I Become a Secret Police Officer of The Imperial Academy

Chapter 34

After the meal, still wrapped in an unpleasant feeling, I found myself once again holding Ethel’s hand as we returned to the room.

The old stairs creaked as we ascended.

Ethel walked beside me, carefully watching, as if afraid I might trip. She probably thought she was being discreet about it, but it was obvious.

The way she treated me felt like how one might handle a fragile preschooler—as if touching me the wrong way might break me completely.

It wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience for me.

Back in the bedroom, before attempting to sleep despite knowing I wouldn’t, I grabbed Ethel, who was already in her pajamas, and asked her,

“…Why didn’t you tell them?”

“Tell them what?”

“What you went through because of me.”

“…I don’t know.”

Ethel’s expression was hard to read, making it difficult for me to press her further.

“I don’t know why. I really don’t.”

“When I had you earlier…”

I almost asked her what she would’ve done if I had broken her neck instead of threatening her knee but closed my mouth.

In the past, I wouldn’t have hesitated. Before Julius entered the room, I would’ve snapped her knee without a second thought.

Why would a limp matter, anyway? That’s what I would’ve told myself.

If Julius had made any move toward me, I wouldn’t have hesitated to twist his neck either. At least he wouldn’t have died right away.

Saving Ethel would’ve taken priority over me escaping the mansion.

But I hadn’t done any of that.

Maybe I’ve changed.

Ethel forced a smile and said to me,

“Goodnight, Ellen. Just think of this as a chance to rest for a while.

It’s not a hotel in the middle of the capital, but….”

“…Yeah.”

Did she bring me here purely out of goodwill?

Religious teachings often preach loving others, but the fact that such things need to be taught means people naturally don’t do them.

It was hard to understand.

If parents who had always shown love suddenly strung up their child and subjected them to beatings and water torture, the child would surely resent them.

But Ethel and I weren’t even family; we were nothing more than a pair of first friends—a shallow bond at best.

People offer goodwill expecting it to be returned.

Yet, instead of goodwill, I’d “offered” Ethel waterboarding.

There was no way I could repay what Ethel had done for me.

In the past, I might’ve tried to repay her with money, but if I used up all my funds, killing demons would become an unattainable dream.

I returned to the room.

It wasn’t a guest room but seemed to be a space once used by someone who had lived here before.

It had a lived-in feel.

On the table sat a teapot identical to the one I had broken earlier.

The tea leaves in the box were a decent quality black tea.

I pulled out some of the dried leaves, stuffed them in my mouth, and began chewing.

It gave me a faint sense of clarity.

Maybe I should start looking for an escape route.

The room was on the second floor, so breaking the window and jumping out could work.

Ethel must’ve told the Count and Countess that I would stay here for a while, so walking out the front door might even be an option.

I clenched my fist, ready to punch the window, but closed my eyes and lay down on the bed instead.

Dragging a hand over my face, I let go of the tension in my body and, surprisingly, fell asleep much faster than I’d expected.

***

I felt light.

There was no oppressive weight crushing me or nausea threatening to rise.

It was refreshing—a much brighter feeling than usual.

Perhaps taking a break now and then wasn’t so bad after all.

It seemed Ethel had even brought my school uniform from my room on the day she kidnapped me.

When she handed me the freshly washed uniform just in time for the academy, it was unnervingly meticulous.

She wasn’t kidding when she said she’d stay close. Even at the academy, she clung to me constantly, never once going to meet Theo or other friends.

“Hey, Ethel, are you planning to stick to my side even during class?”

“If I take my eyes off you for even a moment, who knows where you’ll go.”

“I’m not a kid….

And if you keep holding me like this, when do I get to work? After all, once you graduate, you’ll be heading to the Mage Tower or some other job, right?”

Ethel frowned, as if upset.

“Then at least until we graduate…

No, even after that—until you find a proper job at least….”

She started mumbling something to herself.

If it came down to it, I could shut her up—no, I couldn’t.

Even if I had a gun in hand, I couldn’t bring myself to aim it at Ethel’s forehead.

I briefly wished Ethel would leave me alone and go hang out with Isabel and Diana instead. But instead of her leaving, they came here.

“Oh, Miss Diana. You’re not casting any spells on me this time?”

