Miss, stop committing suicide

Chapter 51

The crown prince handed me a jar of powder, which supposedly caught fire exceptionally well, and a potion that would prevent me from feeling pain. Then he sent me back to Evan.

When I looked up at the sky, the moon was breathtakingly beautiful.

Round, half-veiled by clouds yet still glowing—its radiance felt splendid.

Almost enviably so.

“So, um, what did His Highness want to talk to you about?”

“Just that the family has completely collapsed.

Now, who do you think will take it over?”

“Ah.”

“That’s all.”

I spoke as if it were nothing to worry about.

The two of them, seemingly accustomed to this sort of situation, nodded without showing any discomfort.

While I had been talking to the crown prince, Evan must have gone to fetch drinks because he handed me another iced coffee filled with ice cubes.

I smiled faintly as I accepted the coffee and began sipping it.

Soon, as Vivian and Evan became engrossed in their conversation, ignoring me, I let my forced smile drop.

The three of us sat on the same bench where I had just been sitting with the crown prince.

I asked the question that had been on my mind.

“So, how long are you planning to keep dragging me around like this?”

Evan looked flustered, as if my sudden defiance after so long had caught him off guard. He responded in a placating tone.

“Erica, you’ve been doing fine lately. Why all of a sudden…”

“I’m not your pet.

To nobles, commoners may seem like that, but at the very least, I’m a person.

How long do I have to keep pretending to be cheerful, smiling, and acting happy in front of you?”

No answer came.

The warm atmosphere from a moment ago began to drown beneath the moonlight.

I felt a pang of sadness knowing the only one truly listening to this conversation might as well be a carp in the pond.

“Just let me go already.

It hurts. Every time you two are happy in front of me.

You say we’re dating, but nothing has changed since we were friends.

Was that just a lie to torment me? Evan, answer me.”

“Erica, do you remember last time? When you yelled at Vivian here and at me, begging us to let you go?

If I hadn’t used healing magic on you then, your skull would’ve caved in, and you’d have died with blood pooling in your head.

You act this way even in front of others—how can I leave you alone?”

How unfortunate.

I could have died.

I suppose you saved me because it would be sad if your pet died.

“For the past month, I’ve been doing what you’ve asked, haven’t I?

Give me back my father’s keepsake. Let me go. I just don’t want to be with you anymore.

Vivian, you know I like Evan, yet you’re dating him. And Evan, you’re just utterly disgusting.

How can you not understand that this woman will keep liking you no matter how many times she dies?”

As I rambled on, Evan began fidgeting with his fingers.

I stared at his right hand and then pulled a half-burned cigar the crown prince had given me from my pocket and bit down on it.

Lighting it with some effort, I inhaled the smoke deeply and exhaled.

“What? Does hearing unpleasant things make you want to put me to sleep again?”

“That’s not it…”

“Vivian, could you please let me go now?

I’m not your cherished doll.

As I told you before, I can’t replace your late father either.”

Death is something that belongs solely to the individual—a personal possession to treasure and contemplate.

But to take even that away from someone is cruel beyond words.

If the gods claimed they took my death from me, I might weep at the absurdity of it.

But to deny me even the process of dying—there’s no evil worse than this.

“A month is a long enough time, isn’t it?”

No one answered my question.

They must have felt it too.

That I was nothing but a hindrance, useless and unwanted.

But Evan, once a childhood friend or possibly even someone I might have married, and Vivian, my first same-gender friend, couldn’t bring themselves to let go.

I’m not trying to call them evil.

They’re just too immature to know how to let go.

Your first love—it’s hard to part with it.

Unless there’s some glaring fault on one side.

Even after breaking up, it leaves a faint, lingering sadness.

Still, not many people lock up their ex and keep them like a pet.

There might be some, but most just bear the pain and move on with their lives.

My situation might be a little different, but it’s similar, isn’t it?

Keep me, let me die—it doesn’t matter, does it?

“This abnormality has to end sometime.

If not, be honest. Say you need a pet.

Admit you need an obedient dog to follow your orders.”

I spoke to Evan.

Then I turned to Vivian.

“Say you need a clean, pretty doll to cling to.

Say that wrapping it in the guise of friendship and sleeping with it every night makes you happy.”

“That’s not what I…”

“It’s not, but you’ve already crossed so many lines.

Every day, you’re killing me.

