LGHTNOVELBOOK Chapter 56
056.
-I am Build, the second son of the Jessnay family. Ah, you may have heard of the Jessnay family…
-I believe you’ve heard of the prestige of Count Pchelrande. While it might sound immodest, my father, Count Pchelrande, is…
-By the way, could I possibly meet His Highness Duke Dranunus? Since we’ll be getting along closely from now on, I should at least…
-…
Lonely.
The loving gazes of my parents who used to look upon me with adoration.
My older brother, Zitram, whose title as a prince might not quite fit, but who was undoubtedly the best among siblings.
Even my grandfather, the world-renowned Grand Magician.
I was a noble scion from a family people could only envy.
I wasn’t foolish enough to take those things for granted.
For the sake of my older brother Zitram and my grandfather who walked ahead of me, I worked hard.
The people and knights within our territory sang praises about my name.
The world seemed full of rosy hues.
And so, I thought I would live eating nothing but love.
Only until Grandfather covered my eyes did I see the sight of my parents sobbing while clutching Zitram’s corpse.
From that day on, everything changed.
Those who used to call my name with delight disappeared from my side.
The rosy world gradually lost its colors.
In shock from my brother’s death, both my father and mother met unfortunate ends.
And Grandfather took me away from the family.
As Grandfather explained the small cottage with a weak smile, tears formed in his eyes—something that seemed so out of place for the Grand Magician Blamia.
Perhaps it wasn’t so hard.
Or rather, I thought I had to think it wasn’t hard.
Losing my parents and older brother was certainly heart-wrenching.
Even the thought of my father’s vacant seat, which should have naturally been taken over by my older brother, weighed heavily on my heart.
But I couldn’t show it.
Because seeing such a distressed expression on the only family member still by my side—my grandfather—was torment.
So I forced a smile.
I acted coy while warding off magic.
In truth, it was exhausting.
My talent was meager when compared to my brother.
I once tried hard to become like him, but…
I couldn’t stake my life on a hopeless endeavor.
Helplessness.
An overwhelming sense of helplessness engulfed me.
Because Blamia turned Zitram into that, it was because of magic, wasn’t it?
Isn’t it absurd that a grandfather would push his own grandson to such an extreme?
The world would surely say so.
Thus, I couldn’t help but tremble with helplessness.
Yet, I couldn’t abandon learning magic since I didn’t want to see my grandfather’s sad face. To him, magic was his entire life.
So I concocted an excuse.
I told him I needed friends.
That I couldn’t handle the loneliness eating away at my heart anymore.
I begged to immerse myself in pure innocence, to be shielded from reality.
Grandfather will never know the real reason I wanted friends—not even on his deathbed.
Sinat buried herself in that innocence,
smiling gently as she yearned for the pretense of friendship.
I had harbored a little hope.
What if I really met someone who could understand me?
Wouldn’t that help bury this loneliness and let me start anew?
But all that returned was the nauseating veil of hypocrisy and pretense.
Be it lower-rank nobles who stumbled upon fortune,
or higher-rank nobles basking in their own pride,
all were the same: hypocrites.
They boasted about their families and estates with the same pretense.
It felt like they were mocking me, laughing at how my family cried blood as we lost the house of Drannus.
Garbage approached cautiously, or boldly, seeking connections through Grandfather.
To them, I was nothing but a tool to gain access to Grandfather, leaving me sick to my stomach.
I hated it.
I hated everything.
I wept endlessly, yearning for the purity of times long gone.
Every time this happened, all that remained was me—wretched and pathetic.
I could no longer laugh while reminiscing about the past.
What filled that void were only tears streaming down my face and the sight of my pitiful self.
And then, I met him.
The street orphan that Grandfather brought home under the guise of friendship.
I no longer entertained any expectations.
Living alone with Grandfather and the small cottage,
I only wished for him not to leave.
-… It’s fine.
He was an unusual boy.
An orphan, yet strikingly handsome.
There wasn’t a single thing about him that didn’t appeal, and it was funny that someone introduced as a “friend” was addressing me formally.
Perhaps my curiosity began there.
*
I liked Kalen.
He was like an unexpected, delightful gift.
All the stories about prestigious families, about Grandfather’s achievements—they didn’t matter to him.
Kalen was solely focused on me.
He listened carefully to whatever I said, thought deeply about it.
Even if his conclusions were sometimes strange, the fact that he centered his attention on me was wonderful.
It felt like returning to the times when my parents, my older brother, and my grandfather all cherished me.
So I became curious.
I wanted to learn more about Kalen,
I wanted to make more memories with him.
