Chapter 7: Chapter 7: Tokiomi: This Is Beyond Absurd
After floating forward at a constant speed for five seconds, Tom's feet finally touched the ground again, and he continued to run away from Hephaestion's chariot.
However, it didn't seem to be working. Eight legs were undoubtedly faster than four, and to make matters worse, the chariot had two wheels!
Tom glanced back and saw the chariot catching up again. His rear end was about to get skewered once more, so he quickly stretched his legs forward, suspended in mid-air, and switched from running on four legs to running on his hands. This successfully widened the gap between him and the chariot!
"Damn it, just who are you?!" Hephaestion, who had been about to activate her Noble Phantasm to crush Tom, was shocked to see him outrunning her chariot using only his hands!
A cat Servant with such speed—she had never even heard of such a thing!
If Tom had been running at full speed to outpace her chariot, Hephaestion might have been able to accept it. But the problem was, this damn cat was using only his hands! Just his hands!
In that moment, Hephaestion felt the same helplessness Alexander had experienced when facing Tom. Since being summoned, she had imagined encountering powerful opponents, but she had never expected something so absurd.
Meanwhile, Tom seemed to realize that the chariot behind him couldn't keep up. His confidence surged, and he even started to get a bit cocky, frequently looking back at Hephaestion and laughing.
"You little...!" Seeing Tom's antics, Hephaestion's face darkened.
As if that wasn't enough, Tom turned his entire body around to face Hephaestion, placed his thumbs on his temples, wiggled his fingers, and stuck out his tongue, fully entering mockery mode. "Lalalalala~~~!!!"
However... Tom's joy didn't last long. He ran headfirst into a tree.
Thud~~~!!!
Tom's entire body seemed to embed itself into the tree. He struggled to pull himself free, his hands pushing against the trunk as he finally managed to extricate himself. Dizzy, he plopped down on the ground.
Even worse, stars were visibly spinning around his head—actual, visible stars.
Seeing Tom crash into the tree, Hephaestion's eyes lit up. Although she found it utterly ridiculous that Tom had knocked himself out by running into a tree, she didn't waste the opportunity. She pulled the reins, made a wide turn, and then ascended to a height of several dozen meters, about a hundred meters away from Tom, and began charging her attack.
"Perfect. My Master has allowed me to use my Noble Phantasm. Let this be the place where your second life... no, your second cat life ends!"
With that, the entire chariot became enveloped in crimson lightning. The overwhelming red lightning dyed the sky a deep red. If anyone in the city looked toward the school at that moment, they would see a crimson sky above it.
It was as if the Holy Grail War was being revealed to the residents of Fuyuki City.
"Be crushed by the crimson lightning, trample everything! Hecatic Wheel!"
With that, Hephaestion pulled the reins, and the chariot, now fully engulfed in crimson lightning, charged straight toward Tom!
Tom had just recovered from the stun caused by crashing into the tree. When he saw the chariot charging at him, he screamed in terror, "Ahhh!!!"
His eyes popped out of his head, flying several dozen centimeters forward, and his soul was so frightened that it flew out of his body, also moving several dozen centimeters away. His eyes, body, and soul were now clearly separated.
But this state didn't last long. In less than a second, Tom reassembled himself and began trying to dodge the attack. He ran a few steps to the left of the tree, then suddenly felt it wasn't the right direction and ran to the right. Still, something felt off.
Based on his past experience with such attacks, aerial strikes like this were usually homing attacks, impossible to dodge.
In the end, Tom ran back to the tree and dug a grave-sized hole just big enough to fit himself. He then pulled out a pen and paper and wrote his last will and testament.
By this point, the chariot was almost upon him. But Tom didn't panic. Instead, he pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and began smoking it leisurely.
When Hephaestion saw Tom get up and start running away, she almost thought her attack would miss. She was about to stop using her Noble Phantasm when she noticed Tom had calmly returned to take the hit. This amused her greatly.
