Tried to Kill Myself, Ended Up In the Last Place I Expected

Davina woke up feeling very weak and groggy. She was laying in a hospital bed and the entire room was shrouded in darkness. As her eyes adjusted, she realized that her mouth was full. There was some kind of tube keeping her jaws open. A hose had been placed inside her throat, releasing air into her lungs. The assisted breathing made her sound like Darth Vader. She could also hear a slight hum almost like a fridge, coming from her left side. 

She felt very uncomfortable. The tube in her mouth was pushed far into her throat. She blinked and tried to swallow but couldn't. Her body felt very heavy. And small. She knew she had been on sedatives and possibly pain numbing medication. 

But both her arms and legs were moving, albeit slowly and clumsily, but not in a way that indicated they were broken. This did not make sense to Davina as she recalled feeling her knee shatter the moment she hit the water. Her elbow too, hadn't been so lucky as she'd twisted her arm and felt a sharp pain there upon submerging.

Why wasn't she in a cast? Casts?

She felt herself, as well as she was able to, and noticed that her limbs were functional and free. Though very thin. Her body felt foreign under her fingertips.

Must be the anesthesia, she concluded. The dark room gave way to strange structures and shapes. One that had her wondering if she was in a private hospital. The room also appeared quite big.

But why would she be in a private hospital? She wasn't famous or rich.

She turned her head to the side and saw the ventilator machine as well as the computer monitor thingy with the numbers and squiggly lines. The ones that kept track of her vitals.

So she was definitely in a hospital of sorts. The air was stuffy. She wanted to open a window. She tried to lift herself but gave up when a dizzy spell enveloped her mind. Falling back, tears began to flow from her eyes.

So, she had failed. She had tried to end her life and she had been saved and brought to a hospital. Her devastation and fear overwhelmed her.

She would leave this strange hospital and go back to her miserable life? That was what God granted her. She had just wanted to escape. She did not want to return to this. To any of it.

Why hadn't she died? She wasn't important. Why hadn't she been able to die? Who were the ones who'd saved her? Did they think she fell?

Even if she had, they'd still be legally obligated to rescue her. And nobody knew she'd wanted to kill herself.

But the entire place was dark and deserted. I went there so I wouldn't accidentally traumatize someone. There shouldn't have been anyone there to see me and call for help. Dammit! I picked that spot for that reason! This is so unfair! I was so close!

Davina remembered the feeling of water filling her lungs. It had burned like crazy. But she had embraced the pain knowing where it would lead. 

If only...if only she had only been spotted much later then all they would have saved was a corpse.

She recalled the face of a paramedic looking down at her. She remembered the voices of officers and everybody else who'd been involved in retrieving her.

I was given CPR. Davina recalled the hot mouth and heavy pushes against her chest which had her briefly awakening and coughing before she gave in to the darkness a second time.

The paramedic had been a woman. Davina viciously cursed at the woman who'd breathed life back into her. She cursed the officers. She cursed the doctor. She cursed the person who'd dialed 911.

But most importantly, she cursed her own horrible luck. Her life had been so unlucky and even in trying for death she had to get unlucky again.

Her body began to convulse as the force of her grief sent her heart rate spiking. She was choking on the breathing tube as she bit down on it repeatedly while crying and trying to spit it out.

Get this thing out of my mouth! I do not want to live! How dare they connect me to this thing that keeps me trapped in this hell!?

She began to thrash about and scream like a madwoman.

Why did her voice sound so different? She tried to pull at her hair and realized that it wasn't there. Her hair was cut short and fashioned for a man. The texture of it felt off as well.

The foreign feel of her body combined with her emotional meltdown only increased the strain on her delicate health. She clutched her chest and gasped in pain.

This did not make sense. This was not the pain that came with her injuries. She had broken her bones! She knew she had! Why didn't her body reflect it?

Or have I suffered from some kind of head injury and now I'm hallucinating? Is this how bad my luck is? Do the doctors know? Am I in some exclusive psychiatric unit intended for the insane?!

Am I hallucinating this room as well?!

She was now wailing so hard around the tube that she felt like her throat would rip open.

Suddenly, the door burst to her left burst open and the lights were switched on.

"Rafe! Quick, get the doctor!"

The brightness blinded Davina, whose craziness was briefly suspended as she raised her arms to shield herself. Panting hard, she felt pinpricks of pain move from her chest to her neck.

A male voice called out, rushing towards her. "Rafe! What's wrong?!"

Rafe? She lowered her hands from her face and looked at the man who had approached her bedside. It took a minute for her mind to process him.

She had never seen this man before.

Who was he? And who was Rafe?

"Hey, calm down!"

Is this real now? Please tell me I've not conjured this stranger up in my mind! I'm not crazy! I may have tried to kill myself, but I am not crazy! Nor am I schizophrenic! There is no way I'm hallucinating! I have to control my mind! I need to control my mind! I've stopped having panic attacks for 6 years now! I'm off the meds! No way am I falling back into that now! My luck can't be that bad!