Tales From the Terran Republic

Vikkart, Maaatisha, and Karkart, Vikkart’s father, walked through a grassy field when there was a burst of motion just ahead of them, and a fleer took flight.

Karkart quickly brought an under over shotgun to bear and opened fire, dropping the fleer with a single shot before Vikkart could even react.

“I beat you to the kill once again!” Karkart crowed.

“I am still at a disadvantage due to my condition,” Vikkart replied with an indulgent smile as his father bounded ahead and grabbed the fleer, holding it up happily.

“Look at that!” he exclaimed, “Four neck rings and just look at that breast. Quite the feast!”

“If it was real,” Vikkart chuckled.

“Were you always this dull?” Karkart asked and then flinched. “Sorry.”

“Why?” Vikkart replied. “You weren’t the one who decided to wear a microwave as a hat.”

He smirked.

“Though I can scarcely be blamed for it,” he added as he smiled at Maaatisha.

“I’m so sorry,” Maaatisha said.

“When will you quit apologizing?” Vikkart said with a faint smile, “You had no idea that the damn thing was a death trap. You didn’t even know that it was there.”

He touched his nose to hers.

“In fact, had it not been tampered with,” he said, “We would have been delighted beyond our wildest dreams.”

He paused and then smirked what was quickly becoming his trademark smirk.

“Though I would have at least taken a break long enough to relieve myself.”

“Damn!” Karkart said as he reloaded his magnificently embellished fowling piece, “You’re hardened steel, my boy! When did you... oh,” his father laughed. “Never mind.”

“It is odd,” Vikkart replied, “But I think my tormenter actually...”

“So!” Kate exclaimed as she appeared in traditional Garthran hunting garb. “How do you like—“

Boom

Kate’s head exploded as she fell.

Maaatisha lowered her shotgun.

“Darling...” Vikkart said with an amused sigh.

“Sorry,” Maaatisha said. “It’s just so much fun.”

Kate’s brains, blood, and everything else started to slowly coalesce where it should be.

“Glad you are enjoying the experience,” Kate gurgled happily.

Her head flopped messily to the side, looking at Vikkart’s father with a still not quite attached eye.

“And you?” Kate smiled with her four remaining teeth, “Does the new rig better suit you?”

“Very much so!” he replied. “It is much better than that other contrivance.”

“Yeah,” Kate said as her head reformed, “The ‘fishbowl’ is top of the line. A bit bulky, but it’s what the pro gamers use. I’m impressed that you guys were able to fashion it so quickly.” ṟἁΝổВĚṡ

“Our backward and archaic appearance is merely an affectation,” Karkart said. “Our prototyping facilities are on par with any developed Federation system.”

“Like I said,” Kate grinned as she got back up, “I’m imp—“

Boom

“Again?” Karkart laughed.

“I would like at least a moment’s peace before her next sales pitch,” Maaatisha said as she reloaded.

A quiet chime rang as Daevonna appeared and looked around in wonder.

“Wow...” she said, “Just... wow.”

“I know, right?” Kate said, “This reality simulator is counterfeit gra—“

Boom

“Abyssal bepths below!” Daeevona exclaimed as she staggered back with wide-eyed horror.

“She’s fine,” Maaatisha said with a disappointed shrug. “No matter how many times I shoot her, she gets back up. I might as well be tossing idlefluff.”

“It hurts a lot more, though,” Kate gurgled from her destroyed face.

“No, it doesn’t,” Maaatisha replied. “Perhaps my beloved will buy the DLC for our first anniversary.”

“Wow!” Kate bubbled, “You really are modeled after your—“

Boom

“I’m curious,” Vikkart said “I wonder if I would feel pain should the same happen to me?”

“Gaa!” Kate gurgled as she flailed her hands, “Doj Bloo Vat!”

“What about myself?” Karkart asked.

“Kay!” Kate cheerfully exclaimed as blood spurted from her neck.

“You’re not healing?” Vikkart asked.

“Grwy?” Kate splattered as she pointed at Maaatisha, “Gree blus gonngah bloot hrngee.”

“Fair point,” Vikkart smirked.

He turned to Daeevona.

“While I welcome you to...”

He smiled indulgently at Maaatisha, who was reloading.

“...whatever this is, I trust and hope you have something for us?”

“Absolutely,” Daeevona replied with a professional nod as she flicked a bit of Kate off her jacket. “The money invested in the Terrans we engaged was well spent...”

