Harry Potter: The Shadow’s Heir

"Crucio!"

The pale jet of light hit the rabbit and did nothing.

Theo growled. "Why isn't it working?" He demanded.

"I told you. You need to want to cause pain-"

"I have been!"

"Not enough!"

Harry rubbed his forehead and checked his watch.

' Still got time'

"Are you sure I shouldn't just ask Snape or-"

"Trust me, Theo! I know this spell. Listen. Just, imagine the rabbit is the person you hate most in the world. Think about how much you hate them, how much you want them to suffer-"

"I'm trying! But it isn't them, it's just a stupid bunny and-"

"That's why I said imagine!"

Harry glared at Theo for a moment.

"Think about the guy who killed your mother," he said softly. "How he fucking ruined your life. He deserves to suffer, doesn't he? Don't you want to see him scream? See him in pain? Think about that. Feel nothing but the hate"

"Who do you think about when you do it?"

Harry bit back his first retort, which had been to shout that it was none of Theo's business. Instead, he regarded his friend critically before saying.

"If you manage it tonight, I'll tell you"

Theo looked like he wanted to say something. After a moment, he nodded and closed his eyes, breathing deeply.

Almost ten minutes later he opened them again, raising his wand.

"Crucio!"

The abandoned classroom was lit up as the red light shot towards the hapless rabbit.

The rabbit squealed and shook, falling over completely.

When the curse was lifted, it lay on its side and panted, still twitching.

"How do you feel?"

Theo turned to him with wide eyes.

"I-good. I managed it!"

"You did. Good? Not incredibly amazing?"

"No, just good. Why?"

Harry shrugged. "Some people react strongly to it. I do. Feels a lot better for me to use it than for you"

"Oh"

There was silence for a bit until Theo broke it.

"How long did it take you to manage it?"

"Oh," Harry said, scratching the back of his neck. "I got it on the first time"

Theo whistled softly.

"Yup," Harry said, full of embarrassed pride.

"So?"

"So what?"

' Fuck. Why did I agree to it?'

"So, who do you think about when you cast it?"

"Just a muggle. It doesn't matter"

' Leave it. Just fucking leave it'

"I'm pretty sure it does matter. If you hate him so much-"

"I said it doesn't fucking matter, ok?!"

"C'mon, Harry, you said you'd tell me"

' Only cause I thought you wouldn't manage the fucking spell'

"I don't w-"

"I've told you the truth about my mother. Barely anyone knows that"

"Theo-"

"Is it the guy who your boggart turned into?"

' How dare you!'

Without even making a conscious decision, Harry's wand was out.

"I don't want to talk about it" he whispered.

"Someone once told me, the world doesn't care about what you want"

Harry's expression didn't change.

' Try using my own lines on me? Fuck you!'

"Theo, you're-"

"You know what my boggart turned into. Why I hate that guy so much. Why do you hate that muggle so much?"

"IT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER! HE'S DEAD!"

"It matters if just thinking about him gets you so angry. You need to talk about this, and-"

"Don't you fucking dare tell me what I need" Harry hissed.

"Just listen, you need-"

"Crucio!"

Theo managed to twist out of the way of the curse.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!" He shouted betrayal and anger etched into his face.

"I TOLD YOU, I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, AND YOU JUST HAVE TO FUCKING PUSH AND NEEDLE, AND-"

"MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE AGREED TO TELL ME THEN! MAYBE I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TRUSTED YOU WITH ANYTHING, CAUSE FRIENDSHIP IS CLEARLY A ONE WAY STREET WITH YOU!"

Harry looked into Theo's flushed face. The boy looked like he was nearly bursting into tears.

"Fine, Theo, you want to fucking know? You want to know what he did?" His voice was low, dangerous.

"Yeah, I do! I want you to trust me enough-"

"He raped me. He made me suck him off, and he fucked me. Over and over again. He made me tell him how much I liked it, and how I wanted it"

Theo looked horrified. Harry went on.

"Started when I was seven. Was slow at first. He fucked me for the first time on my ninth birthday. He didn't like to do that too often though"

"Harry, I-"

Harry's eyes flashed. Almost too fast to see, he had his wand pressed against Theo's chest.

"You wanted to hear this, didn't you?" He hissed. "You said I need to talk about it. So you have to fucking listen!"

He carried on in the same conversational tone he had been using before.

"He didn't like to do it too often. Said it would make me stretch. He wanted me to bleed. He liked it. He liked having me suck my own blood off of his cock"

Theo tried to say something. Harry pressed his wand in harder.

