2 Broke Girls x 1 Rich Man [TV series 2 Broke Girls ff]

Caroline barely had time to take off her heels before...

"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE ALIVE!"

Max launched herself off the couch like a rabid raccoon and tackled Caroline with the force of a linebacker.

"ACK... WHAT THE HELL!"

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!" Max screeched, shaking her violently. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! OR WORSE..."

Caroline gasped. "What's worse than dead?!"

Max pulled back, eyes wild. "YOU COULD HAVE BEEN SOLD INTO A BILLIONAIRE SEX CULT!"

Caroline groaned, prying Max off her. "Jesus, Max! I went to dinner, not a human trafficking auction!"

Max crossed her arms. "Oh yeah? Then why the hell did you disappear for hours? I texted you! I CALLED YOU! I even Googled 'what to do if your best friend is kidnapped by a hot rich man'!"

Caroline sighed and flopped onto the couch. "My phone died, okay? And then… things got interesting."

Max gasped dramatically. "You DID get kidnapped!"

"No!" Caroline snapped. Then hesitated. "Kind of?"

Max shrieked.

"OH MY GOD, CAROLINE!"

"STOP YELLING!"

Max threw herself onto the couch next to her. "Explain. Right now. And if it ends with 'and now I have to sell my organs to pay off my debt,' I swear to God..."

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Relax. No organ selling. Just… business."

She reached into her purse and pulled out the check, casually placing it on the coffee table.

Max glanced at it. Then back at Caroline. Then back at the check. Then...

"IS THAT A CHECK FOR TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS?!"

Caroline winced. "Yes."

Max grabbed the check like it was personally signed by Beyoncé. "Oh my god. Oh my god. I can't... Caroline, this is either the best night of your life or the start of a crime documentary."

Caroline exhaled. "It's legit, Max. Alex wants us to make a thousand cupcakes for an orphanage event. The money's for supplies, labor, and not for my kidneys."

Max stared at her. "…And he just gave it to you?"

"Yes."

Max narrowed her eyes. "Without making you sign a weird contract in blood?"

"Yes."

Max squinted harder. "Without asking for your hand in marriage or firstborn child?"

"YES!"

Max sat back, fanning herself with the check. "Okay. Okay, so… just to be clear… you went to dinner with a Hollywood billionaire, disappeared for hours, he took you somewhere..."

Caroline groaned. "His penthouse. But only to give me the check!"

Max's eyes bulged. "HIS PENTHOUSE?!"

Caroline threw her hands up. "IT WAS A BUSINESS THING!"

Max crossed her arms. "Business thing, my ass. I have seen this exact plot in a Hallmark movie. Step one: Fancy dinner. Step two: Billionaire takes the girl to the penthouse. Step three: SURPRISE, YOU'RE ARE KNOCKED UP OR ENGAGED NOW."

Caroline grabbed a pillow and screamed into it.

Max patted her shoulder. "It's okay, babe. We'll get through this. You may have accidentally seduced a billionaire, but we can fix this. 24/7 pharmacy is still open down the street. Let's get you some pills."

"I DIDN'T SEDUCE HIM!" Caroline yelled. "And I don't need pills. Nothing happened."

Max raised an eyebrow. "Then why did he hand you twenty grand with zero expectations?"

Caroline opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.

Max smirked. "See? Even you can't explain it."

Caroline groaned. "I hate you so much."

Max grinned and picked up the check again. "Hate me all you want, future Mrs. Billionaire, but we've got work to do. One thousand cupcakes won't bake themselves."

Caroline rubbed her temples. "I need a drink."

Max jumped up. "I'll get the tequila!"

As Caroline watched Max skip to the kitchen like a very excited goblin, she sighed.

This was going to be chaos.

...

[A few minutes later]

Caroline leaned back on the couch, swirling her shot glass, while Max poured them another round of tequila like a woman on a mission.

"Alright," Max said, plopping down dramatically next to her. "Spill. Every. Juicy. Detail."

Caroline sighed. "Max..."

"Nope, no excuses!" Max shoved a shot into Caroline's hand. "Drink. Then talk."

Caroline sighed but knocked back the tequila, wincing as the burn slid down her throat. "There's nothing juicy to tell!"

Max scoffed. "Caroline, you had dinner in a candlelit restaurant with a gorgeous billionaire, then went to his penthouse, and walked out with twenty thousand dollars. If this were a movie, we'd already be at the steamy elevator make-out scene."

Caroline groaned, rubbing her face. "I swear nothing happened!"

