LGHTNOVELBOOK Chapter 421: Coming to Terms with Fate
Chapter 421: Coming to Terms with Fate
Mid Afternoon - Mid Winter : Eikasía | Eastern Bahamut
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- Krystallo Ragnarok ~
"Haah..." *Thump* Sitting down with a heavy sigh, my anxiety-dulled gaze floated around between those in the training arena before promptly falling to the ground and darkening. -I improved.. right..?-
Endlessly replaying the fight in my mind, I dedicated every speck of thought to reviewing every action, motion, and spell I used in order to find things I did wrong—just as I had after every fight since I visited the Elafos Knight Training Camp a few days prior.
But unlike my previous battles, every time I failed to find a mistake, the image of my brother’s disappointed gaze would fill my mind, and my thoughts would tear themselves apart.
Before that day, it was a sight that only existed in my nightmares—a look of displeasure so deep it was sickening. Yet, up until that point, I used it as a source of motivation, confident that if I simply did my best, I would never see it.
But then it happened.
After winning what I believed to be a flawless victory, I looked up in the stands to find his gaze locked on me, holding back a vast abyss of disappointment.. and the sun vanished from my sky.
In a single instant, my childish anger aimed at him was eclipsed by the gut-wrenching feeling of failure, and my mind kicked itself for even letting me get upset at something so stupid.-But it’s too late to regret it now...-
Looking up at the sun, looming high over the training arena, centered between its high walls, I felt just like a frog in a well, staring up at a portion of the sky believing that was all there was.
But just as my expression softened, everything around me suddenly went dark, my eyes shot open, and a tingling sensation traced my spine.
It was fear, but not for my life.
"Krystallo."
Hearing Brother’s voice come from the darkness, I tensed up, wanting to run and hide—only to find that I couldn’t move.
"Do you know the mountain you are trying to climb?"
Lowering my gaze to the ground in a hurry, terrified of seeing his eyes in the darkness, a shiver filled my body. "I-I do..."
Feeling his presence wrap around me, his serious tone gained a chill. "Are you sure?"
My trembling paws instantly scrunched together. "N..No..."
"Then why are you trying to climb it?"
*Vwoom* In an instant, a cool sensation settled over my body, causing my shivering to slow. "I-I... I want to see the real world..." Pausing as the sensation slowly pierced my scales deeper and deeper, my wings slowly relaxed. "I don't want to see a painting of the sky.. or a drawing of the horizon... I want to see them with my own eyes..."
"So why climb a mountain you can't see the peak of?"
"Because..." Falling silent as my shiver finally disappeared, my thoughts steadied. "Because the higher I climb, the more of the world I can see..."
"So even if the mountain is the most dangerous one you could climb, you believe the view from its side to be worth the danger?"
Feeling the air warm, my mind rapidly thawed, and I found my snout once again aiming up into the dark abyss, as if looking him in the eyes. "Yes!"
But rather than recieving a warm response, his voice was so cold it froze me solid. "It's not."
In an instant, my gaze darted to the ground, my tail curled under my paws, and my wings clenched to my sides.
"The view isn't what you believe it is. It's not beautiful. Climbing above the trees, you'll see lies, deceit, and corruption on a scale more vast than the sea, and if you climb above the clouds, you'll see horrors the likes of which you cannot fathom."
Hearing him—knowing his words came from experience—my chest tightened. "But aren't there beautiful things with it? Aren't there some stars in the void..?"
Silence instantly fell between us...
"Even if you are enlightened to powers you could never understand.. isn't it worth it to view the stars?"
Feeling his presence stop moving, it seemed as if his gaze softened. "The abyss isn't something anyone can stare into and remain the same after feeling it stare back.. let alone continue looking deeper..."
Slowly mustering the courage to speak, a mix of confidence and pride found its way into my voice. "But you did it, didn't you..?"
"Hah..." But he simply scoffed. "It's not that simple Krystallo..." Feeling his gaze lower from me, his voice softened to a mumble. "I.. had no choice but to look deeper..."
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Feeling like I heard something I wasn't supposed to, I immediately tensed up.. but at the same time, it made me want to probe deeper. "What.. do you mean by that..?"
Silence instantly wrapped around us once more before I imagined him sitting before me, matching my gaze as I stared up into the cold.. empty darkness. "Krystallo.. I..." Pausing, he grimaced as if unsure what to say. "I am not exactly who you think I am..."
Almost immediately, I felt my chest clench, and eyes widen. -W..What..?- It was a string of words that, in an instant, made all conscious thought cease.
A landmine the likes of which I couldn't fathom.
"I really wanted to wait until you were older to explain any of this.. but perhaps now is the time..." *Vwoom* Creating a ball of light above me, the huge, empty, void-like space I was in seemed to grow before illuminating a towering figure sitting in front of me.
It was Brother, but.. something about him felt a little different.. a little off...
