Harmonious Love

First Kiss (11)

Throughout listening about the necklace last time, I hadn’t thought that far. I was only concerned about whether my question was typical compared to others.

It was all my delusion that I had completely escaped suspicion. Realizing this fact, the corners of my mouth unconsciously drooped. No matter how I looked at it, this seemed truly irreversible.

Even at today’s drinking gathering, I hadn’t noticed that Tae Young-won was still suspicious of me, nor that he had tested my feelings with that conversation.

And at the same time, I judged that Tae Young-won wasn’t someone who would talk to me like this unless he was fairly certain.

“…”

Mo Yeon stared at him for a moment.

Anyway, I was trapped in the snare Tae Young-won had set while I knew nothing. If so, I had no way to escape.

My pride was hurt and honestly, I felt bitter. Just when I thought my life was becoming peaceful lately, it seems like everything has fallen apart again…

“Then what should I do now? Even if I show you mine now, you’ve probably seen it to the point of boredom. You’ve fulfilled all your selfish desires while pretending to be fooled by me. That’s why you’re saying this now, right? Because you don’t need me anymore!”

“…”

“Foolishly showing everything you asked for…”

Shit. Mo Yeon bit his lip hard. He was on the verge of tears from regret and frustration.

He could have led the situation to be more unique to him. Instead, he had been played by Tae Young-won once again.

If I had known this would happen, I should have shown less…

Feeling so regretful, he was having such unbecoming thoughts as a human being.

“Mo Yeon.”

Along with a short sigh, Tae Young-won’s voice was heard. Mo Yeon slowly raised his gaze that had been fixed on the ground in despair.

“Let me ask you one thing.”

“…”

“Do you like me now?”

“…You mean, do I like you, sunbae?”

Those were the lips that had been kissing just a moment ago. Looking at the slightly upturned lips, Mo Yeon couldn’t easily open his mouth. As Mo Yeon couldn’t answer easily, he spoke again.

“We’ve been together for quite a while now. Even if you pick up a stray cat from the street and raise it, you’d grow attached after spending that much time together.”

“…”

“But you don’t have any particular feelings, right? That’s how I feel.”

Just a moment ago, that face had been smiling coldly. He was a person who habitually smiled. But now, there was no expression at all.

“…”

“…”

After a long silence passed, instead of answering, Mo Yeon asked.

“Then, what about you, sunbae?”

“…What?”

“When you told me back then that you only have sex with your partner, was that true?”

Mo Yeon wasn’t asking about his feelings. He already knew his feelings without asking. From the beginning, he never thought it would become genuine.

But what Mo Yeon was curious about was something else.

“Were the people I saw actually your partners to begin with?”

“…”

If we were to question like this, in fact, Mo Yeon had more than one or two suspicious things. He didn’t want to answer such childish questions first.

After letting out a brief sigh, he answered with a still expressionless face.

“Whether it’s women or men, I’ve never properly dated anyone. Why would I need such relationships in the first place? I don’t understand, it just seems troublesome for both parties.”

His voice was excessively dry. To Mo Yeon, it seemed like a value that Tae Young-won had established throughout his life. Otherwise, he couldn’t have spoken with such a confident face.

“Then you lied to me too, sunbae. You asked me to date you just to see how far I would go, for such a trivial reason? Even though you dislike men so much?”

“…”

Just how far does this person’s persistence make me endure?

I thought I had already seen enough of his true face, but that was all my delusion. There were still many aspects of him that I didn’t know.

Tae Young-won will never know how much I agonized since starting this strange relationship with him.

“Then the necklace you said you gave to your partner, was that about Kim Jung-hyun sunbae too?”

Not knowing this, I was happy thinking I had learned more about him. But it was all lies.

Human hearts are truly strange. Despite both of us lying and deceiving each other equally, and even though I had been deceiving much earlier if anything, I felt an inexplicable sense of betrayal that even I found hard to understand.

“Even if I were to say now that I’ve really come to like you, sunbae, nothing would change, right? Why are you asking such things? You don’t like me anyway.”

“But something has changed for me.”

“…”

Something has changed? What does that mean? Mo Yeon’s eyes wavered as he faced Tae Young-won.

“I’ve grown attached.”

“…”

“Like wrongly taking in a cat, and ending up getting attached.”

Tae Young-won was still holding Mo Yeon’s hand. Gripping the back of the unclasped hand more tightly, he moved a little closer.

