Fairy Tail: I Don't Want to Be the Guild Master

"Warm?" Rhode repeated, tilting his head.

Mira nodded. "Yes, Warm. Because holding it feels so warm."

She smiled and continued, "You said Poro comes from a very cold place, right? So, I hope that whenever it's by your side, it will always feel warm."

Rhode thought about it for a moment. "That actually sounds pretty nice… What do you think?"

The little Poro's horns perked up excitedly, clearly liking the name.

"Then it's settled," Rhode said, nodding. "From now on, you're Warm."

Mira clapped her hands happily. "That's how Happy got his name too!"

She explained that Happy—Natsu's ever-present talking blue cat—was named after bringing joy into their lives.

"Happy can fly too," Mira added. "And he can even carry people while flying! …It's just a shame that you haven't seen it yet."

Rhode, who had only ever seen Happy walking like a normal cat, was suddenly skeptical.

Just as Rhode was getting used to the name Warm, Mira turned towards him.

"Alright, it's almost noon. Time to get to work!"

Rhode nodded. "Got it! I'm on it."

Setting Warm down on the counter, Rhode grabbed a tray and got ready for his shift.

However, the moment he stepped forward, Warm trotted after him, tail wagging excitedly.

Mira giggled. "Looks like you have a little helper."

Rhode sighed, but deep down, he didn't really mind.

The first order was two beers for one of the guild's regulars.

Rhode walked over to a middle-aged man lounging casually in his seat.

The man had a brown crew cut, a floral button-up shirt, cropped trousers, and flip-flops. He also had a pipe in his mouth, which somehow made him look even more carefree.

Rhode set the drinks down. "Here's your beer."

The man, Wakaba, lazily picked up the glass but sighed dramatically.

"Aww, why didn't Mira-chan bring it over herself?"

Rhode nearly rolled his eyes.

Yeah, if I had the choice, I'd prefer a beautiful waitress bringing me drinks too.

Rhodes placed the drinks down and introduced himself.

"My name is Rhodes. I just joined Fairy Tail and I'm working as a waiter in the tavern for now. Please take care of me."

Wakaba's eyes lit up with interest. "Ohh~~ A newcomer!"

A puff of smoke in the shape of a hand floated out from his pipe as he grabbed another glass of beer and slid it toward Rhodes.

"As you can see, I use Smoke Magic. This one's on me—welcome to Fairy Tail!"

Rhodes barely had time to react before—

BANG!

The table shook as the man sitting across from Wakaba slammed his palm down and stood up.

"Oi, Wakaba, you bastard!" He growled, his voice full of irritation. "Stop handing out my beer like it's yours!"

The new man had short purple hair, a light beard, and wore a white trench coat.

Most notably—purple flames flickered from his hands as he spoke.

The heat from his magic instantly dispersed Wakaba's smoke hand and snatched back the beer glass before it could even reach Rhodes.

He straightened his collar with an exaggerated "ahem", putting on a self-important expression.

"If anyone's going to treat him to a drink—it'll be me!"

Wakaba's eyebrow twitched.

"Damn it, Macao!"

He stood up too, slamming his own glass down before stepping onto his chair and leaning forward aggressively.

"You wanna start something, huh?!"

Macao did the exact same thing, stepping onto his chair and leaning just as far forward.

"Who's afraid of you?!"

The two men pressed their foreheads together, neither backing down, a competitive fire burning in their eyes.

Above Wakaba's pipe, thick smoke curled and gathered ominously.

Meanwhile, Macao's purple flames flared up, swirling in his palm as both men rolled up their sleeves, preparing to brawl.

At that moment, the beer glass they had been fighting over slipped from Macao's flames.

Rhodes quickly caught it, but a few drops of beer spilled onto his hand.

He hesitated before speaking up. "Uhh… guys?"

Neither of them even acknowledged him.

They were already too caught up in their rivalry, one second from punching each other in the face.

Rhodes scanned the room for help, but instead of concerned expressions, all he saw were eager grins.

Some guild members had already started chanting excitedly:

"Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"Teach him a lesson, Wakaba!"

"Macao, flip him over!"