Max gasped. "NOTHING?! You didn't even kiss?"

"NO!"

Max clutched her chest dramatically. "This is a travesty! What was he even doing? Sitting there in his rich-man lair, just… just giving you money like some kind of wholesome sugar daddy?"

Caroline threw a pillow at her. "That's not a thing!"

Max dodged expertly. "Oh, it is now. Tell me everything. What did he say? Did he look at you a certain way? Did he at least smirk in that 'I definitely want to rip your clothes off' kind of way?"

Caroline hesitated. "Well…"

Max gasped again. "HE DID, DIDN'T HE?!"

Caroline groaned. "I think so? But I sure did imagine him naked, carrying me into his room and doing things to me... But maybe I imagined it?! I mean, he's Alex Wilson. He probably just smirks by default! It's not my fault his face is stupidly attractive!"

Max threw her hands in the air. "Oh my God, woman! You have a billionaire literally looking at you like he wants to lick frosting off your body, and you're sitting here debating whether it was real?!"

Caroline huffed. "I don't know, okay?! He's rich, powerful, and hangs out with supermodels. Meanwhile, I'm a former heiress turned broke waitress."

Max scoffed. "So? That just makes you the perfect romantic underdog! You think guys like Alex don't get tired of dating the same shallow, plastic women all the time? You are a breath of fresh air, babe. A scrappy, ambitious, slightly unhinged breath of fresh air."

Caroline groaned and dramatically flopped onto Max's lap. "Ughhh. But what if I'm not his type?"

Max rolled her eyes. "Caroline, you're hot, and you know it."

Caroline sat up slightly, suddenly very serious. "Yeah, but… do you think he'd like these?"

Before Max could process what was happening, Caroline grabbed Max's boobs.

Max choked on air. "EXCUSE ME...!!!"

Caroline squeezed. "These are big, beautiful, rich-lady boobs!" She dramatically let go and grabbed her own chest. "These are tiny, sad, working-class boobs!"

Max was full-on wheezing at this point. "Caroline..."

"What if he likes big ones? WHAT IF HE LOOKS AT ME AND THINKS, 'Oh, how unfortunate. Such a lovely girl, but tragically small boobs'?!"

Max fell off the couch laughing.

"THIS IS SERIOUS!" Caroline wailed, dramatically hugging a couch pillow to her chest.

Max, still laughing, climbed back up and wiped a tear from her eye. "Babe. First of all. You have perfectly adorable boobs. Secondly, Alex is a Grown-Ass Man™. If he's attracted to you, it's because of you, not because of some magical boob preference."

Caroline pouted. "You're sure?"

Max looked at her own boobs and gave them a light squeeze before looking back at Caroline. Then out of nowhere, she pulled out a pack of cookies, "Want some cookies? I stole a few from the diner earlier today, and they have the magic ingredient!" She tried to shift the conversation because obviously, from her experience big boobs rules.

Caroline grabbed a cookie, "What was I saying again?" She chewed her cookie thoughtfully, her previous boob-related existential crisis momentarily forgotten. "Wait. What do you mean magic ingredient?"

Max waggled her eyebrows. "Oh, nothing… Just a little extra love I threw into the batch before I smuggled them out of the diner."

Caroline froze mid-bite. "Max. What did you do?"

Max grinned. "Nothing illegal. Yet. Everything organic."

Caroline slowly put the cookie down. "Define organic.."

Max shrugged. "I may or may not have added a tiny...tiny...dash of some premium marijuana flour."

"WHAT?!" Caroline squeaked, a piece of cookie going down the wrong pipe. After she recovered and could finally breathe normally again, she said in a horrified tone, "Max, you can't put drugs in our food."

Max snorted, "Drugs, really? Just some fun stuff."

"Fun or not, it's illegal."

Max tilted her head. "Is it though?" 

"What the— Yes, Max! THC is not one of the FDA-approved substances." Caroline hissed in disbelief, unable to believe that Max was this reckless. Yet, she took another bite from the cookie, finished it, and picked up another. "But these are so good," Caroline mumbled softly to herself but was still loud enough for Max to hear.

Max threw her hands into the air, a spark of inspiration in her mind. "Exactly, see? The weed adds depth. Like salt. But yummier. And everyone loves a little buzz, right? Imagine us handing out some free cookies to the ladies who lunch—Presto! And there she goes..."

Caroline fell asleep with the cookie in her mouth...

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[10 advance chs] All chs available for all tiers]

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AN: If I somehow cross 450 ps today, 1 extra chapter like yesterday. 500 ps, 2 extra chapters.