"Krystallo, as you are familiar with, I am Vasilias Ragnarok, your brother..." Closing his eyes, he gently leaned down until his forehead pressed against mine. "Before I say anything else, I want you to know that this will not ever change... No matter how long I live, I will always be your brother, I will always care for you, and I will never abandon you to chase my past..."
My chest instantly started burning. -His.. past..?-
"I have the memories of my past lives, Krystallo—the life of a human scientist in a different world, and the life of a fenrir, forced to escape to the stars after losing his family and his world because he was too weak..." Pausing as he pulled his head away, his glowing purple eyes settled on the ground in front of me. "The reason I've always acted 'older' is because I am... I have memories from my lives in different worlds, tens of thousands of years worth... When I stared into the void for the first time.. I didn't have a choice but to stare back, lest I wanted my brother to die alone on a cold, desolate rock hurtling through space..."
Unable to think as the information was laid upon me, I froze.. completely...
"You don't have to bear that burden.. you don't have to stare into the abyss.. you don't have to climb this mountain... And honestly.. I don't want you to..." Hearing a tremor of fear and worry ripple through his voice, a chill passed down my spine. "When you see the horrors I have, you begin to strive for nonsensical strength. You want to be able to protect those you love from those 'things'.. but that path isn't easy.. it's painful, hard, and scary... At any moment, a disaster could strike, and I would be unable to do anything to protect you, Mom, or Dad..."
He hung his head in front of me as he spoke, unable to look me in the eyes.. as if he were afraid to...
"The reason I run off so often is because I'm on that path.. I was forced onto it the moment I climbed above the clouds, and after having seen it, knowing there is so much more I don't know... I can say for certain the view of the stars isn't worth it... Just as it brings fascination, it brings fear, dread, and hopelessness." Finally lifting his head, his gaze, filled with worry, finally landed on me. "So I'm sorry... As much as I wish to follow your desires.. I cannot."
Watching his gaze sharpen, my mind froze.
"If you really wish to continue forward, I can bring you above the trees, but I will never guide you through the clouds... If that is the direction you want to take.. those are steps you must find or carve yourself.. and as much as it pains me.. if you slip and fall.. even I won't be able to save you..." Pain wove into his voice the longer he spoke, causing my chest to ache and mind to race in order find something—anything—to say.
But I couldn't. No matter how deeply I searched, I couldn't find the words.
The silence between us felt suffocating. Even the surrounding darkness—stretching onto infinity in every direction—seemed to press in on me, as if it were weighing on my scales. I wanted to shout, argue, or demand more answers... but all that came out was a quiet rasp caught in my throat.
Brother was the first to move, gently lowering his snout to the ground once more before murmuring. "I'm sorry if all this is.. overwhelming..." His voice was more gentle than I had ever heard, carrying a pain he couldn't quite mask. "Perhaps it was still too early to say anything."
Feeling my heart clench, I tightened my paws, feeling the crush of sand beneath them, before finally, I managed to find a word... "No..." Wanting to scoff, a somewhat forced smile came to my face. "I get it now—why Mom always seemed restless until recently.. and why you seem to act closer to Hera's age than mine or even Moms..." Leaning back, I turned my snout up to the ceiling, looking into the endless, all-encapusaling abyss around us. "But.. I don't think it changes anything."
Almost immediately, the restless rustle of Brother's tail stopped.
"You are still my brother.. the same weirdo that gave Mom so much trouble as a child.. and the same softie that would let me nuzzle to fall asleep... But beyond that.. I don't think this changes what I want." Solidifying my stance, I lowered my gaze again, only to match his. "This is the mountain I want to climb.. I know it's ignorant to think I could share your burden, but I want to try... I don't want to feel like someone watching from the sidelines, I want to feel like your sister. Rather than a burden, I want to feel like I'm supporting you.. even if that ends up being a selfish overstatement..."
"Even if taking that path puts you in danger?"
Looking him in the eyes, my gaze steadied. "I don't want to live a normal life. Even if it comes with risks.. I want to be strong, not to just win some stupid tournament, but to help you... No matter how I have to do it."
The air instantly grew heavy. For a moment, neither of us spoke, simply staring into the eyes of the other as if looking at each others thoughts.
Until finally, Brother lifted his head. "Then I will give you a chance... If your next fight goes well, I will help you see above the trees, and part the clouds to show you a hint of what is beyond, and you can decide whether it is still the mountain you wish to climb." Pausing, his gaze sharpened. "Just don't let your own arrogance cloud your decision-making again, okay?"
Feeling the pressure on my shoulders grow in magnitudes, I forced down a gulp, but remained standing firmly. "O-Okay!"
I finally had a chance.. a chance to look beyond the veil.
All I needed to do was show him I was capable of handling whatever it was that I would see, and while I didn't know how I would do that, I was certain it was possible. -He wouldn't drop it on me if he knew I couldn't meet his expectations.-
So, in that instant, my motivations and desires erupted into a blaze, one that would either lead to the future I desired.. or burn me to ash alongside it.
But either way, I was going to enjoy the warmth while it lasted...
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