Even Laki, who had been carrying an empty beer glass, had abandoned her duties and joined the crowd, watching with enthusiasm.

She casually called out, "Rhodes, if I were you, I'd back away right now."

Rhodes blinked. "Why—?"

WHOOSH!

A flying beer glass barely missed his ear, whizzing past like a warning shot.

Rhodes jerked his head back, only to see that Macao and Wakaba had already jumped onto the table, gripping each other's hands in a fierce arm-wrestling match—except they were both standing and shoving against each other with all their strength.

Rhodes sighed, rubbing his temples.

Forget trying to stop them.

Instead, he grabbed his little Poro with one hand, the innocent beer glass with the other, and tucked the tray under his arm before swiftly retreating to the counter—straight to the safest place in the guild.

Right next to Master Makarov.

Placing the beer down, Rhodes turned to the guild master, his voice tinged with disbelief.

"Master… should we really just let them go at it like this?"

Makarov simply picked up the glass of beer Rhodes had brought over and took a calm sip.

"Let them be." He waved a hand dismissively. "It's not Fairy Tail if there isn't a little chaos."

Now that no one was meditating, there was nothing stopping a good old-fashioned brawl.

In fact—

Someone in the crowd had even started taking bets.

The moment the odds were called, Makarov casually tossed 1,000J into the pot.

"I bet Wakaba falls first." He grinned.

Rhodes stared in silent horror.

"I thought the guild was only this chaotic because you were away…"

He watched as Makarov cheered alongside the others, then dropped his head in despair.

"Is there seriously no normal person in this guild?"

Mirajane, calmly wiping a wine glass, smiled sweetly.

"Don't say that. This is fun."

At the center of the mayhem, Macao and Wakaba's match escalated.

The long table beneath them creaked dangerously, and in the next few seconds—

CRASH!

The table collapsed under their weight, stools were knocked over, and the two rolled apart, gasping for breath.

After seeing no further destruction, the onlookers quickly lost interest and dispersed.

For Fairy Tail, this was just a minor scuffle—one of many.

Rhodes watched the two men, who were now sitting at separate tables, arms crossed and glaring at each other.

"Are they… okay?" He asked hesitantly.

Mirajane chuckled, placing the freshly cleaned glass back on the counter.

"Oh, don't worry."

She tilted her head toward them.

"Give it a few minutes—they'll be drinking together again in no time."

Mirajane, completely unfazed by the wreckage around her, turned to Makarov with a sweet smile.

"Master, that glass of beer earlier—I'm still putting it on your tab."

Makarov froze mid-sip. "Hah? That beer was clearly Macao's order!"

Mirajane's smile didn't falter. "But you were the one who secretly drank it."

Makarov grumbled in defeat. "...Yeah..."

With his failure to dodge the bill, the once proud and mighty guild master visibly deflated.

Watching the exchange unfold, Rhodes felt his image of Makarov begin to crack.

Wait.

'This old man… isn't as righteous as I thought.'

He looked around at the utter madness that was Fairy Tail and came to a painful realization:

No wonder the guild is like this. The master is just as bad as the rest of them.

Before he could ask what would happen to the shattered table, a familiar figure strode forward—Laki.

She raised her hands, forming a strange, theatrical pose.

"Wood-Make: Sincere Friendship Table!"

At her command, the splintered wood and broken legs of the table suddenly began to shift.

Like pieces of a puzzle reassembling themselves, the fragments bent, stretched, and fused back together, restoring the long table to its original shape—as if nothing had ever happened.

A buck-toothed guild member standing nearby let out a heavy sigh.

"Why do you always have to give your spells such weird names?"

Laki pushed her purple hair back, adjusting her glasses with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Oh? Are you jealous of my magic and unparalleled talent?"

The guild member vehemently waved his arms. "Who the hell would be jealous of that?!"

But Laki was already too deep in her own world, resting her cheek on her hand with a dramatic sigh.

"Sigh… I really am such a sinful woman."

Rhodes: "..."

He had suspected it before, but now there was no doubt—Laki was definitely a narcissist.

Still… her magic was seriously convenient.

But her magic was quite handy, almost on par with Yamato from the next studio over.

No wonder no one holds back when destroying the guild.