LGHTNOVELBOOK Chapter 40
Chapter 40. Resolve to Survive
“…Ah…”
The monster burned away in the flames, disappearing.
At the brink of death, its voice carried a hint of relief.
“…As I thought, I still can’t fully control it.”
Even though I had to end it quickly, I might have overdone it a bit.
The moment I deactivated my ability, my body began to burn from the backlash.
(This means no baths for a few days…)
Thinking about the painful days of dealing with burns ahead made me want to cry a little.
As the monster died, cracks began forming one after another in the space around us.
Brushing aside the remnants of the disintegrating space, I walked toward Hattori-san. There was still a chance something could happen, but more than that, I wanted to complain to her.
I couldn’t overlook the self-sacrificing way she fought.
As I approached, she seemed dazed, her expression blank as if unable to grasp the situation.
Her eyes blinked repeatedly in confusion.
“Senpai, are you okay?”
After such reckless moves, her body must have taken considerable strain.
Although there didn’t seem to be any visible injuries, her muscle fibers were probably shredded.
“Eh? Oh, I’m fine. But you, Yanagi-kun, what on earth—?”
Hattori-san asked with a puzzled expression.
Well, that was a natural question, but I had no intention of answering it now.
“I’m Yanagi Hayato, nothing more, nothing less.”
I offered a vague reply.
Something about this incident reeked of human interference.
I might be able to trust Hattori-san with my abilities, but in a place where unseen eyes could be anywhere, I couldn’t carelessly reveal my hand.
“More importantly, Senpai, you were planning to take that monster down with you, weren’t you?”
“Huh? N-no, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Her eyes darted around, and beads of sweat dripped down her face.
…She’s obviously shaken, trying to cover it up?
As I stared at her with narrowed eyes, Hattori-san avoided my gaze and looked down.
“Sigh… I’m not you, Hattori-san, so I can’t claim to understand what you were thinking while fighting. But surely there were other ways to handle it?”
“Y-yeah… I’m sorry. I lost my head and couldn’t think straight…”
Was that really the case?
To me, it didn’t seem like she was that flustered.
“I don’t want to nag, so I’ll just say one thing: don’t go into battle ready to die. If you’re going to fight, fight with the resolve to survive.”
“The resolve to survive…?”
I hate people who sacrifice themselves to save their comrades or family.
No matter how much they want to protect someone, to those left behind, a life sustained by someone’s sacrifice is nothing but a curse.
That’s why I’ll never wager my life in battle.
But I will risk everything else.
My arms, my eyes—if those can protect my family, they’re cheap sacrifices.
It’s far better than dying.
“Yes, the resolve to survive. Many people want you to live, Hattori-san. Think about their feelings. You, of all people, should understand the pain of losing comrades.”
“…But, considering the world, isn’t it better to sacrifice one person to save another valuable individual rather than attempt a reckless plan where both might not survive? We were just lucky this time.”
“Heh!”
I scoffed at her reasoning.
“The world? Screw that. I couldn’t care less who lives or dies out there.”
“Wait! You can’t just say it like that!”
It seems I hit a nerve.
Her anger flared up instantly.
“Am I wrong? To me, you matter far more than some random people. I don’t think anyone out there is worth dying for.”
That’s how I see it.
This world is filled with citizens worth protecting, but there’s also an abundance of evil worth erasing.
So I fight not for the world, but for the people close to me.
“Then… what about all the people who’ve already died? What were they fighting for?!”
Hattori-san yelled, her emotions boiling over.
To her, my words were likely unacceptable, as they denied the sacrifices of those who had entrusted their futures to her.
“Some of them wanted to live more than anything! Some had families they cherished! They gave up their lives so we could have a future! How can you say their sacrifices were meaningless?!”
Tears welled up in her eyes as she shouted, her voice full of anger, guilt, hatred, sorrow, despair—everything.
And I thought to myself: it’s a curse.
Hattori-san is haunted by the ghosts of her fallen comrades.
She might not realize it, but her words betrayed a deeply ingrained belief:
“That’s how it should be.”