I’m withering away bit by bit.

When Lydia tries clumsily to hurt me, I don’t even mind it much.

But every time you two drag me around, laughing and showing me your happiness, pretending to care for me, it makes my heart ache unbearably.

And Vivian, seeing your serene face as you sleep—I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

So, this is where the conversation ends.

If you refuse, I’ll pick a suitable day and burn to death just like the crown prince suggested.

Maybe the lack of attention before was less torturous than this awkward care.

“Or should we just pretend none of this ever happened, Vivian?

I’ve already said it all, but maybe we can act as if nothing’s wrong?”

I approached Vivian and lightly touched her cheek as I spoke.

She flinched, trembling like a rabbit caught in a snare, and the sensation felt oddly new.

“Let’s go back.

Put the leash on me, feed me, and praise me when I behave.

After all, I’m your pet.”

Evan and Vivian had no intention of letting me go.

No intention of reaching any kind of compromise with me.

Because I was the abnormal one.

Because they didn’t know when I might just drop dead.

“I’ve lived and died countless times, but even this is a new experience. Painful, though.”

Grasping Vivian’s hand, I left Evan behind and headed toward the dormitory room.

I glanced back once.

Evan was holding his forehead, frowning deeply, clearly lost in thought.

Well, of course, he had plenty to think about.

If he let me go, I might just die on the spot.

But if he held onto me, I’d wither away, slowly wasting away into nothing.

Not that it was something I needed to care about.

He could live happily with Vivian, just like he was doing now.

Whenever I said things like this, a part of me retreated inward.

To a place where no sound could reach me, where no emotion could be felt—a deep, sunken void.

What could I expect from a foolish girl who couldn’t even manage to drink poison properly and ended up wasting away in misery?

All I could hope for was for her to improve little by little.

***

Another night passed, and as expected, Vivian started taking me to class again.

“Hey, Vivian. Are you really planning to drag me around like this for the rest of your life?”

Vivian didn’t answer.

Maybe she cried a little last night in bed—her eyes were slightly red.

“When you and Evan have kids one day, when you start your own family, are you still going to keep me around?

It’s unrealistic. Letting me go would solve everything.”

“I… I can’t… How could I…”

“Why not? You’re the protagonist of the world.

Everyone loves you. You’re incredibly talented, too.

But if I stick around, what else could I be but a blemish?

You insufferable little brat.”

As I spat those words, I pushed Vivian away and ran off in a random direction.

Vivian, unable to resist, fell backward helplessly but started following me as I fled.

Maybe she was too drained to even tell me to stop—her body moved, but her voice didn’t.

I suppose life with the three of us was as painful for her as it was for me.

While I suffered in my own way, Vivian must have endured a lot of my hysterics.

Her mind and body must have been worn out, nearing the point where she’d have no choice but to let me go.

Like a caretaker in a mental ward, dealing with lunatics who acted like toddlers in twenty-year-old bodies.

At least they were easier to handle.

If you made a loud enough noise, they’d wet themselves and crawl under the bed, trembling and covering their ears.

Watching their ridiculous antics and then glancing at Vivian chasing after me, I couldn’t help but laugh.

The sense of liberation was exquisite.

Yes, it has always been like this.

I pulled out the foul-smelling powder the crown prince had given me and scattered it all over myself.

From a distance, Evan appeared to be running toward us—had Vivian shattered the jewel he had given her?

Hah, it’s been a while since I ran. I could already feel myself getting out of breath.

Exhausted, I sprawled out in a plaza-like area in the middle of the academy, lying down flat.

People’s gazes began to focus on me.

What’s wrong with her? Has she finally gone mad? Or maybe they were wondering why I’d suddenly start putting on such a disgraceful display.

So I got up.

“Evan, looks like you ran pretty hard to get here.”

“Erica, can we just… talk?

I can’t give you everything you want, but there must be something we can work out.”

“When I tried to talk before, you and Vivian just brushed it off as a madwoman’s nonsense.

It’s fine. Even though we’ve ended up in this awful relationship, we can go back to how things were.

I don’t want to meet again, but let’s meet again.”

Time loops back.

I don’t want to feel pain. Will drinking this potion really make me immune to it?

Back when my arm burned, all I wanted was to die.

The taste is sweeter than I expected.

What should I do next?

I’ve tried being a pet. Maybe I should try being a villain.