"And one day, well. I just snapped. Accidental magic, of course. But I made him go home and hang himself. Felt bad about it afterward, too"

Harry giggled.

"I felt bad about it. How fucked up is that? I felt bad about killing the fucking pedo"

He looked Theo dead in the eyes.

"Is that what you wanted to hear? Give you some nice wank fantasies for tonight?"

"No, Harry, Merlin, I-"

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up."

Theo did.

"I have to go to Magical Theory now. If you ever tell anyone-"

"I won't"

Harry ignored the interjection completely.

"If you ever tell anyone," he said, seriously, as a single tear rolled down his cheek, "I'll make you die screaming. No fucking joke, I'll make you beg me to kill you"

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"Professor, we've just been talking about how spells are all based on intention, and how the wandwork and incantations are only really a way to focus. I was just wondering, if so, how come sometimes when the incantation is mispronounced it has a totally different result to the real spell? Surely it should just result in nothing?"

' You really do love the sound of your voice, don't you, you stuck up bitch?'

Waffling focused on Granger.

' Please, please tell her that she's a stupid, good for nothing piece of shit. Wipe that self-satisfied smile off of her fucking face. Make her miserable'

"Five points to Gryffindor"

Harry groaned internally.

"Let me answer your question with a question of my own"

' I should have just skived off. Why the fuck did I even come here now? Fuck you, Theo, I wish I could just fucking kill you'

"The first time in history that a spell is cast. Was that spell just invented, or discovered?"

"Invented," Granger said immediately.

"Why do you say that?"

"I've seen books that talk about spellcrafting, so I figured that spells are invented?" Granger was sounding less sure of herself as she went on.

' Maybe she realizes how fucking ridiculous she sounds. Fuck. I can't concentrate on this shit right now'

"Nice try, but not everything is contained in books. Does anyone have an opinion? Are spells invented, or discovered? Davis?"

"Invented. If they were discovered, they wouldn't be in a specific language"

"What about wordless casting? What about the fact that many spells have different incantations in other countries? Boot?"

"Discovered. Better wizards use fewer wand movements. If they were a necessary part of the spell, they wouldn't be able to minimize on the motions without losing efficiency"

' Trust a Ravenclaw to be as wordy as fucking possible. Someone should cut out his tongue'

"The truth is that it is really mixture"

' I can't fucking do this right now. I need to meditate or curse something '

"Yes, Potter?"

"Sorry Professor. Just. I've got a massive headache, could I leave early?"

"Of course!" Waffling said. "Go to the infirmary if you need, or just have an early night. Miss Davis will catch you up on what you miss"

Tracey nodded.

"Thanks"

Harry gathered his stuff and left, trying to look like he was in pain.

He decided to try for meditation.

' Snape would probably kill me if I use the Unforgivables as a stress release again'

He sat on his bed, cross-legged, and closed his eyes.

He tried to clear his mind, but it took much longer than usual. Eventually, though, he managed.

He stayed like that, doing nothing for the best part of half an hour.

By the time he was finished, he was feeling much better.

' Better than usual even. Maybe Theo was right. Maybe I did need to talk about it'

Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, Harry still hadn't exactly forgiven his friend.

' At least I don't want to Crucio him now. Seriously, what the fuck was I thinking? I wasn't. That's the problem. That's exactly what Snape was talking about. I wasn't thinking, and I almost tortured one of my friends'

It was actually quite horrifying.

' Can I even tell Snape about this? He'll just tell me to clear my mind more. Fuck. This isn't good'

Harry cleared his mind again, relaxing all his muscles as he sank into his bed.

He hadn't closed the curtains around his four-poster, and the location of his bed gave him a view of the bedroom door.

So he saw the instant Theo walked in.

"Theo" he exclaimed, jumping off of his bed.

Theo shrunk back, raising his arms.

' Fuck!'

"No, Theo! I don't want to hurt you! I want to apologize" he said, the words coming out in a rush. "I shouldn't have tried to, to-"

"To Crucio me?" Theo said softly.

"Yeah. I wasn't thinking, and-"

"I get it, Harry. I do. I mean, I can't relate to what you went through, but I get why you reacted like that"

"Yeah," Harry said sheepishly. "I've never spoken about it before. You may have been right about needing to talk about it"

Theo laughed humorlessly. "I'm always right. Harry" he said gently, "have you ever thought about seeing a mind healer?"

"I'm not crazy," Harry said quickly.

' Am I? Normal people don't like torturing and killing. Maybe I am crazy'

"They're not just for crazy people, I-"

"Nope. No mind healer. Not crazy. Haven't seen a psychiatrist either. A priest, yeah, but that was different"

He giggled slightly at that.

