamelessly self-praise to the point of making one’s face flush?

His seemingly deeply hurt pride and each of his outrageous statements left Mo Yeon speechless.

“This is the first time I’ve talked this much, you know. I still can’t believe it, Mo Yeon. Because even now, your expression looks like you’re still considering it. Right?”

The dazed Mo Yeon finally spoke in a blank voice.

“No, it’s just that you’re saying this so suddenly…”

“I don’t care, let’s break up and be sex partners from now on. I can’t end it like this. Okay?”

Mo Yeon pressed his lips tightly together. That damned “sex partners” talk seemed impossible to get used to, no matter how many times he heard it.

“You’ve been living like this anyway. Let’s forget everything and go back to the comfortable relationship that suits us, Mo Yeon.”

“…”

“I’m saying let’s be honest with each other from now on and continue to get along well for a long time. Is this so hard to understand?”

His mind started to become complicated again. Mo Yeon clutched his head, feeling like it might burst from overload.

Saying it suits us. That was practically the same as saying he was the same kind of person as Tae Young-won.

Does it make any sense to say that he was similar to Tae Young-won? And therefore, this kind of relationship suited them better?

“…I’ve never done anything like being partners before, you know?”

“If you haven’t done it, that’s great. You can do it for the first time with me.”

“Hmm.”

Mo Yeon frowned seriously. Well, unlike Tae Young-won, he couldn’t come to a conclusion so easily.

To begin with, such things had never been natural or suitable for him.

Their relationship was one where there seemed to be no end to thinking about where to start fixing things. It had only not been a problem because they had just been covering it up until now.

In the midst of this, Tae Young-won, saying he couldn’t take it anymore, had dug into it for the first time.

“…Ah, this is driving me crazy.”

And interpreting Mo Yeon’s troubled expression somehow, Tae Young-won sighed. He also nervously messed up his hair. As far as Mo Yeon could vaguely sense, he seemed impatient now.

“…But you said we should be honest with each other?”

“Yes.”

“Without hiding anything? You want a perfectly honest relationship, right?”

Tae Young-won nodded. His face showed none of its usual mischievous playfulness.

Could he get along with Tae Young-won without hiding anything? And in a relationship he couldn’t understand by his common sense, as sex partners.

‘A perfectly honest relationship.’

No matter how he thought about it, Tae Young-won’s misunderstanding about him was too deep to become such a relationship. The very fact that he was making this proposal proved it.

From the beginning, to Tae Young-won, he was a flirtatious gay man with a hobby of peeping at others.

“…”

As his thoughts lengthened, Mo Yeon’s face darkened.

Even while hearing such things, he was in a position where he couldn’t explain that such things were unfamiliar and uncomfortable to him.

He still couldn’t think of a way to explain that he hadn’t stalked him out of obsession with men, and therefore, this proposal of being sex partners was an awkward suggestion for him. After all, he was still the stalker who had followed Tae Young-won around.

If he could have thought of some other excuse for why he had to do it, he would have done so long ago.

Then, perhaps, could he really be honest?

“Sunbae, then…”

Still looking down at his arm held by Tae Young-won, Mo Yeon’s lips moved.

Glancing to the side, he could still see black shapes crawling on the floor and walls.

His heart felt like it was being clenched.

‘You’ll run away if I’m really honest.’

For a moment, as if possessed, he had such a completely foolish thought. The moment he mentioned the existence that only he could see, Tae Young-won would immediately leave.

If he was going to leave anyway, he should end it here.

That was his real world that no one could understand.

His eyes, now a bit clearer, stared at Tae Young-won.

“Since we’re not dating anymore, what would you do if I met other people while seeing you?”

“What?”

Their gazes clashed sharply. Tae Young-won frowned.

“Mo Yeon, are you going to say something that irritates me just by hearing it? I’d never allow such a thing, even if my eyes were filled with dirt.”