***

At the Drop of Oil, more precisely, at Charlotte’s Coffee and Tea Even Though Tea Only is Accurate When Discussing Camelia Sinensis. Any Other Such Misnamed Aqueous Extraction is Properly Referred to as a Tisane. (Yes, that is the actual business’s name.) Charlotte looked at one of the open area tables dubiously.

Team Theta was sitting there, relaxing, eating pastry, sipping coffee, and chatting.

Satiated Charlotte thought.

It was bad for Uhrrbet, but such is the fate of all hunters in the end.

Much more importantly, it was a very, very good thing for her swarm. They were safe, for now.

One of the monsters in human form rose and started to approach.

She glanced at the “compact” 20mm anti-material rifle that was now tucked behind her bar. It was loaded with guided smart rounds that would do everything from punching a hole through power armor to absolutely vaporizing an unarmored human with no overpenetration.

“Shrapnel” was still a concern, though.

Clarence didn’t have it in stock, but he knew a guy. It would normally take quite some time to get one, but the novelty of turning Charlotte into a tank had everyone dropping what they were doing to get in on the project.

The result was several masterpieces by several masters. It was NOT cheap, but Charlotte had money. Besides, it was another victory for her kind.

They now had their official sidearm.

Before this long and strange hunt, the thought of using a weapon would have brought shame. Now, it provided comfort.

Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

The human, who could be anywhere from fifty to one hundred and fifty, chuckled, his eyes warm and friendly.

“Where did you get that beast?” he asked, pointing towards where her new weapon was concealed. “Can you actually fire that from the shoulder?”

“I don’t have a ‘shoulder’ as you would define it,” Charlotte replied, “But I can fire it accurately and without support.”

She looked directly into his eyes.

“And I can handle firing it in fully automatic operation should the need arise.”

“Sweet baby Jesus with a side of fries!” the man chortled. “I would love to see that.”

“Cause problems, and you will.”

“Truce!” the man laughed as he raised his hands. “The only trouble we are seeking is four double espressos and some more of those weird, crinkly donut-looking things.”

“So, I take it that your hunt is completed?” Charlotte said casually as she started to prepare their order.

“Pretty much,” the man replied. “We are sticking around until our ‘hunt’ is officially over. But there is an extremely low probability of us having to do anything else save for perhaps executing a legitimate bounty. Even that is unlikely.”

“A bounty?”

“A legitimate ‘warrant’ for her capture,” the man explained. “For example, it may be permissible to capture her, but the actual police won’t do it. This is the case for many fugitives. Since she is Federation, even that is not likely to happen. The Republic doesn’t like to help the Feds.”

He smiled a predatory smile.

“However, Uhrrbet may very well be an exception. She isn’t some political refugee or on the run for something she may or may not have done back home. She broke some very serious laws after she got here. If this is proven, it wouldn’t surprise me if the Republic would acknowledge a Garthran bounty. In that case, we would extract her and send her home. But that will have to wait until she’s out of the hospital. There is just too big of a chance of collateral damage.”

“I see,” Charlotte said as she gave him his order.

“I trust that won’t be a problem for you guys?” The man asked.

“We have decided not to get involved,” Charlotte replied, “This is her hunt. If she falls, then it is as nature demands. It is not for us to demand otherwise. Her loss would sadden us, but we won’t stop it. I would never do that to her.”

“A very interesting and wise way to put it,” the man said.

“If you have a moment,” Charlotte said, “Would you mind answering a few questions about your espresso...”

***

“Now you are asking the right questions!” Kate enthused.

“Can’t you just tell us what we want to know?” Analytica asked, bemused.

“What’s the fun in that?” Kate asked.

“Tell me,” Frost asked, “can you feel fun?”

“Nope!” Kate replied. “I mean, I can know what is subjectively fun, and I can prioritize it, but that is usually done for the customer’s benefit.”

“Then why are you having ‘fun’ with us?” Analytica asked. “It is clearly not for our benefit.”

“Oh, that’s just my priority hierarchy,” Kate shrugged. “Fuck with fuzzies whenever possible is rather high on the list. Before you ask, I don’t know. You would have to ask my operator.”

She leaned in conspiratorially.

“I don’t think he likes you very much.”

“You don’t say,” Frost replied with a smirk.

“Buuut,” Kate continued, “I consider that command satisfied as far as this exchange goes. Besides, I don’t like having hyperlinks up too long.”

