Delusive Fate

#058

Kim Jin-oh, Ham Yun-ah, and Lee Su-hyeon noona. The three of them created a group message chat and kept chattering about something. I could guess what it was about without even looking. It must be about the raid scheduled for the day after tomorrow. A C-grade gate that appeared at the ruins of Suwon Fortress, which collapsed due to the arrival of destruction.

I knew a gate would appear there, and I knew I would be included in the raid team. Kim Jin-oh, Ham Yun-ah, Lee Su-hyeon noona, Ji Young-cheol, Kim Seung-min, Lee Han-sol. I knew the team composition without even looking at the text message sent by the center. After all, I’ve been through this several times. So I also knew this. I won’t be going to this gate anyway.

On the morning of the raid day, the team composition will suddenly change. Ham Yun-ah and Lee Han-sol will be removed, and No Ji-young and Kwon Kwang-jin will join. The reason is due to ability compatibility issues caused by changes in gate prediction data. Of course, that prediction is wrong.

There, Kim Jin-oh is going to break his leg. I’m not sure exactly how it happens, but according to what that bastard grumbled later, a part of the dungeon suddenly collapsed. He got trapped under it and his leg snapped. Ji Young-cheol, who went in with him, suffers severe injuries with his back crushed and spine damaged.

And I, while moving to the public bus stop for gate attendance, turn around and trudge back home due to the sudden team change. As soon as I open the front door, I witness a shitty scene.

Ki Baek-woo, who had been acting cold, is smiling while talking on the phone with someone. Of course, that someone is Jung Yi-dam.

Lee Han-sol quietly watches Ki Baek-woo, who is smiling and talking affectionately with someone other than himself, an unfamiliar sight. He senses something terrible but denies it. Ki Baek-woo belatedly notices Lee Han-sol’s return and can’t hide his annoyed expression.

Zing.

Ziiing.

The message alerts currently buzzing my phone were just the precursors to such an episode. Of course, neither Kim Jin-oh, Ham Yun-ah, Lee Su-hyeon noona, nor Ji Young-cheol or Ki Baek-woo would know this at all. Anyway, those carefree bastards.

“Why, what. Why do you keep glancing at me?”

“Well… that… never mind, hyung. Sorry.”

Ki Baek-woo started to say something but bit his lower lip for a moment, then backed away a little. Seeing such a strange Ki Baek-woo makes me wonder how the story is unfolding, but I’m reassured when the things I know happen steadily, like the vibration felt in my hand.

Yeah. The things that are meant to happen will eventually happen, and that Ki Baek-woo will eventually become that Ki Baek-woo.

The reason why that guy is acting so pathetically, the weird thoughts he must be having with that pretty head of his. Is this perhaps a momentary farce created by the system to mock me for trying to live a new life in my own way? Has it caused another delusion like ‘I like Lee Han-sol’ in Ki Baek-woo’s brain again? Is that why Ki Baek-woo is acting like this? What happens to the future I know if things go this way?

There’s no need to think about such things. Just let it flow, that’s all.

I decided to ignore Ki Baek-woo, who was muttering like a loser. Zing, zing. Ignoring the message preview windows popping up with the vibrations, I continued looking at what I was viewing earlier. It was a homepage full of furniture and interior accessories. Since I’d be moving soon, I needed to start thinking about things to put in the house.

Buy this, buy that. Hmm, is it too colorful then? No, the more colors, the brighter and better. Since my soul is practically in a cesspool, shouldn’t I at least decorate my living space brightly? Okay, let’s just fill it with vibrant red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet.

I added an eye-piercingly bright hot pink sofa to my favorites list, satisfactorily raising an eyebrow.

“But, hyung…”

“If you stutter ‘um, that’ one more time, I’ll kill you.”

“Who is it?”

“What?”

“The… person you’re contacting now. I was wondering who you’re talking to… Sorry.”

He’s not just making a fuss, but a real shitstorm. I looked at Ki Baek-woo with contempt in my eyes. Ki Baek-woo, seeming to know he was being shameless, backed away a bit more. His lowered gaze was wandering here and there. Still, he wouldn’t utter the words ‘No, I made a mistake’ even if he died. I was in a pretty shitty mood.