“Ah, haha… T-that was, um, because Ethel… asked me to….”

“I figured.”

“So, would living with Ethel be better than the convent after all?”

“What kind of question is that?

The food there is awful, isn’t it? I heard they eat nothing but grass every day.”

“And you’ve been eating dried rye bread and water for lunch every day.”

“There’s a big difference between efficient nutritional intake to save time and eating for enjoyment.”

“…You’re ridiculous.”

Ethel, uncomfortable with my bickering with Isabel, laughed nervously and changed the subject.

“Instead of arguing, why don’t we stop by a café after class?

They’ve got a new dessert, and I was thinking of trying it out. What do you think?”

“Y-yeah, let’s do that. N-no fighting, okay?”

Isabel and I both replied simultaneously that we hadn’t been fighting.

After class, I got the cheapest coffee available and sat in a corner, half-listening to their chatter.

Apparently, a certain opera actor was all the rage these days.

Some boys had caused trouble at a cabaret and received disciplinary action.

Theo wouldn’t be involved in something like that.

There was talk of elaborate firework spells becoming popular lately.

Even a few stories of Theo’s exploits were mentioned.

But nothing about the catastrophe caused by the demons that day.

Was this out of consideration for me? Or was it just a fleeting topic they’d chosen to forget?

For now, everyone was laughing and cheerful, but if they heard that I’d dealt with Olga’s father—the half-demon who had tormented me—they’d probably try to lock me up somewhere.

I let out an unsettling laugh, thinking about how to end this charade.

Throwing away the future for the sake of momentary satisfaction didn’t seem rational.

Maybe I should start working after I graduate from the academy.

But if I settled for this, why did Julian have to die?

No, Julian didn’t die for something like that.

Did he die telling me to give up and settle like this?

He destroyed the family entirely.

Dismissed the servants with generous severance pay.

Sure, I’ve killed many demons, but so many are still alive.

They said I faltered because I was swept up in my emotions.

Julian must’ve been so weak that even his emotions had dulled.

He just didn’t show it.

“…Ellen?”

What am I even doing?

Am I blaming my brother now, trying to hate those who killed Alicia or my parents—those I already have plenty of reason to resent?

Julian, the one who at least tried to care for me, the one who made an effort to support me?

Julian was probably just impatient.

If he wanted to ruin everything, he wouldn’t have buried himself in paperwork and worked so hard.

It was just bad luck, that’s all.

Who could have foreseen someone like Theo would exist?

At the very least, I shouldn’t deny Julian.

If I keep denying and resenting everyone around me, eventually, I’ll end up denying Alicia too.

I’d either have to deny Alicia’s death—or die myself.

Maybe I’ve let myself go mentally just because my body feels a little better.

“Ellen!?”

Isabel, who was sitting next to me, grabbed my shoulders and shook me.

“Oh, uh. What?”

Isabel was biting her lip, her teeth pressing into it slightly.

She looked like she was about to scold me but ended up with an expression that seemed ready to cry.

“…If you’re in pain, say something.”

“I’m fine. But what’s with you all of a sudden?”

“You were just crying and shaking like there was an earthquake, so don’t even try to play dumb.”

Hearing that I’d been crying, I reached up to touch my eyes.

They were slightly wet.

“I guess… I was just a little tired.”

“What would it take for you to let me heal you properly so you’d wake up feeling better…?”

“Look, sitting here at a café, joking around, chatting about this and that—it’s all fine.

But you dragged me here against my will. You didn’t care about what I wanted.

So, like always, just don’t care and go back to whatever you were talking about before.”

“You…”

That look she gave me wouldn’t change anything.

I picked up the coffee in front of me and began sipping it slowly.

Maybe I should just quit.

It wouldn’t matter if I did.

But if I gave up now, I’d lose the excuse of being a harmless student and the future it could secure.

Someday, I might even get a job at the royal library, and that’s too good to throw away lightly.

Who would ever suspect that a mere librarian was secretly capturing demons, locking them in underground chambers, and incinerating their corpses in furnaces?

The risks outweigh the rewards.

I couldn’t sacrifice my future for the fleeting satisfaction of immediate liberation.

When I return home, I need to get my gun back first.

Then, slowly, I’ll start parting ways.

With comfort.