“I’m not saying their sacrifices were meaningless.”
“Then—!”
“But I don’t think they were the right answer, either. The truth is, Hattori-san, you’re still suffering because of them, aren’t you?”
Her reckless lifestyle—perhaps it was driven by the sense that she had to live for others who couldn’t.
Hattori-san is a deeply empathetic person.
Seeing others sacrifice themselves for her must have left a scar deeper than anyone could imagine.
Naturally, there’s a limit to how much she can bear.
Maybe, subconsciously, she saw this situation as an opportunity—a way out.
Perhaps she thought she could end her pain by dying here without realizing it.
“I don’t even know what’s right anymore…”
She looked like a lost child, her eyes wavering, her body shrinking.
Her faith in everything she believed in was crumbling.
It was painful to watch. My chest ached.
This world is truly cruel.
Why should someone like Hattori-san, who is so kind and selfless, have to suffer?
Why should someone who smiles for others shed tears like this?
I couldn’t stand it any longer.
So I spoke, weaving words together.
Because I wanted to see Hattori-san smile—from the heart.
“Then, until you find the resolve to survive, until you discover a strong reason to live, I’ll protect you.”
◇
I couldn’t process what was happening anymore.
I had always believed that working tirelessly for a world where everyone could smile was the right thing to do.
It was what my fallen comrades had wished for.
When faced with dire circumstances, I instinctively chose to sacrifice myself.
It seemed like the best choice for the world.
But Yanagi-kun called that idea absurd.
Why wouldn’t I struggle to survive until the end?
Why would I risk my life for people I didn’t even know?
Though his words enraged me, the more I listened, the less certain I became about what was right.
It was true—I was still suffering.
I didn’t want anyone else to feel this way.
But I also didn’t want to waste the sacrifices of those who had passed.
If giving my life could save countless others, then that was what I was ready to do.
But honestly? I didn’t know what was right anymore.
…I was so tired.
Wouldn’t it be better to keep doing this for the world?
It was the cleanest, most peaceful path that could make everyone happy.
If my single life could be the key to saving so many, then that would be—
“Until you find a reason to live, a reason strong enough to make you want to survive, I’ll protect you.”
Mid-thought, Yanagi-kun’s words broke through.
“You need time to think about yourself, Hattori-san. So, at least for now, let me buy you that time.”
“Why would you go that far for me?”
“Because it was you who brought me out of my rut. If not for you, I would’ve kept burdening Aoi with my troubles.
You’re my savior, Hattori-san.”
Though I thought it was a trivial reason, it clearly mattered deeply to him.
His eyes conveyed his sincerity.
“Now it’s my turn to save you. If you’re ever in a situation where you feel like there’s no way out, just call my name. I’ll come running, no matter what.”
He declared it confidently, without a shred of doubt.
No proof, and no guarantees. Yet somehow, his words carried weight.
“Feel free to lean on me, Senpai.”
“I’ll be leaning on you a lot, you know?”
The words slipped out on their own.
…Why did I say that?
I wasn’t planning to. I wasn’t supposed to.
I’m the one who should be supporting him.
“That’s fine. In fact, I welcome it.”
“I’m really, really troublesome, though…”
“Ha! You’re already troublesome enough, so no big deal.”
Hearing someone say they’d protect me—it was the first time in my life.
I couldn’t describe the emotions swirling within me. But the tears streaming down my face weren’t from sadness.
“Don’t worry. I’m the strongest, after all! Like the hero of some story, I’ll solve anything that comes our way!”
“Ha… What’s with that?”
Before I realized it, I was smiling.
Not my usual smile, but one from deep within.
“So, what do you say? Let’s keep going, just a little longer, to find your reason to live—for yourself.”
Yanagi-kun held out his hand.
If I took it, I’d have to endure more suffering.
Life would be unbearably hard, full of moments that would make me feel like breaking.
But even so—
I reached out and grabbed his hand.
Because there are people who would grieve for my death.
Because I want to protect those people.
And because there’s a kind hero who says he’ll stand by me and protect me.