A child who looks like me

I always have the same regrets. Everyday life with my child is always precious, yet why do I overlook that preciousness? Why do I only realize its importance when I’m in a desperate situation?

On the day my child was at risk of being kidnapped, I also came to understand that importance only after the incident happened.

As Jeong-oh was leaving the hospital, he learned from Jinseo a brief account of why Yeona collapsed. Apparently, other children had been teasing her about not having a father.

What did I do to my child? What did I say to my seven-year-old?

Jeong-oh found himself regretting the past as well.

He taught his child that there was no need to feel ashamed of not having a father. Since he had lived that way himself, he thought his child could overcome it as well.

Yet, one day, without any warning, he casually revealed the existence of the father. He told the confused child to call Jihun “Dad.” And today…

“Yeona has been crying too much lately. Let’s try not to cry today, okay?”

The child naturally cries; it’s perfectly fine to do so. Even adults cry when they’re hurting. Yet, just because the child has been shedding more tears lately, he assigned her the difficult task of overcoming her own childishness.

How hard must it have been for her? How much pain must she have felt?

Noticing Jeong-oh’s tear-stained face, Gi-hun increased his speed.

Both Jeong-oh and Gi-hun were pressed for time. In the midst of it all, Jeong-oh’s phone vibrated again. This time it was Jihun.

Jeong-oh hesitated before answering the call.

“Yes, Director.”

[This is the hospital. I called to check on you, so you wouldn’t worry.]
Jihun’s calm voice made Jeong-oh close his eyes tightly. Tears slipped down his eyelids.

[You’re on your way to Seoul, right?]
“…….”

[Lee Jeong-oh.]
“…….”

[Jeong-oh.]
The soothing tone of his voice continued to come through. Instead of calming him, it stirred his emotions, and Jeong-oh’s throat tightened. He finally managed to respond.

“……Yes, Director.”

[Don’t worry. Yeona is okay.]
“…….”

[Be careful on your way. See you soon.]
Jeong-oh tightly held the phone after it disconnected, finally letting the tears fall. Surprised by his tears, Gi-hun asked in alarm,

“What did the Director say? Please don’t tell me he’s telling you to work overtime even in such a serious situation!”

“No, it’s not that…”

He struggled to find an excuse, but it felt as if a boulder was lodged in his head, making it hard to articulate his thoughts.

“He must not know. If he knew and still said that, he’d be a terrible person.”

Gi-hun, misinterpreting Jeong-oh’s heavy reaction, grew agitated. Jeong-oh felt sorrowful, and Gi-hun’s heart ached for him.

Gi-hun made a vow. He must protect Lee Jeong-oh from Jeong Ji-heon, that heartless superior who has no blood or tears.

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

Eun-yeob learned that Ji-heon had canceled all his schedules today and was heading to the hospital in a hurry.

“Why? Why the hospital?”

After contacting various places and stubbornly digging for information, Eun-yeob discovered that Yeona had collapsed at her academy and had been taken to the hospital. He immediately rushed to the hospital.

Now, Ji-heon and Jeong-oh were sharing the existence of the child. Eun-yeob was able to deduce that easily.

So what’s next? It’s certain that he will attempt a paternity test again in the near future. Perhaps even at the very hospital where the child is currently admitted.

If that happens, I will ruin that paternity test, no matter what. Then, eventually, Ji-heon will give up and begin to doubt Jeong-oh.

Fortunately, there was someone he knew at the hospital where Yeona was admitted. A fairly close acquaintance. Eun-yeob made sure to tell them to let him know if anyone requested a paternity DNA test before leaving the hospital.

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

Yeona’s hospital room.

Ji-heon stared at his phone screen for a long time. A message had come in from the counselor he had assigned a task to. It was a text informing him that Eun-yeob had suddenly visited the hospital. The name of the hospital where Ji-heon was currently staying was embedded in the message.

Amidst the serious situation of his child lying unconscious, he had only been filled with worry, but after reading the message, he couldn’t help but let out a hollow laugh in disbelief.

Are they monitoring each other?

The person chasing me, I was also chasing after them.

Before learning about Yeona, he had vaguely thought that Chae Eun-bi was the problem, but now he felt that Chae Eun-yeob was even more malicious than Eun-bi.

Even while glancing at his phone, one of Ji-heon’s hands remained grasped by Yeona. He placed the phone on the bedside table and refocused on Yeona.

He noticed that a significant amount of the medication was already used up. The nurse had asked him to inform her when half of it was gone.

“Yeona, I’m going to tell the nurse.”

Ji-heon softly spoke to the child who had yet to wake up. However, just as he was about to withdraw his finger from her grasp, he felt her grip tighten even more.

Though her grip was weak enough that he could easily pull away, Ji-heon couldn’t let go. There was something desperate in her demeanor.

“Yeona, Daddy will be right back.”

Once again, her grip strengthened. It was remarkable that the child was responding to his voice, and Ji-heon found himself unable to move.

Is she hearing my voice in her dreams? What kind of dream is she having right now?

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

There were many times when something I desperately wished for did not come true. There were moments when I gave up first to avoid disappointment.

“I wish I had a dad too.”

“Should I ask? I’ll tell my dad to be your dad too.”

“Maybe that won’t work?”