Well, if he was going to make it easy for her, she wouldn't hold back. So, Hephaestion decisively charged forward!
Boom!!!!!
With a deafening crash, the chariot slammed directly into Tom. Under the impact of the chariot and the torrent of crimson lightning, Tom was instantly reduced to ashes. The tree behind him was also obliterated in an instant.
As the chariot passed by, the pile of ash that was Tom fell perfectly into the grave he had dug earlier. The dirt he had dug up then fell back into the hole, burying Tom's grave completely.
A piece of the tree, now shaped like a wooden board, happened to land in front of Tom's grave, serving as a makeshift tombstone. Everything fell into place perfectly.
"Hahaha, serves you right!" After crushing Tom, Hephaestion flew another few dozen meters before slowing down. She pulled the reins to change direction and looked back at the spot where Tom had been annihilated. Her mood couldn't have been better.
To be honest, she had been a little nervous when she saw Tom's calm and collected demeanor earlier. She had even considered stopping her attack, fearing that Tom might have some trick up his sleeve to defeat her, just like how he had taken down Alexander with a single strike.
But it seemed she had worried for nothing. Apparently, this cat wasn't as formidable as she had thought.
"Now it's your turn." Hephaestion pointed her sword at Minamoto. Although she couldn't sense any Servant aura from him, she was certain Minamoto was also a Servant.
After all, if he weren't a Servant, Minamoto would have been killed instantly during the earlier fall. There was no way he could have survived until now.
"Holy crap!" Seeing Hephaestion preparing to attack him, Minamoto panicked. How could he not? Being targeted by a Servant was a surefire way to meet his end!
Just as he was about to use a Command Seal to summon Tom, he noticed that Tom's grave had disappeared, and Tom was standing there as if nothing had happened.
Tom had just reformed from his ashen state when he heard a very familiar voice shout, "Holy crap!" He turned to look and saw Hephaestion, who had just run him over with her chariot, now charging toward Minamoto.
Instantly, Tom sucked in a sharp breath, and the temperature around him seemed to rise slightly.
Tom thought, Oh no, I was only offline for a few seconds, and now my home is about to be raided!
Reacting quickly, Tom looked around for something to save his new master. Finally, a branch lying quietly nearby caught his attention. Tom grinned mischievously and immediately came up with a plan.
Tom quickly picked up the branch, stripped off the bark and smaller twigs, leaving only a small fork at the front, and tied a rope to the end. He then tied the other end of the rope to a tree stump left from the earlier collision. A makeshift harpoon was now in Tom's hands.
Holding the branch like a javelin in his right hand, Tom aimed at the chariot. After hopping forward a few times on one foot, he hurled the "harpoon" with all his might!
Whoosh!!!
Without any lead time, Tom threw the harpoon directly at the chariot. Logically, it shouldn't have hit, but the harpoon transformed into a homing missile, chasing after the chariot relentlessly!
Thud! In just three seconds, the harpoon caught up to Hephaestion's chariot and embedded itself in the back.
"Huh? What was that... Whoa!"
Just as Hephaestion turned to look, the rope tied to the harpoon reached its maximum length and snapped taut. The chariot came to an abrupt halt in mid-air before plummeting straight to the ground due to "gravity"!
"No way, how are you still alive... Ugh!"
As she fell, Hephaestion noticed that Tom had come back to life. But before she could finish her sentence, she and her chariot were pulled to the ground by "gravity," crashing hard.
Seeing Hephaestion lying motionless on the ground, Minamoto tentatively asked, "Is it over...?"
"...No way, it should be dead!" Just as Minamoto finished speaking, Hephaestion pushed herself up with trembling arms, barely managing to stand.
She was starting to question her sanity. If her eyes weren't deceiving her, she had just used her Noble Phantasm to reduce Tom to ashes. By all logic, Tom should have been the first Servant to be eliminated from the Holy Grail War.
But less than a few seconds later, Tom had "resurrected" and used some unknown power to bring her down from the sky.
