I Can Hear the Saint’s Inner Thoughts

86 – Idea (1)

* * *

This happened a few days before arriving at the Dullahan’s territory, the Forsaken Hollow, so it was the evening of the day I rejected Victoria’s confession.

After setting out on a journey with my companions to subjugate the Demon King, a small curiosity had arisen within me.

That curiosity was: where does magic ultimately lead?

The Red Magic Tower says that magic is a discipline where power is the most important thing.

The Blue Magic Tower says that magic is a discipline where the user is the most important thing.

Aside from those, the definitions of the discipline of magic pursued by the Gold, White, and Black Magic Towers were all different and unique.

The five magic towers, said to be founded by the disciples of the god Odin, each advanced the study of magic while heading down different paths.

But,

“Why would the patron god choose such a complicated and troublesome method?”

Given that Odin systematically categorized the levels of magic and used the holy sword to appoint heroes as his proxies, he doesn’t seem like someone who’d like ambiguity.

So, why?

Was it really necessary to adhere to such a complex method?

Was there something that couldn’t be achieved with just one field of study and value system?

“…Or, is there a reason?”

I was recording today’s testament into a clear, polished sphere, so reflective I could see my own face. After living with my companions, my attitude towards life had shifted a bit, so it was closer to recording a diary now.

I kept muttering to myself as I stared at it.

Because in a few days, I’d be heading to the Forsaken Hollow, the domain of the Dullahan, and I couldn’t shake the growing anxiety.

I still hadn’t relieved myself of the guilt, and had even rejected Victoria’s heartfelt confession, and now I was afraid that someone else would die before my eyes.

“In my opinion, maybe the pinnacle of magic is the merging of different thoughts or values into one.”

I muttered, remembering when I imbued a magic circle with Victoria’s divine power and destroyed the undead lich.

If I’m right, and the patron god Odin is watching me, and I can kill the Demon King with the power of my mana-seeing eyes…

“…This is the most likely scenario.”

A three-dimensional magic circle spun rapidly in my hand.

If I could borrow the power of the other hero parties in addition to Victoria’s, it had the potential to be incredible.

“What’s the point of figuring this out? I’m such a useless idiot, not even able to accept the feelings of a girl I like, making her cry…”

I covered my face with my hands, letting out a mournful voice.

I was alive thanks to her devoted care after I nearly died subjugating Bellamora, and because I finally taught that dolt, still wracked with guilt, what love was.

Of course, there were a few minor problems, like the fact that Victoria was terminally ill, so she kept trying to distance herself from me with harsh words and outbursts.

But Victoria wasn’t lying about her true feelings; she was being honest with herself.

“…I want to tell you I like you too. Victoria.”

What in the world gave me the confidence to try and distance myself from Victoria?

A deep sigh, mixed with self-pity and loathing, came naturally, and seeing even *that* being recorded by the testament magic suddenly gave me an idea.

“Ah, that’s how it can be done.”

If Victoria was afraid of me dying, or I was afraid of her dying, before I could convey my feelings, wasn’t the best solution right in front of me?

“…It’s a little embarrassing, but this way, I can leave a real answer to your confession. If things go well, I can tell you directly, instead of resorting to this awkward method.”

I cleared my throat a couple of times, picturing Victoria standing before me in my mind, and then began to speak.

Her surroundings always smelled faintly of flowers, her smiling face was beautiful like a shining light, and she had soft, ticklish platinum blonde hair.

When she teased me, she’d smile with her eyes squinted shut, and she was secretly shy, so her cheeks, neck, and ears would turn red even as she expressed affection. Just thinking about that woman made my heart race.

“─This is a message I’m leaving for the saintess I love, Victoria Eberhart.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and poured my true feelings, my real answer to Victoria’s confession, into the testament magic.

Victoria must have felt this embarrassed too, she must have been so nervous that every word stumbled.

And I kicked that precious feeling aside, fueled by the cowardly thought that if either she or I died, that love would never be connected, it would simply scatter.

I didn’t really want to do that, though.

I wanted to tell you that I think I love you too.

“I think I started to like you a long time ago, actually. Maybe I even fell for you when we first met.”

I remember the first time I met Victoria.

A saintess with flowers blooming on half her body, a pitiful woman who overcomes countless pains and hardships with a smiling face while saving people.

The moment I first saw Victoria, I didn’t feel disgusted at all.

Rather, her eyes held the look of someone about to die, making my heart ache like it was being torn apart.