If that’s called compensatory psychology, it’s fine.
With him, I felt like I could recall the pure joy of the past.
I wanted to build a future with Kalen, a future that I could no longer return to.
And so the heart of the young maiden began to grow uncontrollably.
This affection intertwined with her inner emotions, creating something indescribable.
The moment I acknowledged and accepted those feelings,
was when Kalen threw himself at me without hesitation.
He risked his life for me, without caring for his own safety.
It was something I hated fiercely.
I didn’t ever want to be left alone again.
It was then that I finally understood.
The emotions that had been bottled up in my mind had become overwhelming.
As Kalen’s body grew cold,
I finally understood the feelings I had pushed away and acknowledged Kalen’s importance.
After Kalen’s recovery…
Honestly, there was nothing I could do.
Being near him made my heart race uncontrollably.
Seeing the scars on his body filled me with self-reproach.
I couldn’t imagine a life without him anymore.
If he left, it felt like I would be thrown back into a place I could never escape.
Kalen was the person who allowed me to be myself.
He was the one connecting me to a future I could no longer dream of.
To me, Kalen was that person.
But,
He keeps trying to distance himself.
There’s no future, he says.
That the past is something we can no longer dream about.
Lakatus suddenly proposed something out of the blue.
Though it was because of the many connections forged with Grandfather,
the result was the same.
Lakatus took Kalen away from me.
I feel uneasy.
The situation without him feels exactly like when my family left me.
Tick, tick.
Before I knew it, a stinging pain crept into my fingertips.
It only became clearer.
How much I love Kalen.
How impossible it is to imagine a life without him by my side.
When Kalen returned from finishing his task, I felt relieved.
But hearing Blamia’s words made my heart shatter.
Kalen, who had once again jumped in without thought for himself.
That’s why—
I attached a monitoring spirit mana to him.
Some time later, he left again because of Hiart’s situation.
Just at that moment.
*click*
Something inside me snapped.
No.
No.
No.
No. No. No.
Kalen is leaving again.
Knowing his track record of always bringing trouble with him, I feared he wouldn’t take care of himself.
Why can’t we just live peacefully together?
Being the head of the Dranunus family is fine as long as Kalen is here.
My desire to continue the Dranunus line stems only from my wish to return to those happy days.
Through Kalen, I imagined continuing the path I had once lost.
If Kalen is here, it doesn’t matter whether I become the head of the Dranunus family or not.
But, ignoring that desire,
Kalen left.
And again, it’s about those noble young ladies.
Every noble young lady I’ve met
has taken Kalen away from me.
Then, let’s do it.
If the reason Kalen is leaving is because of some noble young lady,
I will become one too.
I will take on my rightful place as the official head of the Dranunus family.
I will shine as a noble young lady, brighter than any of them.
Does Kalen know?
That the reason I so willingly handed over the responsibility of Hiart’s case
was because I had made this resolve?
The attachment to the Dranunus family that Kalen’s presence had allowed me to bury re-emerged in an unexpected way.
I began to practice the magic that had once taken away my brother.
So that as a young lady of the Dranunus family, I would never lose Kalen again.
However, not everything went as planned.
Was it because I pushed too hard?
Before I knew it, the monster we faced together had captured my soul.
In a place of unknown darkness, chained down and watched over by this creature,
my mind was almost broken.
But then, the image of a young man kept coming into my mind.
I trusted that Kalen would come rescue me again, just like that time.
And that boy fulfilled my expectations.
Then, how could I not love him?
Even if I fall into some unknown space,
even if unbearable pain and trials come my way,
his black eyes—eyes that always look at me—never change.
Leaning on anything else apart from that eternal gaze would be, at least for me, impossible.
Willingly, I entrust myself to that deep, eternal darkness,
and dream of an impossible future,
just like we dreamed on that sunset hillside,
with no particular reason,
just looking at each other.
That smile of Kalen’s in the sunset, unforgettable from the hilltop,
Sinat matched it with a genuinely brighter one.
And so, we’ve reached the present.
Even though I wished for his rescue, I never desired this.
The hand piercing Kalen’s body feels strangely like the monster’s claws that pierced through his heart that day.
Sinat felt her breath caught.
“I wish you would smile like you did in the past.”
“…”
[AH—AH—AH!!!]
I smiled.
I smiled so brightly.
But that smile was merely an afterimage painted by my heart.
How could I smile when Kalen has fallen?
The moment the chains and the creature disappeared,
all I could feel in my arms holding Kalen was
the endless chill of my own flowing tears.