Delusive Fate

#067

I’m going to tell Ki Baek-woo as soon as he opens his eyes. “Get out to the gate, you habitual delinquent bastard.” For that, I should at least let him sleep. Sending him to the gate in that zombie state is a bit… I guess I’m truly the world’s biggest pushover, no matter what anyone says.

I thought about yesterday, when I returned home from the central street.

Ki Baek-woo stood firmly in front of the entrance door until I took off my shoes, entered the house, and removed the shirt I was wearing. He followed my movements with a faint gaze that made it hard to tell if he was alive or dead. Annoyed by Ki Baek-woo just staring at me persistently without any intention of coming in, I asked:

“Ki Baek-woo, what are you doing?”

“……”

“Not going to answer?”

“…Looking.”

“Looking at what?”

“Hyung…”

Ki Baek-woo took a breath between each word as if even uttering a single word was exhausting. I stood askew in the living room, arms crossed, facing off with this guy.

“Am I a zoo monkey? Just keep looking then. If you’re not going to sleep there, just come in. I’m saying this because you’re annoying me.”

“No… I’ll come in after you’re done washing up and everything…”

Ki Baek-woo just made frustrating, wall-like responses.

“Can’t you just act normal? Why do you keep doing things you never used to do? I feel like I’m being surveilled right now.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to. Just…”

Ki Baek-woo’s slowly flowing words were gloomy. The speed of his voice, his slurred pronunciation. Ki Baek-woo muttering so depressingly like that. Not a single thing wasn’t gloomy. Even the sensor light in the entrance didn’t seem to recognize him as a human but as some dark energy, as the pale yellow light showed no sign of turning on despite Ki Baek-woo’s movements.

“Hyung… might go out again.”

That statement didn’t make much sense. Because I was completely confused about what he meant by such words, I had to think for a moment. What would he do if I might go out again? Is he saying he’ll stop me, or that he’ll act as a five-minute standby team to follow me?

Geez, I’m dumbfounded. Ki Baek-woo just stood there, watching my mouth open in bewilderment. This is really too much. It’s getting worse and worse. Is there no limit to how crazy he can get? I thought this Ki Baek-woo was imitating all the actions of the first Lee Han-sol, but I take that back. He’s much more pathetic than that.

Even though the first Lee Han-sol was a crazy bastard who followed Ki Baek-woo into S-class gates despite being only C-class, he at least had some sense of judgment. Back then, I clearly recognized that what I was doing was insane behavior. No matter how rotten my insides were, my actions were clear and my words were articulate. I still had some semblance of judgment left, so I knew to throw myself to save Jung Yi-dam and die being eaten by Destruction instead. Of course, the problem was that this judgment was solely focused on Ki Baek-woo.

Anyway, compared to the current Ki Baek-woo, that Lee Han-sol seems incredibly sane. The current Ki Baek-woo, if I had to compare, feels like a combination of the first Lee Han-sol’s bewilderment, the second Lee Han-sol’s desperation, the third Lee Han-sol’s persistence, and the helplessness of the previous Lee Han-sol who died twenty-four times. As if experiencing all at once the pain of twenty-five times that had been neatly stacked up and put aside. Though that’s probably not the case.

I was too tired to respond anymore and finished preparing for bed. After washing up roughly and changing into pajamas, Ki Baek-woo really only then stepped inside.

And after that, it was almost like a war.

“Ki Baek-woo, come here and sit down.”

I sat firmly on the sofa, waiting for Ki Baek-woo to finish washing up. After calling over and seating the guy who looked somewhat cleaner than before, I asked point-blank if he was skipping gates. Ki Baek-woo’s mouth was shut tight like a clam, showing no sign of opening.

“Hey, why aren’t you answering calls from the center? Even if you’re not going, you should at least say you’re not going. Because of you, I’ve become a kidnapper. People are saying I’ve tied you up at home. The rumor’s all over the place, how are you going to take responsibility for this?”

“I… didn’t know about that. I’ll tell them it’s not true. I’m sorry.”

“Okay. Quickly contact the center and tell them you’re going to the gate. That you weren’t kidnapped. Bring your phone here.”

Ki Baek-woo, who seemed like he might listen to reason, shut his mouth again and persisted. I felt like I was going to burst, so I pressed him hard.

“I said bring your phone? You said you’d do everything I tell you to, but now you’re being stubborn like this?”

Even after saying that much, Ki Baek-woo showed absolutely no sign of moving on his own. Thinking what kind of stubborn fool is this, I just picked up the phone I had beside me and called Ki Baek-woo. But I heard an absurd response. The customer’s phone is turned off…. I thought, no way. Surely not.

“Ki Baek-woo, you…”

“……”

“You didn’t deliberately turn off your phone, did you?”

“……”

“What’s with that expression…? Did you really turn it off on purpose? To avoid calls from the center? Since when?”

Ki Baek-woo silently nodded with his head down. I pressed again, “Since when!” but he didn’t answer that. I was at a loss for words. Yeah, now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve seen Ki Baek-woo fiddling with his phone all this time. I didn’t think about it because I didn’t pay attention to what he was doing unless it was bothering me. If I had noticed him contacting anyone, I might have realized something was strange… No, wait.