"Harry-"

"Theo. I'm still a bit pissed off. Don't push it, ok?"

"Ok, ok" Theo threw his arms up in surrender. "But I do think you need to talk about it a bit more. And a mind healer helped me get over what I saw with my mum"

"No mind healer"

"At least talk to Snape!" Was Theo's exasperated response. "I mean, I'd offer, but I don't think I'm really suited for this type of thing"

"No, you're not". Harry didn't notice the look of hurt that quickly crossed on Theo's face. "Maybe Snape, though. Maybe"

"Just think about it, ok?"

"Yup. We're cool?"

"Yeah"

"Good"

Harry decided that he would talk to Snape about it. Strange as it was, he actually felt better after his rant to Theo.

It had been quite cathartic, really. To be able to say it. Like putting it behind him.

Of course, it would have to wait until after the Quidditch finals. He was simply too exhausted after training to even think about finding Snape, and he didn't have that much free time otherwise. Especially not with exams coming up.

"Anything interesting in there?"

"Not really. Some stuff about Crouch. The bastard's finally dead"

"Crouch?" Harry asked once he swallowed his bacon.

"He was a true asshole," Draco said, folding the paper up and passing it to Harry. "He was head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement during the last war. Really had it out for anyone suspected of being Death Eaters"

"Yeah?" Harry said, glancing at the headline.

BARTEMIUS CROUCH DEAD AT 71

It shouted. As if anyone really cared.

"Yeah. Allowed Aurors to use the unforgivables, and stuff like that. He lost prestige after they found out about his son, though"

"His son?"

"He was a Death Eater. He got caught with my aunt and uncle"

"Wait, weren't they the ones-"

"Who tortured the Longbottoms? Yeah"

Harry laughed. "So he's out crucioing people into insanity while his father is trying to catch him?"

"Pretty much"

"Wow"

"Yeah. He died in Azkaban, I think"

"Crazy"

"Get this, his dad sentenced him there himself!"

"Super crazy"

"They're smart. But guess what? We're known to be smart too"

"Cunning, Marcus. Cunning and sly"

"Shut up! Just pay attention for once, Bole"

"Fine"

"They might have some crazy strategies planned. But we've been watching them for a while now"

"Trying to stave off the boredom-"

"Shut the fuck up, Bole!"

Flint took a deep breath.

"Fuck it. Get out there and crush them. We've got better brooms and better players. Let's prove it"

They marched on to the field, the sunlight harsh in their eyes.

Madam Hooch laid out the rules as Flint and the Ravenclaw captain, Roger Davies, stared each other down.

The whistle blew, and fourteen brooms flew into the air.

A few seconds later the whistle blew again, and the balls were released.

"AND THEY'RE OFF! DEFENDING CHAMPIONS SLYTHERIN FACING THE MIGHT OF RAVENCLAW! WILL THIS BE THE GAME THAT BREAKS THE SLYTHERIN STREAK? ONLY TIME WILL TELL IF OUR HOPES COME TRUE-"

"FOCUS ON GAMEPLAY, JORDAN!"

"SORRY! AND ITS SLYTHERIN IN POSSESSION, FLINT PASSES TO PUCEY, PUCEY'S RACING AHEAD, HE PASSES TO POTTER, OOOH"

Harry rolled into a dive to avoid the bludger flying at his head. He managed to recover and pass back to Pucey, just managing to dodge the next Bludger.

"A bit of help, Derrick?" He called out.

The beater just smiled and waved.

"AND PUCEY'S GOING FOR IT. HE SCORES. 10-0, TO SLYTHERIN"

Harry punched the air.

AND BACK IN PLAY, WE'VE GOT CREST WITH POSSESSION. NICE DODGE THERE! WILL HE BALANCE THE SCALES?"

He wouldn't. Flint managed to intercept and passed to Harry.

They moved forward towards the Ravenclaw goals, passing back and forth between them.

"AND POTTER SCORES. 20-0 TO SLYTHERIN"

"AND ITS WITON WITH THE QUAFFLE. HE PASSES TO CREST, PASSES TO CORNER. AND CORNER SCORES! 20-10 TO SLYTHERIN"

The game went on. Harry scored a few more, managed to just dodge a bludger aimed at his face, and helped set up another few goals.

"AND PUCEY SCORES. 90-70 TO SLYTHERIN"

He heard the crowd's screams and turned before Jordan even got the words out.

"AND THE SLYTHERIN SEEKER PULLS INTO A DIVE. CHANG'S HOT ON HIS HEELS. COME ON CHANG, DONT LET THAT SLIMY-"

"JORDAN!"

