Beginning to the End

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I lied down on my bed staring at the ceiling. I think I might have to clean it soon, there are a few cobwebs on the corners.

My mom's words, keep echoing in my mind, but one sentence gets a particular spotlight..

"You told me that you were happy to finally get your own role and not act as the younger version of another actress."

Did the past me think like that? I can't remember anything, neither can I remember being so optimistic about something. Maybe without my realization, I have become more statistic oriented.

It is a role where you got nothing to gain and everything to lose. The drama has horrible ratings, the story is in shambles and my character is frustrating. Why should I care about those things? I used to never care about these things, I loved acting, so I will act. Everything else can take a backseat.

Maybe I needed time to re-center myself, to look back at my past self and to re-align my goals.

If you think about it, that all to lose and nothing to gain doesn't really apply to me. I have everything to gain and nothing to lose. It'll probably not be a successful drama and whatnot, but my role is quite small, it will not affect me much. Besides, I could just think of it like a nostalgic trip.

I barely have any screentime anyways, It'll basically be a sightseeing session. My last involvement with the entertainment industry.

That's right, I think I should just quit the show business. I don't think I have a suitable personality nor looks to become a celebrity.

It's a decision I'm planning to make anyways. Nothing ever works out for me as an actress. I barely get any projects anymore and I spend my time doing part time jobs.

Before that car accident that sent me back here, I was already thinking of getting a different degree so that I could get a higher paying job and not just stick around doing part time jobs.

I was already considering quitting acting a few years ago, but I stubbornly held on, hoping for some sort of miracle. Some sort of reversal.

Well, nothing happened in the end. I'm this old me and I have no projects whatsoever.

Failure, failure, failure...

No, think about something else.

Right, I'll be able to go on set after a long time.

I'll have fun, enjoy shooting for the last time and finally focus on my studies to get into a nice university. Then I will get a nice job that pays well and I'll go on frequent vacations and...Maybe I'll act for fun once in a while.

Maybe I should just make acting into a hobby?

Something just clicks in my mind.

Yeah, why didn't I think of this? I'll get a nice degree and a nice job. I'll be able to enjoy acting and possibly have a better career. During weekends, I could get some extra roles for fun.

I don't get cursed at all by the public, I don't have reporters analysing weird theories about me, and I don't have to deal with the intrique of showbiz.

It's seems the perfect solution.

Anyways, I think I'm doing Spring Breeze.

It'll be my last rodeo, well kind of.

Now that the drama is settled, I should think about this time travel thing...

It is a night filled with overthinking and speculations.

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In the morning, I told my mom that I am going to participate in Spring Breeze and her smile really looked like the spring breeze.

"I knew it, you said you didn't want to act, but you had that stare. Like you are unwilling to give up your favorite toy. I know you too well to not see the signs."

Did I have that habit?

" Well, you'd better not change your mind after we sign the contract, otherwise it'll be complicated and I'll really hate you." My mom joked, a cheeky grin on her lips.

"By the way Hana, why aren't you prepared for school?"

"Huh, what school?"

It suddenly dawned on me that I am now a 15 year old who unfortunately still has to go to school.

Unfortunately again I probably have forgotten everything by now. I don't even know which class I belonged to, what subject is taught today and the worst of all, I've forgotten everyone's names.

I wanted to curse.