If Ki Baek-woo was that unreachable, wouldn’t they have contacted me? My number is the emergency contact. But why was my phone quiet too? I stared at Ki Baek-woo like he was some strange life form, then suddenly had a thought and went through my phone contacts. Thinking “no way, no way,” I checked the blocked list and… I was shocked at Ki Baek-woo’s sneakiness.

“What is this? You’ve blocked all the numbers from the central center…! That’s why I didn’t get any calls!”

I never raised you to be such a weirdo. I raised you well, so why have you become such a strange guy? I felt a sense of betrayal. It felt like discovering that the plant I thought was a lily or rose and cherished was actually a Venus flytrap.

As I was fuming with indignation and resentment, Ki Baek-woo muttered in a voice so small it was barely audible.

“Sorry.”

“Sorry? Soooorry? Are you really sorry? Do you know what you’re sorry for?”

I let out a hollow laugh, unable to calm down, and Ki Baek-woo quietly nodded again. And then what he said next was outrageous.

“I’m sorry for messing with hyung’s phone without permission…”

He seemed only sorry for secretly messing with my phone, but not at all sorry for blocking all the center’s phone numbers. I was a bit stunned. To think he went this far just for the sake of completely skipping gates.

This was truly an incomprehensible attitude. Besides the fact that Ki Baek-woo’s actions like this had ruined the game’s predetermined story and the events that should have occurred in between, it was problematic. Ki Baek-woo is a hunter. Even setting aside the setting where he’s supposed to burn with love for Jung Yi-dam in the gates, for Ki Baek-woo, an S-class hunter, to avoid raids like this was really disgraceful behavior.

The gates occurring in A District were twice as frequent and high-grade compared to other regions. The problem was that the number of high-ranking hunters who could handle such serious gates was half that of low-ranking hunters. Of course, this is probably all forced setting to gather S-class main characters in one area, but anyway, for this reason, high-ranking hunters had to reside in A District mandatorily. If they, who were already short in number, lived scattered here and there, the chances of schedule conflicts when called for gates would be high. If a high-grade gate were to explode as a result, the country that had just been rebuilt would be in ruins again.

Given this reality, high-ranking hunters tended to think naturally. ‘I am a strong hunter, so destroying gates takes priority over everything. Refusing a raid is unthinkable.’ It was a natural and obvious way of thinking, hardly even worth calling a belief. Ki Baek-woo was no different. Even when he had just awakened, he was never like this. He felt depressed about having to be apart from me for days because of raids, but he never tried to avoid them.

But now he’s refusing gates.

I want to crack open Ki Baek-woo’s skull and look inside. How long does Ki Baek-woo, who used to lie and roam outside because he loved sticking to Jung Yi-dam in the gates so much that being at home with Lee Han-sol felt terrible, intend to hide?

I was now so confused that I shouted at Ki Baek-woo.

“Hey, why aren’t you going to the gates? Go right now!”

“……”

“Oh, you keep not answering. This won’t do, I’m going to unblock and talk directly with the center. An S-class guy with his mind completely gone, really. Do you know you’re threatening world peace right now? Will you only come to your senses when a gate explodes and everyone dies?”

“…Stop it. Don’t do that, hyung.”

“Shut up, don’t talk to me. Ah, hey, what are you doing! Don’t take it!”

As I was looking at the blocked phone numbers of central center departments and officials, Ki Baek-woo snatched the phone from my hand at the speed of light. He had suddenly stood up and was now stumbling backward, avoiding my gaze.

“What are you doing, Ki Baek-woo? Give that back.”

“No.”

“If you don’t want me to contact them instead, then you contact them right now!”

“No.”

“What’s so bad about it?”

At that moment, Ki Baek-woo’s back hit the wall as he kept backing up. Ki Baek-woo’s body started to tremble slightly. I couldn’t tell if it was from anger or sadness. “Hey, Ki Baek-woo.” When I called out as if urging him, Ki Baek-woo blurted out with an empty face.

“You’re going to leave.”

“Leave what, who’s going where?”

“…Hyung, you’re going to leave. You’re going to leave me behind.”

Ki Baek-woo’s voice, which had been muttering as if talking to himself, gradually grew louder.

“You’re trying to get rid of everything while I’m gone, aren’t you? You’re going to abandon someone like me here and just you, only you…!”

In the end, Ki Baek-woo shouted as if writhing.

“Why should I go? I can’t go, how can I go anywhere when you’re like this? Gates? What the hell are those? Just let everyone die. Why should I think about such things? You said I was your world… Without you, I’m ruined anyway. I have no reason to live. So why should I care about other people living?”

“Hey, Ki Baek-woo…!”

“When you’re trying to throw me away like trash, gates? While I’m wasting time uselessly outside, if you disappear without giving me a chance to cling to you. If after that, you never want to associate with someone like me again? If you won’t even look at me once no matter how much I beg? Then how am I supposed to live… Hyung, how am I supposed to live…”

I know. It’s all my fault. Muttering faintly, Ki Baek-woo staggered, unable to steady himself.

“Because I’m a filthy, pathetic traitor, that’s why I ruined everything. But, no matter how stupid I am, I won’t do something as dumb as throwing away my life without a fight. I have to try something, don’t I? When you’re trying to abandon me, shouldn’t I try everything I can…?”

The hand holding my phone was as white as paper. It seemed like he was scared, or maybe unable to contain his anger. Ki Baek-woo’s hand, with veins popping out desperately, was completely unreadable.