LGHTNOVELBOOK 3
The suffocating silence was unbearably cold, making him squeeze his eyes shut.
“Haah…”
Doyun sighed softly and leaned his back against the cold wall. But only for a moment—he slid down and slumped onto the floor.
Somehow, nothing was going his way. Upset, Doyun banged his innocent head against the wall. Feeling a hollowness in his chest and becoming unbearably depressed, he quietly hugged his knees, when something stiff in his jacket pocket poked him sharply.
Wincing at the pain, Doyun weakly fumbled in his jacket pocket. When he pulled out what his fingertips had touched, a slightly wrinkled business card emerged.
Naturally, the owner of the business card came to mind. Doyun sighed softly and pressed down on the crumpled corners with his fingertips to smooth them out.
The more he tried, the darker the folded lines became, but the wrinkles didn’t disappear. He felt upset for no reason.
Despite this being the reunion he had longed for, not only had he failed to hold him back, but now he had even damaged the business card.
He felt completely useless.
Doyun, with a frustrated heart, kept fiddling with the corners of the business card. Then he traced each letter engraved on the neat paper one by one.
「HAE DAM」
SEOUL
Director │ Han Yujae Yu-Jae Han
010 XXXX 0113
The gold lettering on black paper looked quite elegant.
…Just as one would expect from Han Yujae’s business card.
“…Han, Yujae.”
Doyun murmured the name engraved on the business card in a low voice. As always, his name left a bitter taste on the tip of his tongue before quickly disappearing.
“Haah… you’re truly pathetic, Seo Doyun.”
Claiming he would give up on this one-sided love when he disappeared, yet here he was, preoccupied with a mere business card and wallowing in all kinds of self-pity.
Han Yujae seemed completely unaffected, so why was he acting like this?
He let out a deep sigh and dropped his head. Yet, inwardly, he repeated the man’s name numerous times.
‘Han Yujae, Han Yujae, Han Yujae…’
As the heartless name piled up layer upon layer, a corner of his heart grew heavier.
On one hand, he was inexplicably pleased with the man who had turned his ten long years into wasted time in an instant.
That fact made him feel miserable, but even that was a blessing to him.
***
Three months had passed since his mother’s funeral. Doyun still hadn’t left Korea.
Drip, drip, late spring rain fell. As he absently watched the streams of water hitting the window and rolling down, cold evening had already set in.
The raindrops on the window were colored by the city lights. Because of this, the dark sky seemed to be studded with stars of various colors.
He had been staring out the window for four hours already. Listening to the pit-pat of the rain, his mind settled more calmly than usual.
Even his troubled heart, which had been unsettled all along, was somewhat soothed. At times like this, he inevitably thought of his mother.
Doyun sat down heavily in the window seat, holding his phone. Then he tapped the screen to open the message storage.
A single star sparkled in the space where the sender’s name should be written. The simple name was something he had saved to indicate that she was the best actress.
Initially, it was to conceal the fact that she was Kim Yeo-jin, but now it seemed to have changed to mean she was someone he could no longer reach.
Doyun read the message with a bitter expression that he couldn’t erase.
[★: Doyun]
[★: Grandfather is not sending you away because he hates you]
[★: He’s sending you to study hard in America, and to do everything you want to do]
[★: I hope you won’t find it too difficult]
[★: Our Doyun.. you know Mom loves you, right?]
[★: I’m always sorry and I love you, Doyun]
On the day he fled to America ten years ago, his mother secretly sent a text message without his grandfather knowing.
Saying that Grandfather wasn’t sending him to America because he hated him, and that our Doyun’s mom truly loves you very much.
He couldn’t bring himself to ask if she meant it. Even if it was just verbal comfort, he had endured life in a foreign land thanks to those few sentences, and that was enough.
“…If I had known it would come to this, I should have asked her then.”
It felt like ages since he had last seen her.
In the end, his mother, who never embraced him first, had ultimately become someone he would long for all his life.
When he scrolled down a bit, he saw a message from four months ago. It was a text sent right after the Akon Omega Homme show, which had reportedly been broadcast in Korea as well.
[★: Doyun, are you doing well?]
[★: In today’s show, our Doyun was the most beautiful]
[★: While watching for a while, I suddenly wanted to see you performing in Korea too]
After nearly ten years since the last contact, his mother had reached out to him first. The memory of sitting backstage and sobbing loudly that day was still vivid.
Even as he headed to the after-party, Doyun kept mulling over the text his mother had sent.
Then, after ten years, he gathered courage and called her, but as always, she made the excuse of being busy and didn’t answer the phone.
Still, he was happy. The person who had contacted him first was someone he had missed so much that he could count such occasions on his fingers.
Doyun told her that he missed her. It had been a forbidden phrase until then, but he thought he could cautiously bring it up since she had contacted him first.
Fortunately, unlike in previous years, she didn’t ignore the text saying he missed her. Although there was a gap of about three days, it wasn’t a problem as long as she replied.
[★: Yes, we’ll appear on TV together]
[★: Whether it’s an advertisement, a movie, or a show, it doesn’t matter]
[★: Let’s try everything we can do together]
[★: And when you become famous in Korea too]
[★: Ta-da, I’ll proudly say you’re my son]
[★: Like a surprise!]
His mother rarely used exclamation marks, but she did in her reply.
It felt like all the time he had spent constantly checking his phone for just a few words, and all the nights he had spent sleepless, were finally being rewarded.
That day, the whole world seemed bright. Despite the drizzling rain, his heart felt exceptionally sunny.
For Doyun, who was elated, she sent messages the next day as well.
[★: Mom wants to show you off soon. To tell everyone how wonderfully my son has grown]
[★: Even if you become more famous than me someday, don’t forget our promise, okay?]
[★: I love you, my son]
[★: ♥]
The word “promise” especially resonated in his heart.
When she said she wanted to be together, Doyun didn’t hesitate to contact the agency with whom he was discussing a contract renewal.
He told them he wanted to work in Korea soon, that he would continue his American activities only until the end of this year, and then return to Korea immediately.
By this point, he no longer insisted on high fashion.
Given that it was a profession with a notably short lifespan, and an industry where transitions to broadcasting were common, he believed it was a good time for him, now in his tenth year, to start fresh after retirement.
Then one day, while filled with such hope, his grandfather’s secretary delivered the devastating news.
Actress Kim Yeo-jin had died in a traffic accident caused by his father.
With this unexpected news of her passing, Doyun’s hopes were ruthlessly crushed. From that day on, Doyun fell into such despair that he couldn’t find the strength to rise again.
It felt like wandering alone in pitch darkness. No matter how much he struggled, he couldn’t escape the depressive emotions.
Sometimes his chest would tighten so much he couldn’t breathe, causing him to lose consciousness. Even that pain had become familiar now.
There was nowhere left to lean on. Though he had lived counting the days until reuniting with his mother, now everything had become meaningless.
“Sigh…”
Even sighing had become routine. The outside world he had gazed at for so long no longer felt welcome.
Doyun turned off his phone screen and placed it weakly on the table. At that moment, it vibrated a couple of times.
[ED. Renner: Are you really not coming back, Doyun?]
[ED. Renner: The next season starts in two months]
[ED. Renner: You said you’d be back soon]
The messages with awkward Korean were from Edwin Renner, a top model from the same agency.