“I was curious about what you were thinking when you approached me. After being constantly seduced and abandoned, I got annoyed and curious about the reason, so I held onto you. It wasn’t just to torment you. I was going to stop once I knew the reason.”

“…”

“Honestly, I still don’t know why you approached me. As of now, it just seems like it was for sex. That’s the most ordinary reason, right? It’s easy to understand too.”

Mo Yeon’s gaze turned to the ground again. He probably won’t be able to tell the reason why he approached him in the future either. Perhaps he’ll never be able to tell anyone for the rest of his life.

Even now, if he looked right beside him, there were beings only visible to him, and that’s why he needed sunbae to escape from reality even a little bit.

If only he could speak, he would want to say it too.

“But now I don’t think that reason matters much anymore.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Mo Yeon blinked quietly. Doesn’t this mean it’s all over now?

“I think it doesn’t matter anymore, things like why you approached me.”

“…”

“We’re getting along well and living together anyway, and it’s weird to become complete strangers like real lovers breaking up when we don’t have feelings for each other. So let’s stop this here and start over.”

He couldn’t understand what he meant. Start over?

“…Isn’t it over when we break up? What are we starting?”

“Let’s be sex partners. Stop playing this fake dating game.”

Mo Yeon’s mouth opened blankly.

Sex partners. He never expected to hear such an unfamiliar term face to face.

Even if it had all been deception until now, still. Wasn’t this person conservatively strange, saying he only had sex with his partner until just yesterday?

Honestly, for Mo Yeon, who was close to sexually ignorant until getting involved with Tae Young-won, he had never imagined receiving such a proposal.

“Sunbae, what are you saying to me right now?”

Perhaps because his chest felt cold, his voice came out gruff without him realizing. Seeming urgent, Tae Young-won frowned and said,

“Was there anything complicated in what I said? If there’s something you don’t understand, tell me. I’ll explain again.”

“Someone who always said they only do that with their partner is suddenly… You could have kept deceiving me if you still wanted to do that with me. Aren’t you doing this because you’re tired of it and bored?”

“Mo Yeon, that’s not it.”

If that’s not it, then what? Thinking about it again, I couldn’t understand the reason. Even after closing my mouth and thinking again, I couldn’t understand at all. As I shook my head saying I didn’t know, Tae Young-won said with his characteristically clear eyes,

“I didn’t know we’d get along this well, so I started off wrong from the beginning. How much energy does it take to lie? As we’ve lived together, we communicate well and our sex is good too. So it doesn’t make sense to end it just because we started off wrong.”

“…”

What Mo Yeon could infer from this was that he too seemed to have seriously pondered this issue until now.

“You have to keep deceiving endlessly even though you don’t like me either. What’s the point of us doing that?”

Is his words really rational? No matter what, I’ve never thought about such a relationship before, so my head was confused. Still, Mo Yeon tried his best to understand those words.

“I can’t give up your white porcelain dick right now even if I die. Honestly, with my current feelings, I might never be able to give it up.”

“…”

It was all the more absurd because he looked somewhat troubled. A sigh scattered into the air without Mo Yeon realizing.

As Mo Yeon’s contemplation seemed to drag on, Tae Young-won appeared to be getting slightly heated. His face seemed to be asking, ‘Do I have to persuade you to this extent?’

“Mo Yeon, is my suggestion to be sex partners that difficult to consider?”

“…”

“Isn’t having sex with me much more comfortable and better for you than meeting different men like before? Honestly, I didn’t expect you to hesitate this much.”

Mo Yeon’s brow furrowed slightly. Until now, if there was a sense that he was trying to persuade in his own way seriously, now there was a subtly different atmosphere.

“We live close by, we’ve been getting along well so far, and anyway, there hasn’t been a gay man in your life better than me in terms of body, looks, and even dick size, right? That’s why you’ve been following me around.”

“…”

Is it just my imagination that he seems to be throwing a tantrum in a strange way? Watching his seemingly excited appearance, Mo Yeon could quietly guess the situation.

“Is it such a difficult proposal to only have sex with me, a handsome guy who’s newly become gay, enticed by your soft white porcelain dick, instead of ugly born-gay guys? I’m a rare gay who won’t even look at anyone else with the same equipment as me except you until I die?”

So, Tae Young-won is experiencing for the first time in his life a lukewarm response when proposing to be sex partners.