They looked similar to my own eyes when I saw them in the mirror. A vacant, glass-like color, without even a sliver of hope for life, as if everything was meaningless.

“The moment I first saw you, Victoria, my body moved on its own, wanting to ‘save’ you. Until now, I thought it was out of pity, or empathy for your sorrow…”

Thinking back, it was insane.

No matter how much I wanted to help her, how could I have taken the hand of a saintess who was supposed to maintain her purity by avoiding contact with men?

If that weren’t the case, I wouldn’t have felt that tingling, electrifying sensation when Victoria’s fingertips touched my own.

It was truly a ridiculous thing.

I didn’t even know when I had fallen for her, and even though I could hear Victoria’s inner thoughts, I kept pushing away her feelings.

“…Maybe it was love at first sight, and I just wanted to save you. That’s why I endured even knowing you were spewing abuse and insults.”

I said, slightly lifting the corner of my lips.

I was bad at expressing my true feelings, so the image of her using alcohol as an excuse to act cute towards me, or the pure image of her shedding tears when I came back injured from a fight, was vivid in my mind.

“Actually, the reason I didn’t immediately reject the contract relationship you proposed must have been that reason too.”

Thinking about it now, pretending to be fake lovers to counteract the succubus’s dream realm is a lie so simple even a three-year-old could see through it.

I even added conditions, clinging to the justification that it was to defeat the Demon Lord, and made a contract with her.

I told myself an irreversible lie.

That’s because back then, I didn’t know the feeling of love, and she hadn’t conveyed her true feelings to me either.

But,

“…Well, why didn’t I reject it right away? Maybe it was because I wanted to actually become lovers with you, to have a deeper relationship than just colleagues.”

Now, thanks to Victoria’s confession, I finally understand what I feel for her.

It’s love, that feeling with a name that torments me so intensely.

“I guess… I like you more than I thought.”

I’m pouring my true feelings, without a shred of a lie, into this dying wish magic.

“Is that a stupid answer? Sorry, I don’t really understand love yet, to be honest. It’s the first time I’ve ever liked someone…”

Clumsy and immature.

Even though I know this feeling pounding in my heart is love,

I was too much of a coward to tell Victoria directly.

“…I’m sorry I rejected you last time. And… I love you.”

I forced myself to ignore the sensation of my face burning up as I spoke words that would embarrass anyone.

“I hope it’s not too late for an answer to your confession.”

Hoping that someday these feelings would reach Victoria, I went to sleep, cherishing the flutter in my heart.

* * *

“Draw the holy sword? You dare order me around, you greenhorn?”

The Dullahan was speechless, seeing Astal tell him to draw the holy sword.

This guy, barely managing to block a weapon that had slain ten legendary creatures in this world, was provoking him with a nasty grin.

‘…Has he gone mad, knowing he can’t win?’

Or…

Could it be, he thinks he can win?

That thought sent the Dullahan’s grip tightening on his weapon, and his armor clanked, his movements accelerating.

I am the First Hero.

Stronger than any of these greenhorns, more combat experience, a being who even killed his own loved one and their child to survive.

To justify surrendering to the Demon Lord Ergosum, I have to prove I have the strength to kill at least *this* generation’s Hero.

Otherwise, everything I’ve done until now will be for nothing, a pathetic, desperate struggle.

“…Just a big mouth, huh? Don’t you value your life?”

*KA-CHANG!*

Astal’s Core Sword and the Dullahan’s greatsword clashed, sparks flying. He was still fighting without drawing his Holy Sword.

The weapon he’d pulled out this time was the greatsword called Breaker, the sword that killed the most resilient creature in the world.

Even though it was a legendary weapon that could ignore any defense and deliver the shock directly.

Astal kept parrying his attacks. His legs trembled from the impact, the threads surrounding his body steadily being chipped away, but he didn’t lose his composure.

The longer the fight dragged on, the heavier the downpour became.

Now, the torrential rain was so intense it drowned out even the cheering of the crowd.

“It’s suddenly raining in the arena! And along with that, the mad magician’s massive magic circle is growing larger—!!”

Seeing that, Siren raised her voice. She even used a waterproof spell towards the audience seats, so the raindrops wouldn’t reach them.

As Siren said, the threads in Astal’s palm started to spin faster, growing larger until they were big enough to block the sky.

“I have an answer I need to deliver.”

Astal grinned, raising the magic circle high.

If he were to die here, Victoria would hear all the embarrassing things in the will magic he’d prepared just in case.

“…I absolutely can’t die before then.”

He still had a reason to live.