Chapter 15: Reiteration of Failure
You consider this to be a victory? Elara's words sliced over the silence like a razor, sharp and sloppily contemptuous. "You let them leave, and today they will return stronger. You have doomed each of us.
I turned on her; the weight of her words set off the resentment within me. "I made a choice," I said. "You don't have to like it, but you don't get to question it."
"Do I not? She shot back, moving in front. "Every decision you make echoes Arden. Not only do you pay the cost. Others also pay for it.
Enough, Caius said, his voice low but strong. "This isn't helping."
Retorting with burning eyes, "It's not supposed to help," Elara said. It should help her to see what she has done.
"I know already what I did! My voice cracked beneath the weight of my irritation as I roared. "I'm not in need of your reminding me."
The meeting was tense, the air dense with unsaid accusations. Unable to face their eyes, I turned aside and fixed my wrist's Sigel. Though it was faint now, its weight felt more than ever—a continual reminder of the decision I had taken and the results I would not yet be able to perceive.
Moving to be at my side, Caius spoke in a lower voice. Arden, you phoned. Now we address it. Taken collectively.
I looked at him, trying to find criticism in his demeanour, but all I saw was quiet resolve. Though it was only a minor consolation, at that time it was plenty.
The break was short. The weight of the events of the day descended on me like a physical force as the evening progressed. The enforcer's stubborn stare tormented my mind, their insulting comments resounds there.
You believe you can transform anything? As they had stated. "You're just another pawn, circling while the Circle tightens its hold."
I wanted to believe I was more than that—that my decisions counted. But as the hours wore on, uncertainty crept in and spun around every edge of my consciousness.
The conflict between us had calmed down by dawn to create a nervous quiet. Knowing the Circle was closing in front of us, we packed rapidly and headed forward. The woodland around us was absolutely silent, the regular sounds of birds and rustling leaves replaced by a terrible calm.
Elara replied, her voice strained, "We need to move faster." "Their distance is not far behind."
With every stride, my legs hurting, I murmured, "I'm moving as fast as I can."
"then try harder," she shot back.
Stepping between us, Caius looked intently at Elara. "Stop back." She is performing as best she can.
Her best isn't good enough, Elara stated with a harsh tone. "And it will kill us all if she doesn't see that soon."
The comments stung more than I cared to admit, and I felt the familiar weight of doubt drop over me once more. Turning to me, Caius seemed softer.
"She doesn't mean it," he whispered gently. Not unlike that.
"Isn't she? "My voice was quiet as I asked. "Because I'm beginning to see she's right."
He stopped walking, rested his hand on my shoulder, and pushed me squarely ahead. Ar Den, pay attention to me. You are not a failed person. You choose. Though it was not ideal and not simple, it was yours. That does matter.
Something inside me cracked at the authenticity in his voice, but I forced it down since I wouldn't want him to know how much his words meant to me.
The stifling silence of the jungle worsened as the day progressed, and my wrist started to show faint symbol burning. Though it was not terrible, it made me uncomfortable.
"We're getting close," Elara remarked, staring forward. "The next trial is just about here."
"What qualifies you as so certain? I asked.
She looked at the sigil on her wrist; its luminosity matched that of mine. "For it is calling us."
The road ahead contracted, the trees closing in like quiet sentinels. The air turned cooler, and I sensed something invisible weighting down on me.
I stopped dead still as we arrived at the clearing. A tall, ancient, crumbling tower that seemed to pulse with an alien energy dominated the middle of the room.
Elara remarked, her voice calm but firm: "This is it." "The second trial..."
We entered, the air heavy with the taste of dust and ruin. Carvings dotted the walls; their complex patterns glowed brightly as we passed. I put my fingers against the symbol on my wrist, the heat scorching into my skin. It burnt hotter here.
A pedestal in the middle of the room stood atop which rested one single, brilliant sphere. I went slowly, the weight of its existence like a tangible force down on me.
"What now? My voice just above a whisper, I asked.
"Now you face the truth, Elara remarked. The tower will show you what you most fear—what you have been running from.
I extended my fingertips across the surface of the ball. The universe split into light, and when it rebuilt, I was standing in a spot I knew all too well—the wreckage of my boyhood house.
Soot had coated the walls, and the air smelled acridly of smoke. Turning, my chest tightened and I spotted the man in the middle of the room.
That was my dad.
"You failed me," he stated with a cold and cutting tone. You failed every one of us.
The words came to me like a blow, and I staggered back, pulse pounding. With shaky voice, "That's not true," I said. "I didn't,"
"You let them take me," he murmured, approaching closely. "You let them knock down everything we created."
Tears rolling down my cheeks, I answered, "I had no choice." "I was just a young child."
"And now you're no better than they are," he replied with disgust in his voice. Arden, you're weak. And this struggle does not allow weakness.
The image changed and I saw myself preparing to strike, standing over the enforcer from the clearing. Rather than sparing them, though, I plunged the blade through their chest, their dead eyes fixed up at me.
"This is who you'll become," a voice murmured, low and terrible. "This is the cost of your decisions.
I said, "No," shaking my head. Not me is the answer here.
Isn't it? The voice said. You have already started the first step.
The light went out, and I returned to the tower panting for breath while the sigil on my wrist darkened. Beside me, Caius was steadying me while I tried to keep straight.
"What did you find? His voice was gentle as he asked.
I hesitated, the weight of the vision crushing down on me. "It doesn't matter," I muttered at last, my voice lifeless. "We must continue to migrate."
The ground under us started to shake before we could escape the tower, and a deep, guttural scream came through the walls.
Elara pulled her blade and her face clouded. She remarked bleakly, "It's not done with us yet."
The shadows around us changed, and a man with radiating power surfaced. "You believe your trial passed? Their voice cool as they asked. "It's just begun."