One day, his friend Do-bin offered to share his dad with him. Do-bin’s innocent suggestion made Yeona’s heart race, but as always, she masked her excitement and replied calmly.

She had to do that. Yeona had always been confident and composed. She felt no shame in not having a father. She knew her mother would always protect her.

“Not having a dad isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s more shameful to tease someone about it. If anyone makes fun of you, tell your mom or your teacher. Then either your mom or your teacher will scold that friend, okay?”

Thanks to her mother, Yeona could talk about her dad without a care.

Even when a man asked about her father, and even when the head teacher at her academy, who initially knew nothing, asked about him, Yeona would respond without hesitation, “I don’t have a dad.”

Those words spread throughout the academy before Yeona even realized it.

Her fame as a Go prodigy was further enhanced by the gossip that she was the daughter of a single mother. Some mothers who sent their children to the academy grew jealous of Yeona while also feeling sympathy for her unfortunate situation.

I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have loudly declared, “I don’t have a dad.”

No, on the day that man came to our house, I shouldn’t have yelled at him to leave.

This morning, I should have told him I got a cell phone. I should have asked for his phone number.

Regretful moments kept flooding into her mind. The weight of life that a seven-year-old had come to understand pressed down on her eyelids, making them heavy. Even in her dreams, she felt drowsy.

In her dreams, Yeona sat at a Go board with her dad, wrapped in the aurora that engulfed the world.

“Yeona, you can’t take back a wrong move. But you can play better next time.”

The dad in her dream spoke to Yeona.

The dad in her dreams changed his face each time. Today, he looked somewhat like her Go academy teacher. There was a time when she thought it would be nice if her Go teacher were her dad, and it felt like that dream had come true.

But even that disappears when she wakes up. It seemed the dad in her dreams understood that if she remembered him, she would long for him.

It disappears. Always.

Thinking about that made Yeona’s heart race faster. Her face twisted, and she spoke through her tears.

“It’s okay if there’s no dad. But if he exists and then disappears, that can’t happen.”

Please don’t disappear. That’s too scary.

“You said a wrong move can’t be taken back. So, don’t do that, Dad.”

If you’ve come this far, stay by my side. Don’t leave me.

At Yeona’s words, the dad in her dream merely smiled and fumbled with the Go stones. There was only one stone inside his Go container.

No.

If I grab that stone and set it down, the game will end, and my dad will disappear. In a panic, Yeona sat up and grabbed her dad’s hand.

At that moment, the Go stone fell.

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

“Yeona.”

Yeona opened her eyes, but everything in front of her was still blurry.

She could only hear the calm voice of the man she had heard that morning.

Yeona blinked slowly. She was tightly holding onto two of his fingers with one of her hands.

“Are you okay? Can you see Daddy?”

She saw him.

The man she had first met when she was seven, who called himself her dad.

Was it because the scary siblings she met at the academy had disappeared, or because she felt so weak?

She opened her eyes in this unfamiliar space without her mother or grandmother, and the only person she could see was that man she had despised so much. Yet surprisingly, she felt at ease. The confession she had kept bottled up inside her began to flow out.

“I didn’t know your phone number…”

“…”

“I couldn’t call.”

Her mother had told her not to cry, but as soon as she spoke, tears began to flow down her cheeks without pause.

Startled, Ji-heon reached into the bed and pulled Yeona into his embrace. Leaning against his chest, Yeona couldn’t stop her tears. Her face kept contorting as it did in her dreams.

“I wanted to call, but I didn’t know your number…”

“Did you want to call me… Daddy?”

“I bought a cell phone…”

“…”

“The kids told me to call you…”

“Call me every day, okay? You can do that.”

Ji-heon said calmly while gently stroking Yeona’s back. The weighty resonance of his low voice momentarily eased Yeona’s tears.

“Really?”

“Of course. Anytime. I’ll always answer.”

“No.”

Yeona shook her head at Ji-heon’s answer. What she wanted to ask wasn’t that.

“Are you really my dad?”

The important thing wasn’t the call.

In the end, it wasn’t about the call.

What mattered most was.

“Really, really, really? Are you my dad?”

“I’m your dad.”

The real dad, who would never disappear again.

Ji-heon nodded firmly.

“Really, really, really really.”

“…”

“It’s real. I’m really your dad.”

“…”

“I’m Yeona’s dad. I’m really Yeona’s dad.”

Waaah.

Uwaaaah.

She wasn’t sad anymore. But then a bigger cry erupted. Like she did with her mother, that stubborn cry filled the hospital room.

Yeona playfully hit her dad’s face as if to scold him.

“Why did you come now?”

With each slap from the seven-year-old, Ji-heon, who was smiling gently, pulled Yeona in close and comforted her.

“Why did you come now? I missed you so much!”

She missed a dad she didn’t even know. The face of the dad from her dreams faded away when she woke up.

Did that mean she didn’t have to change her dad’s face anymore?

Could she say that her dad existed?

Could she call her dad whenever she wanted?

Is it okay to do everything? Is everything alright?

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“…”

“I’m sorry for coming late.”

Ji-heon pulled Yeona into a tight hug and gently rubbed her back.

The solid warmth he provided was something she felt again. In that broad chest, her dad’s voice rang out like the whole world. He was smiling. No, it seemed like he was crying too.

“Dad!”

Yeona stretched out her arms to hug him back.