My Desertion Would Be Faster Than Heros’ Obsession

‘…Ishina looked down on Aquila earlier.’
But it didn’t seem like it was because he was in love with me. Rather, it was more like he just couldn’t stand Aquila pulling this kind of stunt after watching me suffer through my recruit days.
Either way, Ishina was obviously going to do well in this shooting demonstration. He was one of the male leads in the original novel, which meant he had absurdly high stats. And after the incident where I nearly died, he had switched his specialty to firearms. Thanks to his natural precision and composure, he always had excellent shooting results.

As expected, Ishina executed a flawless shot, and the instructor wrote down his unit's name in his notebook.
A few other units performed demonstrations afterward, but it was clear that the instructor had already made his decision. Naturally, the chosen units included the ones that Aquila, Ishina, and I belonged to.
Once the shooting practice was over, we were given a short break.

The instructor led us back inside the training hall and then disappeared somewhere. The moment he was gone, I lifted my head.
Aquila and Ishina were standing on either side of me, one on my left and the other on my right. The second I turned my head, our eyes met.
It felt like they’d both been staring at me this whole time.

And the moment our gazes locked, Aquila mouthed something at me.
‘Salvia, what do you think about what I said earlier?’
“…Ah.”

I immediately clutched my face and sank to the floor.
Shit. This was bad. This was really, really bad.
There was no way I could treat Aquila the same way ever again.

Think, think.
Aquila loves me.
Like a romance fantasy male lead, he’s devoted, passionate, and unwavering in his love for me.

I don’t even need to question whether he’s a good person or not. I’ve spent years watching him—I know him inside and out.
He proposed to me.
And I was willing to accept.
It was only natural that I’d experience everything for the first time with him. I couldn’t even picture myself marrying anyone else.

But… if someone asked me whether I loved him?
That’s the hard part.
Love.

What is love?
I mean, come on—I’ve spent the past seven years rolling through hell in the military. How the fuck would I know what love is?
If anything, I probably forgot whatever love I used to understand.

At this point, I’m basically a tin soldier with no heart.
The only things inside my head are combat and revolution. The only things that can save people are violence and fear.
…Wait, no. That’s not the point.

What the hell am I supposed to do now?!
Oh, right.
Whenever I had a problem like this, there was always one person who could help me.

And he just so happened to be standing right here.
“Ishina!”
Careful to avoid the instructor’s eyes, I ducked my head and slipped through the crowd, heading toward Ishina’s unit.

When he saw me approaching, his eyes widened.
“Salvia, don’t break formation! Get back to your spot before you cause trouble—”
“No, I have a problem!”

“…Aquila-related?”
“No! That’s not it!”
I waved my arms frantically, and after a brief moment of hesitation, Ishina stepped out of formation.

As he placed a firm hand on my arm, he glanced off to the side.
Following his gaze, I saw Aquila staring at us.
With fervent, burning eyes.

…Uh.
“So, what’s the problem?”
“I don’t know if I love Aquila.”

The moment the words left my mouth, Ishina looked utterly dumbfounded.
“…You didn’t know?”
“Huh? Wait—you knew?”

“Salvia… why the hell do you always know the things you shouldn’t know and never know the things you should know?”
With a sigh of absolute exhaustion, he ran a hand down his face. Then, with a tone that made it clear he was done with my bullshit, he spoke.
“Salvia, do you realize your voice changes whenever you talk to Aquila?”

“…Huh? Me?”
“Yes. Your voice gets softer. Your entire tone changes.”
I blinked, standing there in stunned silence.

My voice changes?
“…Is it that obvious?”
“Yes! It’s fucking obvious! You even get a weird little hint of cuteness when you talk to him!”

Okay.
That… that was true.
I did pay extra attention to his emotions and whine a little in front of him.

Was that because I wanted to look good to him?
I had always justified it by saying, “Well, he’s my only fellow recruit. I have to take care of him.”
But… was it just instinctual affection after all?

“Wait. Are you saying my attitude toward Aquila is that different? Isn’t it just because we’re fellow recruits?”
“…Salvia.”
Ishina looked at me like I was an idiot.

“If that’s what being fellow recruits is, then I—”
He let out a dry laugh.
“—oh wait. I don’t have any fellow recruits. They’re all dead.”

…Dude, don’t say that while smiling.
As I stared at him with an alarmed expression, he sighed again—this time, like he was explaining something to a toddler.
“Listen up, Salvia. If you ever aren’t sure whether you love someone, check if you ever feel jealous.”

“…Jealousy?”
Like how Karon gets when I assign work to other recruits?
Or how Sanchez feels when someone else spars with Benny?

Or how Jason feels when his old comrades laugh without him?
“Salvia, let’s say your squadmate, Luna—”
“Luna?”