Jordan let out a loud groan. "MALFOY GETS THE SNITCH. SLYTHERIN WINS 240-70. AND SLYTHERIN TAKES THE CUP. AGAIN"

In their next training session with Snape, Harry finally managed to cast a proper Patronus.

The mist eventually settled into the shape of a gleaming silver crow.

"Wow!" Harry called out, watching the bird preen.

"Well done. I think twenty points to Slytherin are in order" Snape said.

Harry snorted softly.

"Sir?" He asked. "What does the Patronus' shape mean?"

Snape looked at him closely.

"That is not a simple question to answer. There is no single definition of what a person's Patronus means"

"I meant-"

"I know what you meant. The shape one's Patronus takes could be dependent on anything from their true love to their animagus form or even a symbolic representation of their personality"

"Oh"

"Indeed. I do not know much about animal symbolism. If you are truly interested, you can surely find a useful book in the library"

"Yeah," Harry said, still watching his crow. Eventually, it dissipated totally, leaving him with a strange sense of loss.

"How has your emotional control been of late?"

' I came very close to torturing or even killing someone I consider a good friend. I've had to fight off the desire to just Imperius Pansy a bunch of times'

"It's been ok. A bit worse than before, but ok"

"Worse?" Snape asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Uh, I'd like to talk you about some stuff actually. In private, if we could. About my childhood"

' And now I have to fucking go through with it'

Snape frowned for an instant.

"Tomorrow evening is suitable?"

"Yeah. I think so"

"Fine. In the meantime, I wish to test your Occlumency"

Snape stared into his eyes. Harry felt it almost immediately.

"You're in"

"Correct. Now, try to stop me"

Images started flying through Harry's head. Half-remembered glimpses of his childhood, bits of lessons, him bending his head to lap at Pansy's-

"You need to work on that" Snape said. "You could detect my presence, but your defense is practically non-existent"

"How do I change that?" Harry said, ignoring the blush spreading across his cheeks.

' Well, now Snape knows what a naked Pansy looks like. I wonder if he's grateful?'

"For now you will focus on simply clearing your mind when you detect my presence. Clear your mind, and force it to stay clear"

"Wouldn't that make it obvious that I'm hiding something? If someone looks into my mind, and suddenly it just goes blank-"

"It would, which is why once you prove to be capable of resisting my will to pull out information, we will work on false memories"

"False memories?"

Snape sighed. "Isn't it obvious? It is the art of using Occlumency to create false memories and thus lead a Legilemens astray"

"Oh," Harry said, lamely

"Indeed. We will meet tomorrow evening. Draco, let us test your Occlumency progress"

"So, Harry. What did you want to discuss?"

Harry let his eyes wander around the room, looking at all the strange ingredients on the shelves.

"I- when I was seven years old," he said, still not meeting Snape's eyes, "There was this man who used to work at the orphanage. He was like the orphanage's Filch"

Heart racing, Harry took a deep breath. Focusing on his Professor's pointed chin, he continued.

"He had this office. A broom closet, really. He had a chair in there, and his toolboxes and stuff. And one day, he-he said he wanted to talk to me"

' Why am I doing this? Fuck, why?'

When Harry next spoke, it was in an emotionless, mechanical voice.

"He-he made me get on my knees. And he made me-"

Right then, a silver Phoenix burst into the room.

It spoke in Dumbledore's calm voice.

"Emergency staff meeting in my office now. Stop whatever you are doing and get there as soon as possible. This is to do with the Sirius Black situation. This is an emergency"

The Patronus flashed brightly and vanished.

Snape stood up, glancing down at Harry.

"We will have to continue at a later point. I'm sorry for this, but I have to go"

"Of course," Harry said, bile filling his throat.

' I finally work up the courage, and you have to stop me?! Fuck you, Dumbledore, fuck you, Black!'

Snape pauses before leaving his office.

"You should head back to the dorms. Do you have your invisibility cloak?"

"Yeah"

"Wear it. I don't know what's going on with Black, and you don't want to take any chances"

"But the Dark-"

"I know what he said! Still, twelve years in Azkaban is enough to destroy anyone's sanity. Do me a favor, and wear your cloak"

"Fine" Harry said, standing up and pulling it out. "I will"

"And be on your guard. We will continue this conversation"

"Yeah, sure"

Snape gave him a sharp look before leaving the room.

A few seconds later, Harry left as well, unseen.

' Fuck you, Sirius Black. First dementors, now this? You fucking ruin everything'