He was talking about sex partners and whatnot, saying such nonsense. And now he was suddenly speaking like a Joseon-era scholar. Mo Yeon let out a short, derisive laugh.

“What’s this? You suggest being partners first, but in the end, it’s all on your own terms.”

“Then are you saying you’d meet other bastards while seeing me like that?”

“Is there a law against it when we’re not even dating? You’ll do it too. You’ll meet multiple other people. That’s what you’re saying now, isn’t it?”

“What if I say I won’t?”

“How can I believe that now? According to you, we’ve only been lying to each other all this time.”

Tae Young-won closed his mouth. Mo Yeon thought he saw his gaze waver. Feeling at a loss, Mo Yeon lowered his head.

Well, it really was time to stop. If there was any fault, it was in comfortably thinking this could go on forever.

At first, he thought he would find a way to escape this tedious situation while being with him. But getting used to the comfort Tae Young-won provided, he did nothing, making excuses that just attending school was overwhelming.

“Then for you.”

At that moment, Tae Young-won’s voice was heard.

“Is there no other reason to be with me?”

“…”

“The fact that I hit on you saying I’d take responsibility, and you’ve been strung along for this short while because of that. Is that the only reason you’ve been with me?”

Mo Yeon couldn’t help but be quite flustered by the voice that was much lower than usual. It was completely different from the excited voice from earlier. It was the calmest and most eerily subdued voice Mo Yeon had ever heard from him.

“Sleeping together every day, waking up and eating together, wearing the clothes I choose for you, going out together to attend classes, preparing presentations.”

“…”

“Recently, we’ve been sticking together even inside the school. We actually became close enough for everyone else to notice.”

Listening to the low, husky voice, Mo Yeon still didn’t look into his eyes.

“Have you never once thought that we fit each other so well that it would be a shame to break up?”

“…”

As he finished speaking, only pitch-black silence flowed through the alley.

“…Yes.”

Still without raising his head, Mo Yeon nodded.

They weren’t similar at all, not enough to dare say they were alike. He had never once thought they fit each other perfectly. Even seeing the sides of Tae Young-won that he hid from others while being with him, it was the same. He always felt that Tae Young-won was completely different from him, someone he could never be like.

“But sunbae, I…” More than anything else.

The words he had heard from them earlier kept lingering in his mind.

All the playful and affectionate actions and words that Tae Young-won had been doing for him, saying this was the duty of a lover, flashed through his mind like a panorama. What would happen from now on?

Would all of that disappear, with them only exploring each other’s bodies?

“I know I’m not confident either.”

“…”

“As things are now, I don’t want to do any of it. I guess it’s more shocking than I thought. The fact that this was all just a fake game.”

If Tae Young-won hadn’t said he would take responsibility for Mo Yeon in the first place, Mo Yeon wouldn’t have had sex with him.

At least for Mo Yeon, this short, strange romance was real. He thought it was real. Everything was a first, and it was a confusing start, but as time went on, there were more and more good things.

So, foolishly, he didn’t even look for other ways to gain positive energy, intoxicated by the sweetness.

“Still, we can’t say it was just like that.”

“That’s how it feels to me.”

When he thought Tae Young-won had simply lost interest in him, he certainly felt bitter. However, since it was a situation he had imagined countless times, believing it would come someday, now he felt an emotion even he hadn’t expected.

If he hadn’t gotten close to him in the first place, he wouldn’t have had to feel this emotion.

“It’s good that you thought we were a good match, sunbae, but partners… I don’t know.”

At the edge of his downcast gaze, he felt shadows creeping up.

Forget everything and start anew. In a perfectly honest relationship with each other.

As long as he could see such things, that was an impossible notion for a lifetime.

Carefully raising his gaze, Tae Young-won’s face came into view. The moment their eyes met, Mo Yeon flinched unconsciously.

“…Ah.”

It was because Tae Young-won was making a face Mo Yeon had never seen before.