Come to think of it, in the past, Ki Baek-woo was a jealous psycho who envied all sorts of things. That idiot would genuinely feel hurt even if I just played games a little longer. So of course, he disliked Kim Jin-oh, disliked Ham Yun-ah, and disliked everyone who unnecessarily contacted me, like Seo Hee-ju or Lee Su-hyeon noona or Uncle Eul-bong. Not knowing that soon Jung Yi-dam would appear right in front of him and steal his heart completely.

Well, let’s say he wasn’t in his right mind then. But now it’s after Jung Yi-dam has appeared, right? So what on earth is he curious about? As they say, you only see what’s on your mind… What, does he think I’m cheating or something? I thought very discontentedly.

I just want to blurt out that it’s Jung Yi-dam. He’s really pissing me off.

“Don’t ask about such things, Baek-woo.”

“…Sorry.”

“Coffee.” I held out my hand, averting my glare from him. Ki Baek-woo quickly approached and handed me the coffee he had placed on the table, saying, “Here.” I turned to the side, raising my upper body slightly, and drank the cold coffee to soothe my irritated mood. My phone kept vibrating. Ki Baek-woo fidgeted restlessly before finally getting up.

“Um, call me if you need anything. I’ll go do some other work and come back.”

I quietly gave the middle finger to Ki Baek-woo’s back as he disappeared somewhat hurriedly. His antics are evolving more and more.

I put the coffee back on the table and lay down facing the ceiling again. As I picked up my phone, a message preview window popped up as if it had been waiting.

chat

[Kim Jin-oh: Tsk tsk, you losers, I’ll carry you all ㅋ Just stay put, all of you ㅋ] Now

It’s a shitshow here, a shitshow there. I was about to ignore this one too, but I tapped on the message.

Kim Jin-oh

[Fuck, Lee Han-sol finally read it]

Ham Yun-ah

[Han-sol, you got the text too, right? It’s hilarious that we’re all on the same team ㅋㅋㅋ]

Kim Jin-oh

[Dog Han-sol, why are you acting so high and mighty? You’re just trying to ignore us again, aren’t you?]

Su-hyeon noona

[Jin-oh, Han-sol isn’t acting, he’s just expensive]

Ham Yun-ah

[ㅋㅋㅋㅋ Agreed]

Kim Jin-oh

[Fuck, how expensive is he, how much?]

Su-hyeon noona

[Well, it would be difficult for you, Jin-oh… You’d have to earn as much as an S-rank…]

Ham Yun-ah

[ㅠㅠ Kim Jin-oh HOT]

Su-hyeon noona

[HOT]

Kim Jin-oh

[Fuck, you all wanna die? I won’t carry you in the gate, fuck fuck]

After seeing these stupid conversations where they’re showing off without knowing what’s coming, I just replied briefly.

[Don’t stick together, Kim Jin-oh and Ji Young-cheol, during the raid. If two ugly guys stick together, even destruction will get angry and collapse the dungeon ㅉ And I’m not going, so don’t invite me anymore. It’s not my business anyway.]

***

It started raining in the evening.

The sound of raindrops shattering could be heard from beyond the window, which darkened early. As I was drinking beer and looking at the window, Ki Baek-woo hurriedly ran to close the curtains. It wasn’t even funny anymore that he was constantly watching my reactions even while sitting at the edge of the sofa.

The living room was dark with the lights off. A movie with a familiar title was playing on the TV, so I brought out some beer to set the mood. Ki Baek-woo prepared and handed over various snacks on his own. Among them were also grape seeds that he had peeled in an annoying way. Why does he keep doing such pointless things? Now, even when I have such thoughts, they disappear within a second. He’ll do as he pleases.

Ki Baek-woo went into the small room, came out with a blanket, and covered my knees where I was sitting. Then he stood there like a pole, fidgeting and biting his fingers like a dog that needed to pee.

“Baek-woo, if you’re going to go, go, and if you’re going to sit, sit.”