Looking back at her chariot, Hephaestion noticed a wooden stick embedded in it—the very stick that had brought her chariot down!
This was hard for Hephaestion to accept. Moreover, if Tom had the ability to bring her down from the sky, why had he played that ridiculous game of cat and mouse earlier? During the chase, she had thought that dealing with chariots was Tom's weakness.
Now, Hephaestion felt like she was seeing ghosts. Was this cat just too overpowered?
First, he effortlessly defeated her former lord, Alexander, with overwhelming swordsmanship. Then, he outran her chariot—using only his hands! He didn't even bother using his legs!
And then, he took a full-powered Noble Phantasm head-on and came out completely unscathed!
What kind of horror story was this? Was she even participating in the same Holy Grail War?!
While Hephaestion was questioning her existence as a Heroic Spirit, Tom trotted over to Minamoto, looking smugly at Hephaestion, who was now kneeling on the ground.
Suddenly, Tom seemed to have an idea. He turned around, stuck out his rear end toward Hephaestion, and slapped his own butt while looking back at her.
"You damn cat!" Hephaestion had thought Tom was coming to finish her off, but instead, he had come specifically to mock her. Realizing this, Hephaestion's face twisted in anger.
Using her sword as support, she tried to stand up and fight Tom again to salvage her pride. But just then, a red light enveloped her body. Clearly, her Master was using a Command Seal to summon her back.
"Tch..."
Feeling the force of the Command Seal, Hephaestion had no choice but to give up on continuing the fight. "I'll be back!"
With that, Hephaestion disappeared completely, along with the chariot that Tom had brought down from the sky with his homing harpoon.
"Incredible, incredible! As expected of you!" Minamoto rubbed Tom's head in praise. "Great job! Let's go, I'll treat you to a feast!"
Without needing to be told, Tom's eyes had already turned into the shape of delicious food. Minamoto picked Tom up and placed him on his shoulder before heading down the hill. Although Tom carrying him would have been much faster...
After the terrifying experience of being carried by Tom earlier, Minamoto's legs were still weak. He swore he would never let Tom carry him again.
Now, the only ones left at the scene were Waver, who was trembling behind the warhorse Bucephalus, and Alexander, who had been lying motionless on the ground ever since being knocked out at the start.
Only after confirming that Minamoto and Tom had left did Waver dare to come out from behind Bucephalus.
During the battle between Tom and Hephaestion, Waver had been terrified, fearing that he might accidentally be killed by either Tom or Hephaestion. Fortunately, it seemed no one had noticed his presence.
After running over to Alexander, Waver patted his face, trying to wake him up. "Wake up, Rider!"
"Hmm... hmm, what happened?" Alexander rubbed his eyes and looked around, not seeing any other Servants. He asked in confusion, "Huh? Where is everyone? Where did they go?"
"It's over!" Waver said, exasperated. "Rider, what were you even doing back there?!"
"Oh..." Alexander tilted his head, then nodded as if he understood. He stood up and bent down to pick up his fallen sword.
But just as he was about to grab it, he froze for a moment, then suddenly stood up straight, finally realizing what Waver had said. "Wait, what? It's over?! I was defeated?!"
"Of course! You were taken out by that cat in one hit!" Seeing how slow his Servant was to react, and how he only now realized what had happened, Waver couldn't help but facepalm.
Suddenly, he felt a bit sorry for Alexander, even wondering if that blow to the head had damaged his brain.
"I don't remember much. I was dueling with him, and then a light bulb appeared above his head, and then... then... ouch ouch ouch..." As he spoke, Alexander suddenly clutched the back of his head. For some reason, it hurt as soon as he stood up. When he touched it, the pain was so intense it felt like he was wearing a mask of agony.
After carefully feeling around, Alexander realized there was a bump the size of half a fist on the back of his head!
"Did that cat Servant use a Noble Phantasm on me? But I didn't hear any True Name release... Still, that must be it! Otherwise, there's no way I could have been defeated so easily!"