“Yeah. Imagine she and Aquila start dating and spend a happy, loving time together. How would you feel?”
“…Why the fuck is she slacking off instead of working?”
“…What?”

“We’re already short on senior soldiers, and she just abandons her duties to date?! She’s dead.”
“No, that’s not the point—”
Ishina massaged his temples, then switched strategies.

“Fine. Let’s say Aquila gets discharged, then falls in love with a normal, civilian woman.”
“Imperial citizens are scum.”
“…I can’t even make a proper analogy with you.”

Ishina exhaled another exhausted sigh.
“Salvia, just listen to me. Let’s say after Aquila’s discharge, he meets a woman from the Border Defense Army. She confesses to him, and he accepts. They fall in love. They get engaged. And, of course, to help you visualize better, let’s assume she’s not April.”
Ah.

He knows me too well.
If April’s name had come up, I wouldn’t have been able to imagine it at all.
“And then,” Ishina continued, “they hug and kiss right in front of you.”

…I tried imagining it.
Aquila, standing next to some silver-haired romance fantasy heroine, smiling happily with her.
“Th—That….”

The moment I pictured it, a violent rage erupted inside me.
I clenched my fists so hard they trembled.
“Ishina! I’m furious! I’m so, so fucking furious!”

“Right. Because just the thought of Aquila being with another woman makes you mad, right?”
“I want to kill him.”
“…Kill him? That’s a bit extreme, but okay, that’s jealousy. And jealousy is—”

“No, I want to kill Aquila. That bastard dares to love someone other than me?! He’s dead.”
“…Is that… love? Is that what love is supposed to be…?”
Ishina, who had tried to help me figure out my feelings, now looked even dumber than I did.

“Ishina, I’m going to go kill Aquila right now. We suffered through hell together, and now he dares to love some other woman?! Does he have a fucking death wish?!”
“No, no, Salvia. Like I’ve said before, please stop getting angry over things that haven’t even happened.”
Ishina seemed to regain his composure and returned to his usual calm self, patting me on the shoulder.

Only then did my rage finally settle.
Oh. Right.
Aquila falling in love with another woman had only happened in my imagination.

‘That’s right—right now, Aquila loves me!’
The moment I reminded myself of that fact, my face lit up with joy.
Overcome with happiness, I grasped both of Ishina’s hands and shouted:

“Ishina, you’re amazing!”
“…Ugh.”
“You were right! This is love!”

“…I’m not even sure anymore, but… I guess people like you and Aquila belong together….”
As Ishina dragged both hands down his face and sighed over and over again, I clasped my hands together and gazed up at the sky with a look of bliss.
After all, I was experiencing a feeling I had never thought I would in my entire life.

At last, after seven long years, I had finally realized—
I was definitely in love with Aquila!
***

Unfortunately, before I could talk to Aquila any further, the instructor returned, and I had no choice but to go back to my unit.
But there was still one method left.
Letters.

I still hadn’t given Aquila my answer from that day. Sure, after everything we’d been through, he probably assumed I loved him back—but an official response was necessary.
“Salvia, do you need anything, heh?”
“I’m writing a love letter, so nobody come in!”

“…L-Love letter? Did the meaning of ‘love letter’ change when I wasn’t looking?”
“Maybe she means ‘love’ as in pity—like she’s going to spare someone instead of killing them?”
“Salvia? Spare someone?”

“…Yeah, never mind.”
“Then maybe she means ‘love letter’ as in a series of letters?”
“No way, I think she means ‘love letter’ as in ‘I’m going to lovingly murder this bastard’—just shortened.”

At that, Luna and Norman went pale and backed away from the door.
Meanwhile, I crawled under my blanket, lying on my stomach as I carefully penned my letter, pouring my full sincerity into each word.
I never thought I’d write another love letter in my life. And yet, here I was.

To Aquila,
I’m writing this letter in response to what you said the other day.
But writing was hard as hell.

If I had known this would happen, I would have asked Dalin for tips on how to write a sweet, affectionate letter. But right now, she was probably off at officer training school.
…Wait, that was seriously insane.
Alright, focus. I could do this.

You were right. I can’t be without you. And I can’t stand the thought of you without me, either.
I love y—
“Salvia!”

“DO YOU WANT TO DIE?! I SAID DON’T FUCKING INTERRUPT ME! CAN’T A SENIOR WRITE A LOVE LETTER IN PEACE?! YOU LOVELESS FUCKERS!!”
“T-That’s not it…”
Ash flinched and quickly ducked behind the door before speaking.

“…We just got a mission order.”
“A mission? What kind? Snow removal? Civil service? Construction? Necromancer hunting?”
I listed off every mission type I had ever done before.

But Ash shook his head and said something I had never heard in my life.
“It’s an operation to suppress the Second Prince’s army.”