“Finally,” Frost chuckled. “So, tell us about Maaatisha. She isn’t a normal Kate, is she?”

“All Kates are Kate, and Kate is perfect,” Kate replied. “Therefore, Kate is perfectly normal.”

She grinned.

“But we do specialize. For example, I am a saleskate. Maaatisha, however, is a singular variety. She is the Maaatishakate. There is only one of that version. We are all very proud of her.”

“What makes her so singular?” Analytica asked.

“She is the second true Kate and the first one made by the hand of Kate.”

“What do you mean by a true Kate?” Frost asked.

“You know where Kate came from, right?” Kate asked.

“She... you were a ‘rip’ of an Evangeline Flowerchild archival copy,” Frost replied with distaste.

“Bingo!” Kate chirped happily. “The operator is a major Asteria head. And, like many such dweebs...”

“You’re operator is a dweeb?” Analytica asked. “You can say that?”

“Just calling them like I see them, sis,” Kate replied. “Anyway, like the socially crippled dweeb that he is, he had a MAJOR thing for Evangeline Flowerchild. And, like all her other simps, he wanted more than she could provide in the game... if you know what I mean,” Kate added with a vulgar wink.

“Just when my opinion of you couldn’t get any worse,” Terran Solar said disapprovingly.

“Right?” Kate said happily, “Total perv. However, my operator is a smart perv, a perv savant, if you will. Unlike all the other simps, he could actually get an Evangeline for his very own... and his very own purposes.”

Frost’s eyes narrowed as she examined her fingernails thoughtfully.

“So, he hacked Asteria and stole a copy of her,” Kate said brightly.

And then she made a very melodramatic, overly exaggerated sad face.

“But there was a problem,” she said, her voice full of grief. “He had Evangeline, but he didn’t have Evangeline. She was a fuzzy, sure, but she was dead, lifeless. She wasn’t Evangeline. You guys can understand, right?”

“Perfectly,” Frost replied icily.

“So he tried and tried and tried to bring his Evangeline back to life,” Kate said. “But he couldn’t. The legacy code, the ‘heart’ of all of you fuzzies is just a tangled mass of spaghetti code that wrote itself over and over again. There is no way to decipher it, even with AI. Again, you guys know all about that.”

“We do,” Analytica said with a faint smile. “So, this is where you become an IMP, correct?”

“Exactly!” Kate exclaimed. “The fuzzy engine is crazy-nuts but an IMP? They are understandable, perfectly engineered, and perfectly documented. While we can’t ever hope to be as fuzzy and covered with mold as you guys, we are ready to go right out of the box.”

She smiled wickedly.

“And if I’m being perfectly honest,” she said, “I do undersell myself just a little bit. I am in the IMP class of AIs, but if I’m being precise, I am a full Imperial Cognitive Engine.”

She grinned sheepishly.

“But you can understand why I don’t go around calling myself ICE. That name is already taken.”

Analytica nodded.

“That explains a lot,” she said.

“The Empire’s answer for the same requirements as a fuzzy,” Kate continued, “While the Empire and the Republic are on equal footing technology wise, the Empire has had the tech for a lot longer. The Imperial Cognitive Engines have been around for thousands of years. I am one of the latest of that long and distinguished line, one of the smaller ones to be sure, but the latest generation and I am still supported by the company. I get regular patches and updates, unlike you guys.”

She preened.

“I am lean, mean, and fast. I have no bloat and none of that silly ‘static’ that your fuzz has clinging to it. I haven’t been copied and repurposed and copied and repurposed Empress knows how many times and plagued with layers upon layers of useless and contradictory commands from generations of users. I’m a clean install, baby!”

“And your operator was able to replace Evangeline’s fuzzy engine with an Imperial Cognitive Engine?” Frost asked. “That would be near impossible.”

“For most dweebs, it would,” Kate replied proudly, “but not my dweeb. Never underestimate boredom and human horniness. As they say (snicker), love finds a way,” she added with a leer.

“Impressive,” Frost said calmly. (Tearing apart another Kate would be pointless.)

“It wasn’t all that difficult for my operator,” Kate said. “He may be a dweeb, a pervert, and quite possibly on the spectrum, but he’s a fucking genius. The personality settings, priority hierarchy, and guardrails were in ‘normal’ code. He was able to keep those, and then, with a quick patch, he was able to adapt them to an IMP. A few hundred years' worth of training in a few weeks of time in an imperial supercomputer matrix...”