Seeing Alexander trying to rationalize his defeat, Waver immediately refuted him. "No, he just knocked you out with a single strike."
Alexander looked incredulous. He couldn't believe he had been defeated so easily. "No way... So this bump is from that strike?"
Waver nodded.
Although Alexander was curious about why Tom, who used a sword, had knocked him out with a club, he decided not to dwell on it. What bothered him most was how he had been defeated so suddenly.
It wasn't that he couldn't accept losing, but being taken out so abruptly, without even remembering how it happened, was hard for anyone to swallow.
In the end, since he couldn't recall how he had been knocked out, Alexander turned his attention back to Hephaestion, the Servant he had been about to fight earlier. They had been on the verge of battle when Minamoto and Tom had interrupted.
Now that Alexander had woken up, not only were Minamoto and Tom gone, but Hephaestion had also disappeared.
So he casually asked, "By the way, what happened to that Servant who was dressed like me?"
"Oh, her? She was also defeated by that cat."
"Really? That's a shame. I wanted to fight every Servant at least once." Hearing that Hephaestion had been defeated, Alexander couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.
Being able to fight heroes from different eras was a once-in-a-millennium opportunity.
When he had first been summoned and learned that there would be seven Servants in the Holy Grail War, he had been thrilled. He had planned to fight every single one of them. But now, it seemed that chance was gone.
"Actually, that Servant is still alive. After that cat beat both of you, it just left with the guy it came with." Waver pointed in the direction Minamoto and Tom had gone.
Hearing this, a bunch of question marks appeared above Alexander's head. "Huh? Then what was it even trying to do?!"
If it had come to mediate, it had inexplicably interrupted his fight with Hephaestion and then proceeded to beat both of them up.
If it had come to defeat Servants, after beating both him and Hephaestion, it had just left without a second thought.
Suddenly, Alexander's eyes widened as if he had realized something. He gulped and muttered to himself, "Could it be... that it wants to conquer all the Servants and dominate the Holy Grail War without shedding blood?!"
Once this thought entered his mind, Alexander couldn't shake it off.
A conqueror! This must be a great conqueror in human history!
Alexander had always wanted to become such a conqueror. Realizing that Tom might be one, he felt a surge of excitement.
"...That's the situation."
"..." Listening to Kirei's real-time report relayed from Assassin, Tokiomi, sitting in his study, fell silent. He even felt his mind gradually descending into chaos.
If it weren't for his own Servant, Saber, being by his side, Tokiomi would certainly not have the composure to maintain his usual elegance at this moment.
After a long while, Tokiomi finally processed the information, his emotions extremely complicated. "You're saying... that cat lifted a man into a spiral ascent, then dropped him at supersonic speed, creating a crater in the shape of a cat holding a man? And then that cat used a random wooden stick to knock down a Servant?"
"Yes."
"And then that cat outran another Servant's chariot using only its front paws, even floating in mid-air, turning back to stick its tongue out at the Servant in mockery? After that, it dug its own grave, got hit on purpose, fell into the grave, and the dirt conveniently covered it up, with a wooden tombstone automatically appearing on top?"
"Correct..."
"Finally, the cat suddenly resurrected, combined a branch and a rope, threw it, and directly took down that Servant's chariot?"
"Exactly."
Hearing Kirei's extremely confident response, Tokiomi took a sip of red wine, looking at the ripples in the glass. The ripples mirrored the complexity in his heart, summarized in one word—absurd.
From the day he was born until he participated in the Holy Grail War, he had never heard so many absurd things at once.
If these words hadn't come from his highly trusted disciple, Kirei, he might have simply laughed it off. But... the problem was, all of this was relayed by Kirei. Given that, Kirei certainly wouldn't lie to him, so the issue must lie with Kirei's Servant.
After a moment of silence, Tokiomi asked, "Has your Assassin been drinking too much?"