LGHTNOVELBOOK Chapter 25: Chapter 25
Chapter 25
"Not for lack of trying on Peter's part," Remus muttered into his plate. "He was far more eager to spend time with you than the other way around."
"Oh, c'mon, not you too, Moony!" James groaned. "I know you had a soft spot for the kid, but let's be honest, he was dead weight! He was always destined to wind up exactly where he did in life."
"Why did you discourage him from trying out for the Quidditch team?" Harry blurted out, his anger starting to get the better of him. "Why work so hard to destroy what little ambition he had?"
"Whoa, don't get it twisted now," James protested, pointing an accusing finger at Harry. "Peter decided out of the blue that he wanted to play in his fifth year, after never touching a broomstick beforehand. The game was rougher back then – he would have ended up badly hurt. I was doing him a favor."
"But now he'll never know if he could have done it!" said Harry. "He'll always wonder if he could have been something more. Even if he failed, he could have learned something."
"This is what I've been trying to tell you all these years, James—" Remus said tiredly, but James wasn't having it.
"Oh, come off it!" James said with an exaggerated wave of his arms. "Listen Harry, I'm sure Peter paints a very flattering picture of himself, but he was always a bit of an under-achiever. I could have been nicer to him, sure. But he's deluding himself if he thinks I was the one holding him back."
"He always had self-esteem issues," Sirius added. "We tried early on to help him get over that, but gave up once we realized it was no use. In fact, we shouldhave put our foot down earlier when he went after Alice—"
"No, no, that is precisely Harry's point!" Remus interrupted. "Peter had every right to go after the girl he fancied. It got him hurt, but that was his lesson to learn, not yours to teach him."
"It was a fantasy we fed into for far too long," James disagreed. "He never had a chance with her; even Lily would agree with that. She and Frank were destined to be together."
"Peter fancied Alice Longbottom?" Harry asked, surprised.
"She was Alice Fawley back then," sighed Lily. "And she was two years ahead of us, in Hufflepuff. She spent a lot of time at the Gryffindor table, with Frank, and she was always very kind to Peter."
"He misinterpreted her kindness for interest," James added. "And he was smitten. We tried to tell him, that she was just taking pity on a wounded bird, but the poor bloke was lovesick from the start."
"I even tried to set him up with some girls to distract him," Sirius lamented. "Mind, not the prettiest girls in our class, but he never had a chance with any of them—"
"Because you were keen on hogging them all for yourself," Lily huffed.
"All the same," Sirius shrugged. "It was just one of those no-win scenarios. He was doomed to have his heart broken."
"And I suppose I'm the bad guy for not wanting to wallow in self-pity with him for our last two years of school," James snorted. "Hell, if I tried to comfort him, he'd probably have fallen for me next—"
"That's quite enough," Lily snapped. "He lost someone dear to him, and you oughtn't tease him any further about it. Besides, this is not a conversation to be having around the kids."
"I don't mind!" Dahlia protested; she was clearly reveling in the drama. "I want to hear more about who you all dated in school."
"Wait 'til you hear who your mother was involved with before your father," Sirius winked at Dahlia. "It would make your brother's skin crawl…"
"We were not involved!" Lily protested, going slightly pink at the mention. "We were good friends, but I never—"
"You sure seem keen on seeing him twice a year for your potioneer conferences," James muttered, also looking displeased by the topic.
"Severus is an excellent potions master, and I've learned a lot from him!" Lily said indignantly. "I chose to marry you, if you've forgotten, and he'll never be more than an old friend to me—"
"You dated Professor Snape?!" Dahlia gasped, having heard several of Harry's unpleasant stories about the man. "Ewww!"
"I did no such thing!" said a red-faced Lily as Sirius cackled with glee at what he'd caused. "He was one of my first friends at Hogwarts, and unfortunately he chose the wrong crowd to hang out with. I would never, ever have considered him a romantic option."
James looked somewhat contented with this answer. But the mood in the room was still soured, and Harry still felt wound up by the charged discussion surrounding Uncle Peter. He wondered where Peter was at this very moment, and how he would feel if he knew the other three Marauders were sharing Christmas dinner together without him. Remus also looked troubled, briefly meeting Harry's eye with a discerning look.
"I'm tired," Harry announced, standing from his seat without further preamble. "I think I'd like to go to bed now." He feared saying something else he would regret, or stirring another argument that unearthed more ugly secrets from his parents' past.
"Good night, sweetheart," said Lily, kissing Harry on the head. James and Sirius toasted to him with their freshly-poured glasses of more Firewhiskey, while Remus merely nodded at him with a sad smile. And after dodging a kick under the table from Dahlia, Harry retired from the room and headed upstairs for bed.
He lay awake for some time, bothered by all that had been said throughout the dinner. Was Snape right all along in his last timeline? Was James just an unrepentant bully, unwilling to take responsibility for making the lives of others miserable in his youth? Could Peter have amounted to something more than a simple caretaker if he'd had better friends who encouraged him more? Or was James correct in his assessment that he oughtn't waste his time with someone who didn't want to help themselves?
Was Harry doing the same thing with all his incessant worrying and meddling in other people's affairs? Should he stop worrying about Neville and the Philosopher's Stone and just live his life unburdened by such matters out of his control? He was not the Boy Who Lived in this world – he could do whatever he wanted and let Neville bear the brunt of that responsibility himself. Harry could go on to do great things and have a bright future in whatever field he desired. Why involve himself in a fight that no longer concerned him?
As he contemplated this, he heard a soft knock on the door. James ambled into the room, stumbling slightly and still reeking of Firewhiskey. But he carefully found Harry's bed and sat at the foot of it. "Harry?" he whispered. "Still awake?"
"Yeah, Dad," said Harry. "What is it?"
"I'm sorry for earlier," he said with a slightly slurred voice. "I think you should be friends with whoever you want to be. Peter is a good person, and you're right, I should have been nicer to him."
"Okay," Harry said neutrally. He wondered if Lily had chewed him out after he and Dahlia departed the room, or if this was genuine self-reflection.
"I was a bloody idiot when I was a kid," James went on. "Still am sometimes. I hope you won't judge me too badly for who I used to be. I'm still learning how to be a better person."
"I know," said Harry. "Good night, Dad."
"Love you, kiddo," said James, patting his son's leg. "Happy Christmas." And with great effort, he got back to his feet and shuffled out of the room, closing the door behind him.
Harry wondered if James would even remember this exchange in the morning. But it gave him some small measure of comfort as he began to drift off to sleep. My father is still a great man, he told himself. He's made mistakes, but he's also done plenty of good. This was still the man who defied Voldemort three times during the war, became a widely-respected Auror, and used his influence to enact positive social change. That was the man Harry chose to think of as he fell asleep.
And perhaps Uncle Peter could still become something after all. Harry was determined to at least try.
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