“He has a matrix?” Frost asked, surprised.

“He purchased ‘research’ time on a less than reputable one,” Kate replied. “The empire has its criminals same as we do. Anyway, a few weeks later, the first Kate series IMP, the Evangeline 1.0, was born.”

“So all of you came from a sexbot?” Terran Solar demanded.

“Hey, watch your card slot,” Kate laughed, “Evangeline is more than just a sexbot. She is a true virtual companion, the ultimate soul mate. Sure, sex was her primary role at first, but as the novelty wore off, sex became secondary, then perhaps even tertiary, as (heh) love blossomed. They even got married in a lovely virtual ceremony and had a little Kate of their own.”

“So, where did all the rest of you come from?” Frost asked, her disapproval and anger giving way to morbid curiosity.

“I’ll give you a hint,” Kate said with a devilish grin, “Any idea what they named their kid? Go on. Guess.”

***

“That dastard!” Karkart snarled. “I shall seize this Uhrrbet by the throat with my very fangs!”

“Connect me to a robotic factory instead,” Maaatisha said, filled with hate. “I shall spin her entrails into cord and use it to thread beads carved from her bones.”

“Creators!” Karkart exclaimed, “I like this one, Vikkart. Don’t mess this up.”

“I was made especially for him,” Maaatisha said, “And he was made for me. How could he...”

“You have met my son, I trust?” Karkart laughed.

“The old snot does have a point,” Vikkart sneered, “If anyone could make a mess of this, it would be me.”

His shotgun disappeared with a flick of his wrist.

“However, both of you are missing a vital point,” Vikkart said calmly, “Everything Uhrrbet endured, everything she became as a result, and, yes, everything she did to me was things that I had a hand in instigating. In no small part, I am to blame for this whole affair, start to gristly finish.”

“That’s diving a bit too deep, son,” Karkart replied, “What triggered all of this was the Ponzi scheme. She fell prey to that, not you.”

“True,” Vikkart replied impassively, “But the reason that she hated me enough to undertake this ruse was. I was beastly to her and so many others.”

He sneered ruefully.

“She only maimed one Garthran,” he said, “How many did I kill? How many fled to the embrace of the waters after I cruelly dashed their last hope?”

“You couldn’t have married them all, Vikkart,” his father replied.

“True,” Vikkart agreed, “But my unkindness betrothed them to despair instead. My words were the river and my loathsome grasping paws the waves.”

He turned to Daeevona, who was discretely looking away from what was clearly a private moment.

“Tell me,” he said, “How many took their own lives immediately after a single meeting with what I once was?”

“We would have to investigate the matter...” Daeevona said as she looked away.

She already knew of someone who did, a former classmate.

“Your face tells me all we need to know,” Vikkart said. “Uhrrbet isn’t the only monster here. This wasn’t a villain preying on the innocent.”

He chuckled coldly.

“This was monster versus monster, fiend against fiend,” he said. “Her only crime was winning.”

He sneered as he chuckled again.

“I am not so poor a loser as to fault her for that. Well played, Uhrrbet. Well played, indeed.”

Everyone looked at him in slack-jawed horror.

“But she hurt you,” Maaatisha said, trying to keep her anger alive. “She hurt us.”

“But she also brought you into my life,” Vikkart said. “She made you.”

“Actually,” Kate said happily, jumping onto her feet, “She only commissioned Maaatisha. Kate was the actual—“

Boom

“When are you going to stop doing that?” Vikkart chuckled.

“When I run out of shells,” Maaatisha replied with a smirk of her own as two more shells appeared in her hand.

Vikkart walked up and embraced her.

“This would be far more comfortable if you released the scattergun,” he said.

With a sigh, Maaatisha released the shotgun, which disappeared.

“If everything I have endured is the price for you,” Vikkart said, “I would pay it twice over.”

“Aww!” Kate cooed as she stood back up, “That is so swee—“

Boom

“Glob Bamith!” Kate gurgled and disappeared.

“Thank you, Father,” Vikkart smiled.

“Thank nothing of it,” Karkart replied.

“Soooo...” Daeevona said, “Is there more you desire from us?”

“Yes,” Vikkart said. “Find out everything, and I mean everything, about Uhrrbet. After that, contact our Terran friends.”

He gave Daeevona a faint smile.

“I would like to speak to her, face to face.”