Upon hearing that, Ki Baek-woo quickly squashed his butt onto the edge of the sofa. Even so, I could feel his gaze occasionally darting towards me instead of watching the movie.

The movie was quiet. The heroine didn’t speak at all. Only her daughter and the surrounding men talked incessantly. About receiving awards somewhere, someone praising something. Why are such movies always so quiet? That movie was like that too. An extremely boring and gloomy adultery movie where it just kept raining. Ki Baek-woo couldn’t take his eyes off it, as if it was exactly like his own story.

It’s funny. In the Days of Being Wild, it was raining then too. And Ki Baek-woo was lying long on this sofa, using my lap as a pillow. But now we’re barely sitting at opposite ends of the sofa. In a tense posture with his back straight. Even that is thanks to my mercy. If I hadn’t allowed it, Ki Baek-woo wouldn’t be sitting there, but would have found some place to hide himself.

I leaned my body deeper into the sofa backrest, sipping the chilled beer little by little. It’s dark, alcohol is entering my body for once, and there’s the sound of rain. My body slowly relaxed, and my mood became calm.

“What the hell.”

“…”

“This is an adultery movie, isn’t it?”

I didn’t expect this. I was wondering who that other guy was who kept appearing besides the woman’s husband, but suddenly he started showing off with a piano and then began doing nasty things. Why are all the movies that receive awards, that are praised by people, that are hailed as masterpieces for generations, always so quiet, so gloomy, and then suddenly involve adultery?

Huh. I let out a mirthless laugh, my chest heaving. I could feel Ki Baek-woo’s gaze. A woman with a husband and child suddenly rubs bodies with her husband’s friend. When I turned my head, I immediately met Ki Baek-woo’s eyes. He quickly lowered his eyelids as if startled.

“Baek-woo. Why does the world love adultery so much?”

“…”

“When you see things like that, it seems like that’s the real thing…”

Is adultery real love and what was originally there just a means? I don’t know if it’s that good because I haven’t cheated yet… Does it feel better to meet secretly?

I mumbled, watching again the sexual tension between the man and woman being portrayed as if it were noble, as if it were a beautiful and desperate desire that would never come again. It’s not beautiful at all, it’s fucking filthy. Ki Baek-woo was silent. With his mouth tightly shut, he looked like the mute female protagonist rolling around in the movie. Then that man must be Jung Yi-dam.

The scene on the screen naturally transformed into a sex show between Ki Baek-woo and Jung Yi-dam. Panting breaths. Pretending to be a beautiful and desperate desire that will never come again, they undress each other, rub their genitals, and bite each other’s flesh while tightly embracing.

I take a swig of beer and observe, whether they do it or not, whatever. I asked the real Ki Baek-woo.

“How is it? Is it really good?”

“…”

“Is there something more ecstatic, or whatever?”

Ki Baek-woo’s lips quivered. But no sound came out. I sneer at him with a sigh-like laugh and look back at the TV. There, Ki Baek-woo and Jung Yi-dam are still having sex.

As I sink back into the sofa, the blanket covering my knees slips down.

“What now.”

Ki Baek-woo was suddenly kneeling at my feet. Clutching the picked-up blanket tightly with both hands, he spoke while looking at my chest.

“Other things, doing it with other people, hyung, none of that feels good at all.”

“You know from experience?”

“No, it’s not like that. But that’s obvious. Other people aren’t you, hyung. You’d feel the same way. You too…”

“I haven’t tried it yet…”

I feel like I’d have to try it once to know.

As I said that while sipping my beer, Ki Baek-woo put down the blanket and crumpled his body between my legs. I looked down quietly, wondering what kind of fuss he was going to make this time. He spoke in a somewhat desperate voice.

“It’ll be best with me. It’ll be the same for you, hyung. Even if I don’t li-, I mean, even if I don’t love you anymore… It’ll be like that, hyung.”

It’s because you’re angry, hyung, that’s why you’ve forgotten. You’ve forgotten how good I used to make you feel, you’re just angry for a moment and have forgotten.

Ki Baek-woo pleaded faintly.

“I can make you feel good. If you let me do it, I’ll really make you feel good…”